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Courtney Rae's Journal

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:: 2004 22 February :: 10.33 pm
:: Mood: all of thee above
:: Music: paper heart

how is it that you
can manage to be so
you seem to be everything
that i want and you
dont even try
your eyes shine brighter
than the stars and
your smile can just bring
me to my knees
everytime i have any doubts
about anything your face
your presence can
make them all fade to nothing
and your face is all i need
to see in the morning
and at night to know
that i am the luckiest
person ever and you were
the one to make it all
possible - written by Albert.
Dedicated To Clinton.

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:: 2003 20 December :: 8.24 pm
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: none

I'll Bite My Tonge Again Today..
Push These Feelings Down..
I Try To Hide How I Feel..
And Yet It Doesn't Work..
I Hide Behind This Smiling Face..
But The Tears, They Still Show..
I'm Screaming On The Inside, And No One Can Hear..
No One Helps..No One Cares..
No One Knows How I Hurt..
And It's So Obious This Is All For You..

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:: 2003 10 December :: 7.28 pm
:: Mood: DONT CARE!
:: Music: DONT CARE!


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:: 2003 8 December :: 10.01 pm
:: Mood: alone.. cry-ish...missful..
:: Music: suga suga

I'm over him, finally over the one I've loved for almost 2 straight years..BUT.. my feelings have gone toward someone else..that doesnt have those feelings for me..*cries* I'ts sadening knowing that I'm right..It's better to go thru the pain now rather than latter when it will hurt even worse. I tryed today at school.. I about cryed at lunch.. the tears were in my eyes waiting to fall but i stopped them. It's Hurts. Hurts real bad. Goodnight. I love you Kate.. And Joe.. you've helped alot. :)

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:: 2003 7 December :: 11.07 pm
:: Mood: Shoot Me..Through The Heart.
:: Music: Someday

I hate the way you look at me.
And the way you act so weird.
I hate the way you have no clue.
I hate it when you're far, not near.
I hate your stupid everything.
And the way you have no fears.
I hate you so much it makes me sick-
It even makes some tears.
I hate the way I talk to you.
I hate it when you're mad.
I hate it when you make me happy.
Even worse when you make me mad.
I hate it that you're just my friend.
But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you.
Not even close, not even a little bit.
It's just not fair.

Thats a poem i wrote to a certain someone July 15.. I still mean everyword of it..and I'm sorry..

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:: 2003 26 November :: 4.10 pm
:: Mood: thirsty
:: Music: mary Janes last dance - ton Petty

sitting with Neilee eating apple *good fucking* pie and ice cream. Looking for something to do. Since SOMEONE forgot there video camera. yup.. gonna go now.. Byes...

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:: 2003 16 November :: 8.34 pm
:: Mood: can't wait
:: Music: one call away-Chingy

Sitting here, waiting for Josh to get online so I can talk to him. I havent wrote in a while so I thought I would in my spare time. I enjoy being singel, not having to worry about feeling guilty for kissing another guy or checking another guy, but then again, I hate it. Being alone..not having someone call you everyday, ya know. yeah..well im gonna go now.. I'll call Josh or something. Everyone have a goodnight.

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:: 2003 11 November :: 12.33 pm
:: Mood: hopefull

..Undreamable love..
Holding ur handz & kissing u
Feelin ur sweet & soft lipz too
Cuddlin keepin each other warm
U keepin me safe from harm
Under the starz tonight
Along with the moonlight
Realizing this is reality
Cuz wit u dreamz can neva compare
To all da thingz we have shared
Cuz our love is undreamable

I hope someday, Someone feels this way about me..*sigh*

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:: 2003 11 November :: 12.16 pm
:: Mood: why?

I'm giving up on loving you
I cant take the pain you've put me through
Deep down I know the feelings are always there
Maybe someday you will care
At least for now I can hide my pain
I know if I dont, I'll go insane
Our time apart has made me realize
There is no second chance when it comes to guys
I almost had you back one time
But of course, you changed your mind
The many excuses that you have told
Are getting lame and really old
We never talk anymore
Its like a room to ur life and u've slammed the door
It hurts to know you've shut me out
Now i know wut love is all about
You're happy then u cry and cry
Where there was truth becomes all lies
All in all it never ends for good
But then again, who thought it would?

----- About Billy-----

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:: 2003 11 November :: 12.01 pm
:: Mood: DEAD
:: Music: DEAD

-Die for love-
I sit in the park where I dwell
For this boy I love so well
He took my heart away from me
Now he wants to set me free
I see a girl on his lap
He says things to her he never said to me
I ran home to cry on my bed
Not a word to mother was said
Father came home late that night
He looked at me from left to right
He saw me hanging from a rope
He took his knife to cut me down
And on my dress a note was found:
Dig my grave Dig it deep
Dig my grave From head to feet
And on the top place a dove
And remember this, I died for love….

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:: 2003 10 November :: 10.07 pm
:: Music: missing

i miss him, more than ever before. I'll always love him, i know hes the one..hopefully someday we will together. Have the perfect life. 1 baby boy and 2 wonderful jobs. A beautiful house and a great family. Our kid has friends like my friends i have now. I miss him. I hope he understnds that i love him and always will. It's been 1 year and 2 months and 4 days. I've loved him for more than 2 years. Thats why i cant keep a relationship going for longer than mine and his..I always end up thinking of him, him holding me instead of the person im going out with. its just not right...tell me thats not love. 2 years and 8 months I've loved him..tell me thats not love,DAMNIT!

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:: 2003 10 November :: 9.47 pm
:: Mood: emotionless, once again, becuase of you.
:: Music: These Days, Its a country song yes i know, its i like it.

yeah sittin here thinkin' bout josh and how attractive he is. Yet, still thinking about that certain person that i wish i wasn't. Just got home from DeAnna and Brads house. Brads kool, he may be a whore but hes really kool.
86% of 14 year olds are sexually active... Thats terrible! how worse can that get! And no im not onf of those 14 year olds.. even thou im 15. but yeah..I love you neilee. Im going to wait from him to appear online...try to make my miserable life a little happier.
Goodnight and SweetDreams everyone.

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:: 2003 7 November :: 9.35 pm
:: Mood: FUN!! WHOOA!
:: Music: why dont you and I

Hey, Im at my cousins hosue with Lorna and Mia and obiously my cousin.. I love her. My bestest friend! We seen ELF today, i was alright.. I get to see josh tomorrow.. hes soo hott! Blakes gonna be here to but hes retarted so is chuck! But yeah im gonna go have fun with all my cousins friends! Peace.. Much love james

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:: 2003 3 November :: 5.56 pm
:: Mood: emtionless
:: Music: outside

so yeah..hows everyone? im alright.. just eatin some chicken stuff... im bored, i need to find something to do.. Watching some gay commercail about speakers..But I love you Neilee and Kate..And James..And Jenny...Byes..You need to email me james...i like reading stuff bye

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:: 2003 2 November :: 7.46 pm
:: Mood: Blah

yeah. this weekend i hung out with amanda and her boyfriend and James and June...We had a ice fight in the car and a barbacue sauce fight. It was fun.. we seen Scary movie 3 it was pretty funny.. but it dumb. Yeah...Well how was everyone elses weekend?

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