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srsbsnsrunner (profile) wrote,
on 8-28-2017 at 2:54pm
Subject: comeback.
I've been struggling with an injury for YEARS. It comes and goes. I've managed to power through it, stop for a bit, rehab it, go back at it then the cycle starts over again. This time, I am trying to stop completely, go back to square one and start all over again.

This is frustrating. Especially when I've been working on it for almost a year between PT visits and gym visits. I think I am doing really well then I have a set back and then get depressed about it.

And I also get scared because it's an injury to my foot and I fear that it'll eventually be the last straw and my foot will essentially fall apart and I'll need surgery. After working in PT, I can tell you that foot surgery doesn't always have a happy ending. I'm a trail runner. Some times foot surgery results in not being able to run again. Or maybe techniques have gotten better in the past few years. I don't know.

All I know is I am depressed, disappointed, frustrated and trying to find motivation to keep moving forward. Letting myself feel these feelings is important because being a runner is part of my identity and I have temporarily lost that part. That's something to mourn. But at some point I have to get over the fear, anxiety and depression and keep moving forward.

I might have had a set back, minor. My ankle is more swollen today than it has been in weeks. And more sore. But I also rode by bike 18 miles yesterday... and 16 miles the week before. Which I think attributes to some of the soreness cause I don't know what else it could be.

I am doing my PT program pretty regularly but now that I am done with school, it's time to step it up. All of it. I am leaving for NZ in 6 months. NZ is the outdoor mecca of the world and I want to be able to do things when I'm there. I want to be able to run trails, go for long bike rides, try surfing, maybe get back to yoga and CrossFit, maybe try taking up martial arts (I've always wanted to try) but part of me isn't sure if that's realistic given that my foot condition is chronic.

I have to believe that I will get better. And that the time and effort will be worth it and that I'll come back stronger than before. I have to believe that. I have to believe that I can still be an athlete.

I'm almost 28. I don't want to stop now. I have so many things left to explore.
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