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|rek (profile) wrote, |
on 5-6-2017 at 7:31am
|This is the last time. No more. I'm sorry you can't be a civil person. But I can't have such an abusive person in my life.
This is painful. I'm never letting you hurt me again. I've forgiven you for the awful awful things you did and said - pushing my mother down the stairs when I was a child, verbally abusing us, telling me I was a stupid idiot a day before my suicide attempt, screaming and throwing things when you were upset... I know you have problems of your own and were hurt yourself when you were younger... I thought maybe you had changed now that you were an old man, maybe you had learned, maybe we could have had a ok relationship.
But no. I tell you something about myself that doesn't fit with your expectations of me, and suddenly that evokes this.. childish meanness in you. And it hurts coming from a parent. Even still now as an adult. I know better now, that I shouldn't internalize it, I am not what you say, you are just trying to get back at me for making a decision you don't agree with in a particularly hurtful fashion.
Would it help if I told you one of the reasons I don't want kids is because I'm afraid I would be a parent as awful as you? No, it wouldn't. But it's true.
You can try to be mean to me, but you reap what you sow. I don't want that because I don't want to be mean and hurtful like you are to me.
I have my brothers and my mother and my stepfamily and my in-laws. I don't require you in my life. It's just sad that you have to do this yourself. I tried this year, and you proved it's not possible, and I'm truly sorry for that.
I will forgive again in time. I will not be bitter like you are. But I will also not subject myself to your abuse any longer.
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i hope you don't mind me commenting, but this really hit close to home. i always tell my significant other that the hardest thing in life is the fact that we don't get to choose the family we're born into. sounds like you had a difficult childhood, i can't say if mine was better or worse. all i know is there were moments when i was driven very close to the edge. i'm not sure what to say, i just felt i needed to say something. hope things get better for you, don't let anyone make you feel like you're nothing less than marvelous. we all are.