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| acidtears (profile) wrote, on 11-16-2008 at 9:46pm | |
| Current mood: numb Music: "Alright" by: Pilot Speed. Subject: And tonight I lack the strength to even move. |
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| The information given to me last night about Adam and Aubri hurt then, but now it's starting to sink in more. I do have the friends that are telling me not to worry, because he doesn't even like her. No, he has no obligation to me what-so-ever. It's not necessarily him I'm mad at. It's Aubri. We've been "BFF's" since about 6 years ago, and she goes behind my back and fools around with the guy she knows I like. That's a shitty move right there. I would never do something like that to a person I was friends with. I think last night Adam could tell I knew. When I walked past him, he opened is mouth as if to say something to me, and almost reached out and grabbed my arm. I would scoot passed him like he wasn't even there. I would scan the crowded room and pretend I didn't see his face looking at me. I would talk amongst friends like he couldn't hear me. Not talking about him of course. But, just made it seem like "I'm busy, so, don't talk to me". I was relieved when he left finally. I felt like I could finally breathe, and maybe...feel how I really felt. I put on my happy face in front of him and everyone else, but really, it was a lie. I was not happy. I was confused, hurt, betrayed, stabbed in the back, furious, and strangely I was also numb. It was an act. Oh yes, those laughs, smiles, and shy looks were for you. Tried to be like nothing ever happened. Like I said, I'm not really mad at Adam, he has no strings to me. In fact, I don't think he even knew I liked him when it happened. But he does now. I'm upset with Aubri. And she's trying to say that if I want her to stop talking to him, she will. HaHa. What am I?... His girlfriend? No. Yeah, because that's not creepy and something a psycho jealous girl would do. I told her she could talk to him if she wants, I don't give a shit. I'm not going to try to control her actions. I don't want to control her actions. I just wish she wasn't so easy. Chase says I should talk to Adam, but, I have no idea what I would say. "Hey, what's up? Yeah, I like you, do you like me back?". HA! No. A part of me feels like I shouldn't even feel this way about the situation. Oh well. Can't help it. The rest of the night at Chase's house was pretty good though. It was just me and Kayliegh in the house, until she went to bed. I got online and talked to my good friend Eric. Talked for a couple hours and then I hear a knock on the door. I went out and answered it and it was Brendon. YAY! My male friend that I can vent to, and he actually listens. So we just talked to his friends online, watched funny youtube stuff, watched SuperBad, ate, smoked, and talked the rest of the night. Until my tired ass passed the hell out. So right now, there's beautiful snow on the roofs of homes and cars. That was the highlight of that night. The snow. It made me feel like something new and better could be starting. And right now, I will put on my mask of contentment, because let's face it, I have family to take care of. And I don't need them wondering what's wrong. I'm done rambling now. Thanks for reading to those that did. -Samm d'Massacre. |
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cJessicaPyne | 11-17-08 1:07am You never called me back so I'm glad to hear everything worked out that night. If you want, you know you can call whenever you want and we'll work something out with Adam - or hell, even Aubri. I have no ties to her and wouldn't mind kicking someone's ass. She had no right, really, and probably wouldn't have done anything with him until she knew that it would hurt you.
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acidtears | Re:, 11-17-08 4:36am Yeah, Aubri tells me that she "kind of" likes him. I was just like whatever bitch. And this weekend, if my dad doesn't have us, or hell... even if he does, I'll ditch him and we could hang out. Yeah, as soon as I walked into my house, I was thinking "Is it too late for me to call her so she can turn around?". lol. I love you too Jess. And being my BFF, that is definitely the same in your case. It's so hard to comment on your comments. I'm not that good with words. HaHa. Gahh, Fuck My Life. lol. |
cjessicapyne | Re: Re:, 11-18-08 2:26am Never too late to call me, babe. Never. |
acidtears | Re: Re: Re:, 11-18-08 11:59am I know. I will definitely Call you this weekend if we don't go to my dad's. Maybe even if we're supposed to go. I don't know. No doubt though, I will talk to you soon. |
cjessicapyne | Re: Re: Re: Re:, 11-19-08 2:14am sounds great, give me a call. |