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|highlyevolved (profile) wrote, |
on 5-22-2006 at 12:01am
|Music: full circle :: no doubt
Subject: fuck you
I can't even begin to explain the amount of rage I feel right now. Over the past month, everything has fallen to pieces and I can't even begin to deal with anything. Absolutely nothing in my life currently functions in a healthy way and this is the only outlet I have. I don't have a family. I don't have friends. I don't have anything but an internet blog that nobody reads to express my anguish. I am sick of my parents fighting, I'm sick of having to pay the consequences of my parents' bad parents, I'm sick of having to put up with the psychological damage instilled on me. I don't deserve to be denied the most basic things, I can't meet my parents emotional needs, I can't drive, and I most certainly do not want to go to California. I just want to cry until this all goes away and feel like this never happened. So much shit has come up and I don't know what to do. I can't live with a money-addicted father and a retarded mother who sticks around and doesn't do anything about anything. This isn't normal and this isn't healthy. The more I think about the entire situation the more resentment I feel. I just want to fall asleep and break into a thousand sharp pieces and go away forever. I can't function as a normal human being, I am not able to do the things I should be able to accomplish. I'm not prepared for life and I should have never been born. I'm a huge mistake. And I'm so pissed off at my so called friends. I realize how much of my relationships with people have been lies and how little some people do care for me. And it isn't like I haven't put in any effort to be a good friend. I've tried really hard, but when your constantly reminded that you've been replaced by someone else or you hear about plans you were included in, it's impossible not to feel wounded. The vulnerbility I feel right now is atrocious, and I have nobody to turn to. I pray that I can get through this and find something new, but everything seems pitch black right now.
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