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lp13a13ex54x (profile) wrote, on 4-25-2003 at 9:18pm | |
Music: *Fr0m de InSyDe* Subject: ~*the most horrible feeling...ever*~ |
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someone...all i kno is thats it not me. i cant jump to conclusions because im not exactly sure whats going on right now with them..if anything is at all. but it seems so much easier to think the worst and only the worst..rather than have all of the other painful options open and laid out on the table. it was much easier when i wasnt involved..much easier when i didnt hurt..when everything i thought didnt involve him..when it didnt matter where he was or who he was with because i had my own thing goin on at the time. where did all of that time go huh? why am i suddenly forced to feel all of this piling up on itself and not letting me have a moments peace? why do my emotions always get the best of me and tear me apart inside. why do i always allow myself to be utterly controlled by these feelings and held down by the very thing that i come to hate the most in the end? why do we as human beings always want what we cant have? and never rest and have a single moment of peace unless we either have it..or getting it is so hopeless that the conflict no longer lingers throughout our body and plagues the very depths of our minds and souls. why cant we just allow ourselves to instead, fall away from these every emotions and just lie motionless on the floor secluded from all of humanity through our darkest hours. have you ever loved someone so much that the very thought of losing them to another constantly tortured your soul? youve loved them so much youve even hated them. and maybe youre even hating the wrong people because not one person can be to blame for the actions of two. its the lonliest position in the world to want ever so much, the happiness of the one that you love. but to know that if they do in fact achieve their vision of tru happiness...that it isnt with you. am i supposed to just stand back and watch all of this happen around me until i have degrated myself to a meer hollow existance of what i used to be? to feel so helpless and know that theres absolutely nothing that you can do about it..the clock is ticking down and the thoughts just keep racing through your head of whats going on at that moment, at that place. somwehere in the back of your mind you long to be there, supervising every single action that goes on...but deep inside of your heart you know that you couldnt bear to open yourself to that much hurt. the hurt only causes confusion and the more that you face only drives you deeper off of the egde of simply...nowhere. the person who once made your heart jump out of your chest pounding with such pure glee and excitement is now the very thing that brings the most pain and sadness to your life. what is a girl to do? sit and watch while the wind carries her breath away? watch as her heart disinigrates into a talc and drift off into the distance of where she never wanted to end up? here lies a broken heart on the floor and with nothing to tell her that it could have been different. do you know what it feels like to have no idea what the fuck you did wrong? no one tells you anything at all so you just figure that its alright. until the love of your life just all of a sudden up and slips from beneath your grip and you can no longer withstand the agony. it causes you to release without a fight because you realize that theres no point in carrying on. tis' pointless to want ant want and try so hard to achieve the heart of who will never give his heart back in return. you want so much to be the one that he holds dear to him every night. whispering that everything will just be alright..because thats all that you want to hear. one moment alone with him and you feel like the world and everything with it has just disappeared and the only two people left standing are you and him, him and you. why couldnt it just stay like that and why are there these people who have to come and take that away? i suppose it would just be too simple if we all got what we wanted in life. and everything always carried out with a happy ending and smiles on everyones faces and colorful balloons with fancy castles of enchantment, princesses and wicked witches. its all too perfect. so you send yourself back to where you belong. and after all of this, you dont even long to belong anymore. you just want to slip away fromt he world...as the one you love so dear has slipped away from you. this is my refrain. the world..everything else..when does the pain end? where does it all go when its over? will i ever see that joyous time for which i long soo much to greet with open arms? cry me a river. stephanie |
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xcherrycherrysx | oh man, 04-26-03 10:15pm :cries you an me a river and floats down in on my row-a-bed.. stephanie! i never knew! yous a poet and i dint even kno-et !! .. (actually i did but i like that saying) bro!!! taht was the most beautiful yet saddest thing ever!!! i seriously never thought it was this.. serious . man.. Man! i love you steph! you;ll always have me! if everyone else in the world fucks you over you can always count on me because you ish my best friend and always will be! so git over here and no more sadness ever!! .. wtf am i talking to your g-book thing for... :runs to the IM: - hen- |
Anonymous | *doesnt cry yu a river cuz tat's pity n tis sumthing she hates* *kills pity cuz it never helps* *hugs yu n clings*, 04-29-03 6:44pm *koff* anywho.. bad things arent always the end of a situation. more often than not the situation will imporve slightly... then it gets worse... but hey. at least it got a lil better and hopefully it will improve again... yu hurt now, but wasnt it worth having em for the while yu did? crap piles up on everyone, some more than others.. yu cuz of the situation yur in.. emotions are tricky..when yu dun have em yu wish yu did but when yu do yu dun wan em cuz theyre a pain in the ass...
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