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|justplainolemica (profile) wrote, |
on 5-14-2006 at 8:04pm
|Subject: It's that week... welcome to it!
|So I just put a bed on layaway. Wow, committment. I've never had this feeling. Like this, I'm putting myself out there and just hoping for the best feeling.
When you date, like first dates and all, I always felt like I was putting myself out there, taking the risk that I could get hurt. But that is nothing compaired to how I feel right now. I put a bed on layaway! Granted, I can get all my money back if for some reason things went terribly wrong, but still. I put a bed on layaway with no reassurance that I needed to put a bed on layaway.
We're talking about moving forward. We look at things. But I just put a bed on layaway. I mean, wow overwhelming feelings.
I love em, I really really do. No doubt that he's my one. But what if I'm not his? What if I'm the one pushing and this isn't what he wants? Has any of this been his idea? Will the things that his parents and grandparents feel outweigh the things that I feel?
I just wish there was certainty. I understand that there will never be certainty. Not until the day there is an "i do" and even then marriage has become such a joke in our world.
Am I growing up too fast? Is this really what I should be doing... I mean, come on I just put a bed on layaway and I'm scared. Imagine him buying a ring and how much more scary that is! This is not the time in my life that I planned on all this happening. But I think I would be scared no matter when it was to happen. The only reassurance that I have is that I know this is right. I know that this is a boy that I want to be with.
But it is still scary!
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I really do love you so much. We will be taking big steps, but you have to trust my little ounces of encouragement and recognize that I don't discourage it, because it's what I want too. I love you.