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bladeoverbullet (profile) wrote,
on 4-16-2008 at 4:46pm
Subject: Graduation! and....stuff
Well, next week is the absolute last week I have in my undergraduate career. Whether or not I'll keep going, not really 100% sure yet. But for right now, my main goals are saving up enough money for a car, a plane ticket to go see the girl, and just trying to become more independent in general. I'll give a more in-depth update after I graduate, but for now...bits of observations from Demetri Martin:

“I think that when you get dressed in the morning, sometimes you're really making a decision about your behavior for the day. Like if you put on flipflops, you're saying: ‘Hope I don't get chased today.' ‘Be nice to people in sneakers.'”

“When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws. Only catapults.”

“I saw a guy at a party wearing a leather jacket and I thought, ‘That is cool.' But then I saw another guy wearing a leather vest and I thought, ‘That is not cool'. Then I figured it out: ‘Cool' is all about leather sleeves.”

“I like clothes, you know. I dig fabrics. One of my favorite clothing patterns is camouflage. Because when you're in the woods it makes you blend in. But when you're not it does just the opposite. It's like, ‘Hey, there's an asshole.' But when you're in the woods you're like, ‘Is there an asshole out here?' They look like trees.”

“I wanna make a jigsaw puzzle that's 40,000 pieces. And when you finish it, it says ‘go outside.'”

“I like parties, but I don't like piñatas because the pinata promotes violence against flamboyant animals. Hey, there's a donkey with some pizzazz. Let's kick its ass. What I'm trying to say is, don't make the same Halloween costume mistake that I did.”

“Some jokes are short and elegant, like a mathematical proof or a midget in a ballgown.”

“The worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of charades.”

“I noticed that there are no B batteries. I think that's to avoid confusion, cause if there were you wouldn't know if someone was stuttering. ‘Yes, hello I'd like some b-batteries.' ‘What kind?' ‘B-batteries.' ‘What kind?!?' ‘B-batteries!!!' and D-batteries that's hard for foreigners. ‘Yes, I would like de batteries.'”

“A drunk driver is very dangerous. So is a drunk backseat driver if he's persuasive. ‘Dude make a left.' ‘Those are trees…' ‘Trust me.'

“I wrapped my Christmas presents early this year, but I used the wrong paper. See, the paper I used said ‘Happy Birthday' on it. I didn't want to waste it so I just wrote ‘Jesus' on it.”

“I used to play sports. Then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I'm good at everything.”

“The digital camera is a great invention because it allows us to reminisce. Instantly.”

On same Daily Show episode, when asked about dangers of MySpace: “On the downside, it's loaded with sexual predators. On the plus side, it's also loaded with sexual prey.”
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