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|midnightdelight (profile) wrote, |
on 12-13-2006 at 9:29pm
|i wish i was where i was when i wished i was where i am.
i wish i could stay here; forever. 9:30 at night, wednesday december 13th 2006. as i'm listening to the whisper of the t.v. sets, with nothing to do but this, nothing to feel but the way that this feels. where i am is where i should be, today. and it's either eupohoria or sadness, but my cheeks are wet. as i wait on the call of my wonderful boyfriend...and the cursor blinks letter after letter. this is how today feels.
this is how i feel today:
i feel like no matter how close to perfection things seem to get, it's never going to get there. what is a person without secrets? then they have blended with everyone else, keeping nothing for themselves to hold onto, and remind themselves that they are born into this world alone as they will decay alone. we may find ourselves simply holding onto companions so we can convince ourselves that we are not lonely beings. i find strength in myself and no one else. i am truely one to rely on that notion that i am the only one who is really here. no one is forever. do you really understand that? the only person you will know forever is yourself. so i am the only one i trust. i can not write, having you knowing this. you will judge me. i love you but need to keep this to myself. i am constantly worried that you will pick apart every word on this paper, and understand my imperfections. (no one understands me but myself)
no one can read these words and completely follow word for word.
i am alone.
i am my secrets.
so close to perfection.
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