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|mintbones (profile) wrote, |
on 8-21-2012 at 1:13am
|So, I committed to something, for once. Twice, in fact, today. After a life of mostly wishy-washing, fence-sitting, ho-humming -- it's a nice change.
Though I may regret at least one commitment. Hopefully not the other.
I know you. I know why you have always been so afraid of the "dark side". The occult. Palmistry, astrology, childish devil costumes on halloween. Henna tattoos, pentacles, incense.
It came to me when I remembered why you gave me that name.
You always loved Charmed. And Bewitched. And Sabrina. And Hocus Pocus. Literally any tv/movie witches, you loved them and watched them all the time.
You wish that could be you. You want to know the world in the way a witch knows the world. You want to understand.
But, poor wretch, the Church got its talons into you before you had time to learn to think for yourself. So you're afraid. You were always taught it was evil, bad, wrong.
But I know you. I know that look.
You feel that darkness, too. The same one I feel. That feeling of just not being quite aligned with the others. Being just far enough off the beaten path that you can see the grey in between the black and white of the others' morality.
You try very hard to apply what you learned as a child to what you feel in your darkest heart. But it's troublesome.
You go the renaissance festival every year, you read books about magic and fantasy, you brush up as close as you can to the swaying waist of occult and witchcraft without admitting to yourself that you want to dance, too.
Tv magic is okay, as long as it's just pretend. Even if it uses almost exactly the same principles and states the same beliefs... and you agree with those beliefs stated by pretend witches on tv.
You poor creature. One day, maybe you'll open up. Maybe you'll ask me.
I doubt it, sadly. The church is not the only thing closing its claws on you. Age is narrowing your mind like a drawstring, and every year your brow cuts deeper, your lips purse tighter, your heart grows harder.
Every year you're less capable of admitting your own shadow.
But I'll be here. If one day you find you've misplaced your religion, come to me before you despair. I'll show you that all you admired from afar is perfectly harmless closer up, provided you keep your wits about you.
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