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| ratanatheevilkitty (profile) wrote, on 5-30-2009 at 7:10am | |
| this happy anxious worried incandescent searching place in my brain is nice. i forgot that i had it. and i forgot that i could stay up until 7 AM making artwork, losing those hours to nothing and without protest. i'm not sure what i'm saying but i will try to keep saying it. when i was talking about dan and how he is part of this whole separate world of culture and music and practice practice transcribe gig practice, i felt so small and omni-faceted, and i realized last night, or two nights ago, or tonight, or all three, that i have a little world of my own too, and it is beautiful and lovely and there is nobody who understands it but me, "i live in a box of paints," and it never once crosses my mind that i am shutting anyone out of this world; merely that i live there alone. and that is the way that dan must feel. and that is okay. that is wonderful. we will never be bored with one another, and we will understand the other's need to retreat sometimes. i have something someone and another something, and lots of friends! i have a massive pile of worries and i'm sleeping less than ever but gosh gosh gosh am i happy. and you who told me that this would never last is so wrong. i'm sorry you were unhappy then, but i was introducing me to myself because for so long, for two years, i was you. stop worrying about everything. no matter who you decide to be. |
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godsconcern | 05-30-09 12:53pm Hey I cant be right all the time. And I was saying it more out of spite than anything, im glad your happy. |
godsconcern | Re:, 05-30-09 12:54pm And I cant help but to worry. Im a pessimist, its what I do. |
ratanatheevilkitty | Re: Re:, 05-30-09 2:25pm yes, but i just wish you would understand. you don't need friends that get angry with you in iraq, and you don't have to think the worst of everyone either. |
godsconcern | Re: Re: Re:, 05-31-09 2:32pm Yea they get me angry but we both know im not perfect and bring some of it on myself. You cant say you and your friends get in to arguments. And I dont think the worst of everyone, I am just not as quick the think the best of others. |