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x-cosmic-sunday-x (profile) wrote,
on 9-13-2015 at 11:23pm
In a world full of uglieness;

Friday felt good, relatively normal, excited for the weekend, the usual. Fast forward to Friday night and for whatever reason my mental state shifted drastically. I wasn't particularly sad per say, but certainly felt self destructive, to a point that is relatively foreign to me. I ended up slicing up my upper thigh pretty good, cutting, something I've only done several times in my life. Typically I have an aversion to self inflicted pain. But at the moment it felt right. Nothing triggered it, it was just another way to cope. The physical overshadowed the mental. Thankfully, afterwards, a friend picked me up and we spent some time at the beach just staring at stars, reveling in the vastness of the ocean. We needed up hanging out until 5am, something absurd for me but something I also needed in that moment.
The next day I awoke late, no better off than how I felt before plus feeling silly and ashamed of my actions, even being the only person who knows.
I walked Molls and contemplated going to a dungeon party. Finally I figured I'd put on a brave face and just go. I went for dinner with J & R, and we met at the party after. We ended up doing a scene together in which they co-topped me. It ended up being a really good night with good people and good energy. I am in turn glad I went.
Today R; C and I went to the needle dojo; where I both topped and bottomed needles for the first time. There was a small group of about 12 and I couldn't have asked for a more relaxed/welcoming environment for both those first expierence.I left feeling completely blissed out from the endorphine rush of both topping and bottoming and felt exceptionally proud considering I used to have an extremely severe needle phobia.

While I'm always sad for the weekend to end, this weekend has been filled with exceptional kinky; boundary pushing fun. Thus making the switch back to vanilla land tomorrow all the more less enjoyable.

Give it to me baby.
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