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valoth (profile) wrote,
on 11-20-2011 at 10:53pm
Current mood: depressed
Music: The Xx - Crystalized
Subject: 24hrs
Here we are. 24 hours later. I felt like shit all damn day. My phone is filling up with saved drafts of text messages I want to send.

Now that Ive made the choice I feel I made the wrong one.

I feel like I should have taken the skype, msn, and computer problems as a better sign. 30minutes of skype video crashing my system and then moving to another computer only to have the same problem.

Its eating at me like a cancer. I feel like Ive just thrown away the only good friend I had left. I want to break something, shout, go nuts, and just generally make it feel better.

To top it off I never got to say half of what I wanted. Which is that if she can show me what I am, what I mean to her...Id be so much more at ease. Or so I hope.

So Marley, if you happen by this place. Show me you care. Show me why. Help me understand things. I miss you. I need you.

I feel like shit and I only have 1 day of work between me and at least a weeks worth of days off. Im going to be sinking to depths I havent seen before without her.

I litterally have no one to lean on.

I have plenty of people I can talk to. Online gamer "friends", mtg "friends", coworkers I get along with...short list...
None of which want to hear my woes or have advice to enrich my life. None to actually be there for me.
I need friends. No. I need good friends. Friends who would go out of there way for me. And me for them.

No wonder Im alone.

Which brings me to the best(worst) part of all this. I still have my id/ego/superego issue looming over my head. I have self perspective on the situation like I live in third person.
Ya, I talk to myself.
Im crazy.
Can you blame me for being this way if all Ive ever had in life is people pick on me?
Yup I blame others.
I wont say I do not have short comings, but holy shit I was given a raw deal here.

No goals.
No friends.
No love.

Happy Holidays, am I right?

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