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srsbsnsrunner (profile) wrote,
on 1-3-2014 at 4:57pm
Subject: heavy.
"I am not a hero; I cannot fix you. I am not strong; I cannot save you. I am weak; I cannot melt the frozen, broken places in you. I am insufficient; I cannot heal your pain. But I have hope, because I can do much more than that. I can love you."

In a place where all seems broken, the most we can do is love. Unconditionally love. I have an innate desire to fix people, to mend their broken hearts, to be the hero. That's all I wanted growing up, to be the hero, the one that people admired and inspired to be. I wanted people to look at me and say she fixed me. Maybe that's why I went into physical therapy as a career because I can fix something.
No. I can't actually fix it. The only thing I can do is instruct how to fix it. You have to fix it yourself.
So then why do I keep trying to fix all around me that is broken?
Every year when I go home for Christmas, I keep hoping to fix it all. The brokenness we all feel, the pain that never truly ends. We're all hurting. And every year something happens that makes the hurt worse, like a blade being twisted deep into the depths of our hearts.
I can't describe what it feels like to see your family broken and feel deep within your soul you can't fix it. Even though you keep trying, it's like grasping for that which does not exist. There's a certain unrest that comes with feeling this way, you have to consciously tell yourself that what has come to pass will come.

soul searching.

boats sail through dark waters.
smooth as glass.
heart beats beneath.
stars glisten above.

what say you?
no lights, no sounds.
i love yous
caught on the wings of silent flight.

surface glistens
her own reflection
stillness in her heart

quietly whispering
go ashore
find rest

rest in the sand
reflections of the moon above
footprints left behind,
washed away
engulfed by the darkness

lay down your weary head child
in this bed of sand
the blanket of your soul

whisper into the still
forgive and forget
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