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JustADreamer (profile) wrote,
on 6-29-2006 at 11:28pm
My last year of high school is fast approaching, and I'm torn between what to do.

I'm home from Dallas. In Dallas, I was energetic, happy-go-lucky, and overall joyful. As soon as I got back to this town, my energy went downhill and I felt more self-conscious. In Dallas, you don't have to worry about anyone knowing you, really. Here, everybody knows everyone and what they do.

Part of me, the not-nice part of me, says, "Screw it. It's my last year. Why should I care at all what anyone else thinks? I'll just do what I want." But the rational side says, "No, you can't do that. You've got to be nice and all of that nice stuff."

It'll probably be the latter. I'm nice by nature, apparently, but I like being outgoing sometimes. Smiling at strangers, waving out of car windows, dancing and singing along with Skye and my other friends.. All great and fun things. But I'm not that outgoing. I can't do all this alone. I'm not equipped with the quality of making friends easily and keeping them. I'm not popular. I cannot keep a conversation about makeup and another girl's boyfriend (or lack thereof) for hours on end. I refuse to go shopping for shoes and clothes in a large group.

So that eliminates most people I know my age. But hey, one more year. Then I'll be around more people, and maybe that'll make it easier to reach out and talk to some random person I don't even know.

This is all assuming I can make up my mind about where to go. Oy...

For some reason, here, in this town, it is so incredibly difficult to be.. obviously happy and outgoing. It's oppressive, in a way, but at the same time.. I don't know.

Yes. Just a little ramble on the difference in country and city.
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xhan

06-30-06 2:16am

I know the feeling. -_-;

I live in a small town. I have to be careful of well... everything... as my each and every move is reported back to my parents. So far this year I've apparently been seeing a 34 year old in a more than friendly way, I've gone out with 3 guys and I'm going away to join the Airforce.

...Apparently.

In truth, I've had the one boyfriend (we went out for 7 months) but we've since split up, the 34 year old is a guy I work with whom I consider a good friend and as for the airforce... well I haven't spoke about joining that in about 3 years.

Aaaand I'm babbling now. Point is, I know the feeling. It's like you can't be yourself.

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JustADreamer

Re:, 06-30-06 5:09pm

I've read about your relationship; I always read my friends' entries, though I don't always comment.

Hopefully we both figure out a way to 'be ourselves' soon.. But if not, it's not really likely we'll be living in the same towns all of our lives. I guess we can look forward to that. Good luck.

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