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|srsbsnsrunner (profile) wrote, |
on 8-3-2014 at 2:24pm
|Subject: heard it through the grapevine.
|I don't know exactly how to word this without sounding like a jerk. But I don't want a relationship with my parents anymore.
Now my dad, that's a given, I kept trying to make that work and no dice. I don't have the time or energy to devote resources to fixing something that is obviously one sided.
He can have a relationship with my brother and sister, I could honestly care less. Because I don't want a relationship with either of them at the moment either.
Nor my mother.
They're all dysfunctional. Now I understand that family dysfunction is normal and there is no such thing as a perfect family but this is too much. My mom calls me multiple times a day and gets angry/upset if I don't answer, even though I just talked to her last week. Then if I do call her back, all she does is complain about her life, about my siblings, about her job, etc.
I just can't.
I've spent countless hours in therapy, trying to make myself a more functional person in society. I didn't want to become them. Any of them.
My therapist told me I will probably never have a good relationship with my family because they will just keep dragging me down.
It's sad but this is the way it has to be if I want to live the life that I want, that I need to live. I can't hold their hands anymore. I can't be my mother's main support system anymore. Sure during the divorce, that was fine. But that was over close to 9 years ago. I have a wonderful life to live. I don't want to be stuck back there. Constantly reliving things that are long finished.
I have moved on, I have accepted what happened, I have healed from it. Sure I still get angry on Father's Day but that's one day out of the year.
The truth is, the less I talk to my family, the better I feel. I don't feel guilty about it either.
I figure they'll come around when they're ready. They have my number, they know where I live.
I might not even go home for Christmas this year because every year I go home, the same shit happens. I'm tired of that.
Maybe I'll go to Seattle and spend it with my friend.
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