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steppingstones (profile) wrote,
on 6-28-2018 at 1:34pm
Current mood: detoxing
Music: Bob Moses - Tearing Me Up
Subject: Daily Reflections
The Language of Letting Go - Melody Beattie
6/28

"Learn to recognize when something isn't working or isn't flowing. Step back and wait for clear guidance."

"Often the answer will emerge more clearly in the quietness of letting go than it will in the urgency, frustration, and desperation of pushing harder."

I've been thinking lately about how I need to put energy into and follow the pull I feel for some things. I think it's the flow calling me but I resist and I ignore and I excuse. I'm afraid to fail. I'm afraid it won't be as perfect as it needs to be or could be. I'd rather not try.

This fear of failure is so ingrained in me. And the decades I spent not doing any flow feel like they've necrotized me against working properly. I feel like the wheels are too rusted and stuck to start turning again and get me anywhere. And that too feels like an excuse.

This passage wants me to let go but only after repeated efforts. I haven't made the efforts. I don't even start.

I want to start the blog. My brain wants the infrastructure set up but I'm indecisive about what platforms to use. I could however just start writing things. I do want a backlog of written before I start.

I want to make L her website. I should really just commit and do it. I have it mostly laid out in my head but... ..... what stops me?

Feeling like I don't have the energy?
I can generate the energy.

Feeling like I just don't want to?
But I do want to....
And it would be something to do that would have an end result.

But what if she doesn't like it?
But it would be more than she has now and everything is adjustable, I can change anything I make.

I need to finish these background tasks so I can do these fun projects. I need my home in order.

But the recent lesson I've learned is to not put things off, even if I've built a system about when things can happen and what needs to be done first. Just start things. Make little baby steps when I'm ready.

I can do this.
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