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srsbsnsrunner (profile) wrote,
on 11-21-2013 at 2:36am
Subject: where do we go from here?
It's almost 3am, and I'm awake. Contemplating where I am, where I'm going and what I'm doing. There's a peace that has washed over me as of late. Even amongst all the anxiety I've been feeling, I feel calm, happy, and just mostly okay.
All my life I've been chasing the fleeting idea of perfection and I feel like I'll chase it for the rest of my life. Mainly because I am hell bent on being a better human being. I feel like that's my goal in life is to just be me but the most amazing version I can be. Can anyone truly be the best version of themselves? I think it's like perfection, a fleeting idea because you can always be better at something. Improve a little here, maybe soften your heart a little there. But the difference is that perfection is so absolute, it has an end. Being a better person doesn't. It's not the end of all things, it's the beginning of eternity.
Something I've been working on lately has been my overall outlook on life. My mom told me one day that all she hears out of my mouth is complaints. I took a step back, thought about it and said, oh my gosh, she's right. Not saying that I have to take everything lying down and be passive but instead of finding the ugly, I need to find the beauty.
Have you ever walked outside in a wind storm to see the sky black, wind howling in your ears, chill in the air? But then you watch a little longer and see how the leaves in shades of reds, oranges and yellows begin to swirl. You watch them dance, as if moving to a silent song that they only can hear, until you listen and hear it to.
That's my favorite part of wind storms, the dancing. The dancing of the leaves, trees, birds, every part of nature swaying to the music.
I feel like my life is a windstorm most of the time, but I've learned to be the leaves and just dance with the song.
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