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|srsbsnsrunner (profile) wrote, |
on 7-12-2014 at 4:28pm
|Subject: wave goodbye.
|I'm tired of writing about it and I'm sure everyone in the world is tired of reading about it.
I make everything more complicated than it needs to be. I don't even know why that is. Every relationship I've had is tainted with complication, maybe I enjoy the puzzle, the challenge.
As I'm sure everyone knows, I've been struggling since coming back into contact with a boy, we'll call him M. He brings out the worst in me and I the worst in him. Those 6 months without him were amazing, I was the best version of myself that I've seen in a long time. All of a sudden out of the blue I decided saying hi and letting him back into my life was a good idea. That was a month or so ago and it has had bad idea written all over it.
We told each other we'd changed, our relationship had changed but it hadn't. I have finally realized it's not going to. So after multiple texts explaining, I've decided just to throw my hands up and walk away.
Because we all deserve to be the best version of ourselves? Right?
I was texting my friend, P, and I was ranting and raving about how easy it was for me to kick my dysfunctional family out of my life but I can't kick the most dysfunctional person out! P, said you'll have to be more specific and so I explained about M and how he makes me a worse person and I hate it. Hate. It. P said and I quote "Yeah there really shouldn't even be a M. Wave goodbye and move on."
Is it really that simple?
The truth is yes, it is. All I have to do is wave goodbye and move on.
No more lengthy text messages explaining and trying to let him down easy so I don't hurt his feelings.
I don't have to offer an explanation, I'm allowed to wave goodbye and leave.
He's going to hurt.
And I hate hurting people. But this year is about me. ME! ME! ME! Getting MY shit together and not worrying about everyone else around me.
So goodbye, farewell, adios, have a nice life! I don't want to be part of it anymore!
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