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oceanchild (profile) wrote,
on 11-10-2011 at 12:47am
Nathan wrote me back last night to say that while he was willing to talk, he didn't want to be friends.

At first I was angry, oh so angry. But that burned off overnight, and today I'm just in a slump. I suppose I have to accept that I'm just not as important to him as I wish I were--maybe I never was. I feel like this is just one more situation in which he's running away rather than facing something difficult. When it counted, he was never really willing to take the initiative and fight for me. It's a painful realization and it makes me feel pretty worthless.

I don't know how to talk to him without being his friend. We know each other too well to just be acquaintances. And so I wrote him back to say, in essence, "Well, ball's in your court, then; have a nice life."

And now...I don't know where to go from here. I feel like three months ago I lost my boyfriend, and yesterday night I lost my best friend too. I'm getting progressively more alone as the months go by. And my horoscope for today read something like "The more connections you make, the harder it is to hang onto the meaningful ones. Your circle of friends may have expanded, but your circle of close friends may have decreased."

Thanks a lot, downer fortune.
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godessalthena

11-11-11 2:47pm

Thru the 4 breakups I've had, I find that staying friends after breaking up is nearly impossible, unless you wait for at least a year before trying it. I find that talking to my exes just brings up a lot of hurt and anger. It is losing the closest person you've ever had to your heart, but it's a risk of getting into that kind of relationship with someone.. I've lost all of my close friends in the past 6 years and now I have a few people I consider friends, but no one I would say are best friends or anything. I think it comes with getting older.. Which sucks.

I guess this isn't really uplifting :( but I've been there and am there with you! You'll survive and I'm positive if you keep your mind open you'll find something even better

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oceanchild

Re: , 11-13-11 8:43pm

*hugs* Thanks.

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goodbye

11-14-11 12:23am

I think you actually have a lot in common with my ex. He has been doing some of the same things. Writing me, trying to explain his short comings, wanting to be closer. But for me, every time we've gotten closer - talked, messaged, even just wall posts, feelings came up that didn't need to. Either he mentioned how much he wanted me back or how much he hated me. And all of this caused so much... unneeded and unnecessary issues that I just haven't been able to keep him as an acquaintance, much less a friend. All of the distress and turmoil caused my now significant other lots of irritation and I have come to the decision that it would be better for all of us just not to talk to him anymore. Even though I still would like him to be in my life and often think of him and good times we've spent together.
All of this is not trying to lead you into feeling worse about the situation but try and put yourself in his shoes. Think about where he is coming from and try to understand that being friends is hard when you do have a history together. Maybe you do need to make more friends - but close friends. Maybe one or two who you find an ease to talk to. Or become closer to your other friends... Having a connection to someone, being able to talk to them about how you feel has made everything easier for me. You may be different. I know many people who are. But talking helps. If you ever need to chat, don't hesitate.


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oceanchild

Re: , 11-14-11 11:16am

I don't know. It sounds like your ex was just trying to get you back. I wasn't planning on doing that, and I've only contacted Nathan twice since we broke up--to tell him happy birthday and to see if he was interested in being friends again.

I don't really understand his decision to end things but I do accept it, and I wasn't intending to try and explain my shortcomings or bring up old feelings or get him to change his mind or anything like that. I just...wanted my friend back. And now that he's said that he's not interested in even that, I'm not going to push it. *shrug*

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goodbye

Re: Re: , 11-14-11 1:57pm

Sounds like kind of a jerk to me... without reason or explanation. Maybe you don't need someone in your life like that anyhow.

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