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| wiredshut (profile) wrote, on 7-5-2006 at 12:16am | |
| Current mood: distressed Music: Pink- who knew? Subject: I have to. |
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| I have to write right now, i have no idea what about or anything, i just need to. i can't control my thoughts, i've been trying so hard to be strong, to do what needs to be done to get along with my friends, not to annoy anyone, to do whats right- for me and others. i'm not ready. i'm not ready for any of it- i'm not ready to be on my own. i can't believe that im never going to see her, ever again, she'll never see my driving licence, my a levvel results, my 1st g/b- friend. i don't want to be on my own- i dont want to be responsible, i dont wt everything to change. everything has changed. andi'll never come home to see her or to speak to her, to have her say "have you had a good day?" and for me to reply "it's school" and us both rolling our eyes and laughing. great, im crying again- my eyes appear to have been leaking for the last hour and a half. it just hit me that i am never going to see her or my pappa again. it's been over a month and it only just hit me. i was hysterical at my mums funeral yeah but that was just because the vicar kept going on and on about my dad as well- it just broke me. my dads funeral ws just a blur- i blocked emotion out. i think i may visit his grave tomorrow. i miss him too- it wa harder for him to sink in as i didnt see him every day but now im never going to have his silly jokes or hear him laughing at them himself. or see him yelling and jumping in the air rather like a babboon as the rugby was on. i know neither of them were perfect- but heir good points are really sticking right now. i wish i could get the pain out. i keep having scary and horrid, realistic dreams of them. i hope they stop soon. i miss them. so much. This song, although meant to be about a lover really reminds me of my mum: "Who Knew" You took my hand You showed me how You promised me you'd be around Uh huh That's right I took your words And I believed In everything You said to me Yeah huh That's right If someone said three years from now You'd be long gone I'd stand up and punch them out Cause they're all wrong I know better Cause you said forever And ever Who knew Remember when we were such fools And so convinced and just too cool Oh no No no I wish I could touch you again I wish I could still call you friend I'd give anything When someone said count your blessings now For they're long gone I guess I just didn't know how I was all wrong They knew better Still you said forever And ever Who knew Yeah yeah I'll keep you locked in my head Until we meet again Until we Until we meet again And I won't forget you my friend What happened If someone said three years from now You'd be long gone I'd stand up and punch them out Cause they're all wrong and That last kiss I'll cherish Until we meet again And time makes It harder I wish I could remember But I keep Your memory You visit me in my sleep My darling Who knew My darling My darling Who knew My darling I miss you My darling Who knew Who knew |
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