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|arrivistemerkaba (profile) wrote, |
on 5-3-2011 at 2:16pm
|Current mood: crushed
Subject: What I remember.
|I had a dream last night where I died in surgery quick and painless as I slipped away. When I opened my eyes to the after life I found myself in front of a tall dark skinned man with the lightest blue hair. Borderline cobalt in a long braid to his waist. He took my hand and explained to me that my years if faith in the Denican heart had impressed him and all who watched on me, and for that I had earned a small reward.
He told me that I could have the 24 hours leading up to my own death back, that I could live it again and make any changes that I wanted as long as I didn't change the fact that I would die. Without a thought I agreed and thanked him. We kissed necks and I closed my eyes for a second, opening them to my grandmother's living room.
I wasted no time, I called everyone that I had the number of (and some I don't, but in dream land you can do alot) and told them that I loved them and that I had absolute faith in their lives.
I quickly got dressed and drove to Emmett, my heart pounding at every mile. It was evening by then and I was having a hard time breathing. Pulling up to Joe's house I snuck to the side and tapped on his window. He came and my heart broke for the millionth time. He invited me in, and I came locking the door behind me. He looked at me confused, and I just smiled and explained that I had to leave for the surgrey the next day and I was scared. I wanted to have one night with him alone so that no matter what happened I would go in calm and happy.
He said okay, and we kissed. Long and passionately with out hands clasped together. I pulled his shirt off and he did the same for me, hands taking any small fleeting chance to touch and caress the other's skin. We made love, slow and lovingly, with our voices quiet and understanding. As he finished I wrapped my arms around him at the lower back pushing my heartbeat against his. Again he was ready, and we continued fast and frantic our thoats too raw from gasping to say anything. It continued for what felt like hours, like days and finally neither could continue. We were spent and quiet simply laying next to eachother the lines of our bodies pressed together.
We whispered "I love you." in unison and I cried. Long shaking screams of anger and of loss, like a leopard that had lost everything from it's life.
I blinked, and I had become a beast, furred and ferral staring at the ground as I howled at the grass below me.
I blinked and I was in a parkinglot, standing outside of the hostpital where I'll go under the knife.
Smiling, I walked into the office, knowing that I would die, and I was at peace.
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then just kill yourself he already moved on if he loves you he would come back but he never will duh so give up you dumb bitch!!!!!!