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|star-sailor (profile) wrote, |
on 6-27-2008 at 3:34am
|Current mood: sad
Music: Eyebrows - J Versus K
Subject: Like A Breeze That Is Carried By The Wind, We Move On Toward The Horizon As The Feeble Humans We Are
|Long long long long week.
I got a hair cut finally. I was saving it for something special, but the special something never came. Now it's much shorter (no more hobo look, Amie). I'll miss it though; I enjoyed it being long for the first time a long time. I enjoyed being able to hide behind something when I had something I needed to hide from.
Jean's birthday was Monday. I wished her well online, but nothing more. I wish we could be on speaking terms again, at very least. But it seems that's not in the cards that were dealt; simply occasional Facebook friends at best. I have a present for her, but I guess she doesn't want it... I sent her a message, saying I'd like to meet up, hang out, and give the present - which was true - but all she did was forward it to someone else, like gossip. I don't even know if we qualify as friends, in the most basic respects... I don't know why she is so vehemently ignoring me. Alas... I don't know what more to say. Alas.
My bank account has been thoroughly drained. My mom wanted some money for bills... then money for getting things ready (I'll explain later), then for clothes I need (I'll explain later), then for food, then basic errands. I had $900+ in my bank account at the beginning of the week, and (this is me guessing) I can reasonably guesstimate that I spent well over 200 dollars here and there. I hate spending money that is not mine, and all of the money in my account is technically dedicated for school. Along with all these expenses, I'll have to be paying for my second semester summer course, which could range anywhere from $150 - $200. I'm trying to express my lack of fiscal standing at the moment. Blahhhhh.
I had to put my dog down today. Wolverine. Oh, my dear Wolverine. It's hard to talk about, honestly; I've never lost anyone or anything close and so dear to me. Needless to say, this was quite the blow, and though it pales in comparison to the loss of others I know, I can understand their remorse. It hurts... In a way I'm not entirely able to explain with words. My memory as a child is real spotty. More like colours and random snippets of memories that don't make sense at all. But my first solid memories - the ones that I can absolutely identify and remember clearly - are my sixth birthday, when I was given Wolverine as a birthday present. I remember I loved him instantly, though I was downtrodden he wasn't a golden retriever like in Homeward Bound.
I remember how he had to go to that strange building for training for something like a week, and how sad I was while he was gone. Then he came back and was less rambunctious. I remember he used to tackle Ethan, and I would laugh. I would go on bike rides, or ride my roller blades, to keep up with Wolverine because he was so fast at walking. Then I started growing up, and with friends, video games, music, and other interests occupying my life, I kind of put Wolverine on the back burner. Not intentionally; I believe this is something that all people growing up do. There seems to always be something that a child loses via disconnection simply because they are growing up, and their interests and personality are completely changing. I'm no different, I just lost a wonderful companion. Now, I lament that I didn't care - didn't appreciate - didn't love Wolverine as much as I could have.
I am indebted to that canine. I remember that he would keep me up at night, barking at cars. I remember that he would wander the house aimlessly, pestering me for attention. I remember him eating my food when I wasn't paying attention. These were nuisances, and of course they bothered me. But I remember that he was never sour. He was always there to comfort me if I needed comforting. He was always there if I needed to run around with someone. He was there when nobody else was there; he was the only living thing I knew who could be a friend to me, at times. I remember how lonely I used to be - how I had nobody to confide in - how I couldn't trust anyone - how I couldn't live without a friend, and had no friend with me. And I remember that Wolverine was always there, and all he'd do was try to comfort me. He did his best, and I know I let him down. But given the circumstance, I did my best as well. I was changing, and I couldn't help myself nor my actions. But I treated him well, and cared for him. He lived a long, long, long life, and it was his time. I'm just sorry I couldn't be there when it was all over; when his life story was summed up with a pretty, "The End." I'm sorry it was so impersonal - damned euthanasia. I'm sorry I wasn't there for him as much as I should have been. And I'm so sorry, and I will never forget him. Never.
To completely contradict aforementioned events, there is a celebration of new beginning. My cousin, Drew, is getting married on Saturday. I'm heading down to Houston tomorrow. Apparently we're going to be staying in some swanky apartment, downtown, high up on the 49th floor. It should definitely be a treat, and I'm looking forward to it.
My summer semester begins in two weeks. I'm not looking forward to it at all, but I suppose the sooner I get out of this hellhole that is TCC, the better. Leslie, who is taking her first semester with TCC, mentioned to me about the online classes. Now, I had heard bad things about them from some students, but from her description, they seemed quite appealing... granted she's never taken them, but I prefer her opinion to the opinion of complete strangers. Matt's sister has been doing online classes for some time now, apparently, and she's quite pleased. But when I tried to sign up for summer courses online, there were none left; all full up. Apparently the courses for fall are pretty booked as well, though I haven't investigated for myself. A let-down, to be sure; I liked the vision of working at my own pace, on my own schedule, and getting things done in a matter that makes sense in my mind, anyway. I'll try and take classes online in the fall, but considering many are filled up, I may not have an option; regardless, I will earnestly attempt to gain some online classes for next spring semester - hopefully my last. Where will I go after TCC ends, whenever that is? Not sure... Possibly UNT, possibly TCU (though that's irreverently expensive), maybe SMU... I really don't know. I'd like to leave the state, but I don't know if I'm ready for such a drastic change. But I still have time... we'll see.
I have been doing all sorts of writing recently. Writing in journals, finally beginning to finish those blasted unfinished stories which have been growing stagnate in the depths of a flash drive. I've also been continuing that fanfiction of mine - in the vein of Harry Potter - Sadie Murray and the Enigma Scroll. Finally, finally, I buckled down and got a "beta," who essentially proofreads the story and gives their input. I don't need their services, but the damn website says I do; for the sake of simplicity, I bow down to their interests. I can't complain though, for Molly, this lovely beta, does catch quite a few errors I would never have otherwise seen. I have the first five chapters up, with the sixth currently in queue to be approved by the website for publishing. I have fourteen chapters written, so the sooner the website approves each chapter, the sooner I'll be finished. Read it if you get bored.
The one place I haven't really been writing is in my numerous blogs. There is one exception though: My music blog, Voilà!. It's flourishing at the moment... well, flourishing as well as I suppose I could hope that it flourishes. I've recruited a new writer (finally), though she still hasn't submitted anything yet. Essentially, I'm the only one who writes any material for the site. But I write quite a bit!, updating something like three times a week. The articles are fairly entertaining I think, certainly timely, and definitely informative. You should go check that out as well, right here. I'm always looking for new writers, so if you have any interest in music, or have things you want to say about music, or both, comment or message me! I'll tell you more about it. It's fun, I promise.
I had an adventurous trip to Florence, South Carolina planned, to visit a friend, Sarah. I really wanted to go, and have something memorable happen for my summer. Sadly, with the new semester starting, I more than likely will not have a chance until August, if at all. I hate to say that; hopefully I'll still be able to go, eventually. I want to leave this town, even if the leave is temporary. I need a change of pace. But... Eh, oh well.
Beyond that, reader, I've been listening to lots of music, playing a lot of World of Warcraft, and keeping myself occupied. I would like to make some new friends! Tie some new bonds together. I'd like a more social life. Summer lasts only a little longer, for me, dear reader. I must savour it as much as possible, hopefully with bike riding adventures, late nights doing nothing, consumption of obscene amounts of Vitamin Water, and (hopefully) mooching off of Christina's Rock Band (hint hint, wink wink). Until next time.
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