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:: 2005 13 February :: 8.03 pm

why did i have such high expectations for this year? i thought sophomore year would be the BEST. i was finally an upperclassman and things would get BETTER. only now i reliezed this has been the WORST year ever, and things got WORSE. i dont know where my life is going or what im doing half the time. im lost in a tunnel of confusion not knowing where to go out or where i came in. just mingling around with no clue and no ambition to figure it all out. because i never will. everyone has that point in life when things have been a big blur forever but then they get it. everything straightens out and your life is in order. its hard for me to watch so many go through that wondering when it will happen, if it ever does happen, to me.

1 *time been annoyed* | *annoy me here*

:: 2005 13 February :: 7.59 pm

damnit, i miss you. i miss hanging out with you all the time and being so close to you. whenever i hear ppl say they hung out with you or they are going to your house, i get so jelous. i saw a few pictures someone took of me and you last year. for some reason you still can take my breath away. all these stupid ppl you just met this year think your such an awesome guy. but they have no idea what your really like. no one has any idea how bad you use ppl or how hard you can make someone laugh and cry at the same time. maybe it's becasue you only act that way towards me. im the only one who knows how we are and i hate that. no one knows about anything we have been through.


im glad i can say im free of your shit. but in the back of my head, i still miss it. im also glad i can say im deff. over you, its just i hate that were not even half as close to being as good of friends as we were.

*annoy me here*

:: 2004 21 November :: 8.06 pm

omg i met this relly cute guy a little over a week ago. hes nice, cute, has a great voice, and ive been talking to him almost everyday since i started talking to him. its crazy how much u can like a person that uve never even talked to in person b4. i saw him at states wen both our bands were going to the bathroom, but we didnt talk. i cant believe i was soo close to him, but didnt even get to say "hi". the day wen i get my license will be great. cuz im going to drive and see him. either that or he can come here. im only 5 days older than him, which is kinda cool. everyday we find sumthing new and interesting to talk about. i never know what will come up. and i like that.
thats all. i jst needed to get that out

*annoy me here*

:: 2004 28 September :: 8.33 pm

alrite. i admit it. i miss him. mayb too much.
i miss everything about him. even the incredibly annoying things.
i miss his smile.
the conversasions we had.
debates that lead nowhere except a good laugh.
being in his arms.
jst sitting next to him not even saying anything.
watching him fall asleep.
his laugh.
even when he was angry about some1.
i miss knowing everything about him.
being the only one who acually knew everything.

but now it has all changed. its been over a month. i still cant handle it. i took for granted what i had, thats why i lost him again. i guess i jst figured he would never break up with me. now wenever i see him i want to cry. i want to run up to him, give him a huge hug, and cry. forever.
i still remember how it felt in his arms. like nothing was rong in life. and evrything wud forever be perfect. i thought he cared. that he would never hurt me again.

if i learned anything, it is to believe what ive always thought. never trust any1. even the ppl who you trust the most eventually shove it back in your face. why?? i wish i knew.

i keep thinking back to the first day i noticed him. i looked at him and something inside me KNEW without one ounce of doubt, that i wud fall in love with him. i didnt relly pay much attention to him, jst knew deep inside. kinda sucks wen the first person you relly truely love is the type of person who cant hold on. he'll grab on to you and drag you along, only to drop you at the worst possible moment. and make you feel like shit.

i dont want to feel like this for him anymore. hes not worth it. but i cant let go.

nor can i tell any1 that i still havent.

*annoy me here*

:: 2004 20 September :: 3.15 pm

something inside me is constantly asking... why do you care. hes an asshole and was a complete jerk to you. in my conscience mind i dont love him anymore and i dont want him in my life. but somewhere deep inside me i love him with all my heart, and i just wish it would go back to the way it was before. before i knew the real him. it makes me mad to admit to this. because even though i dont want it this way i truely believe there isnt any way in this world i could MAKE myself feel differently. sure i make fun of him, say how much i hate him, dont care if he gets hurt. but hiden behind that constantly is some1 who wants him to be back in my arms and to know everything is perfect and is working out. everyday i try to get away from this. i cant seem to. nothing works. wen i see his smile each and everyday all i wish is that he wasnt so stupid. i care for sum reason enough to want to know EXACTLY what he did everyday.
theres no getting around this. i have to find a way to cope.

*annoy me here*

:: 2004 15 September :: 10.35 pm

yay this is cool!

adopt your own virtual pet!

*annoy me here*

:: 2004 15 September :: 10.20 pm

This year is so different. When I walked to each of my classes on that early morning in August, I had a feeling that this year would be the best. Everything was going right, I was happy, and things started off the right way. Band camp was awesome but very tireding, which is expected though.
Somewhere between the last day of band camp and the present, something happened. My life flipped around and everything went crazy. Hurricanes began racing through Florida, homework turned into a massive hassle that took lots of time and effort, my grades not as good as they could have been, a school lacking spirit and all the things that make you feel great to be a red knight, and most of all, band. It was supposed to be the best season yet, and it started that way. With hurricanes and people who dont care at all, we are failing. Failing to be the best we can. Thats all there is to it.
With a year starting off this way, I feel there is no hope. My happiness has gone out the window. But something tells me I have to go get it. No more waiting around. Just always working the hardest no matter what.
I really hope things get better soon. But for now...
Why waste today thinking about tommorow?

*annoy me here*

:: 2004 15 September :: 3.36 pm

heylo. im here. even tho nobody reads this. i think im gona start using this as a place to put things i dont want five million ppl reading...
wow..i figured out how to get pictures! heres one from band camp:

*annoy me here*

:: 2004 11 September :: 10.07 pm

i got livejournal today.. im still gona use woohu tho. cuz its the best and ill always love it!! hehe.

*annoy me here*

:: 2004 11 September :: 12.24 pm

by the way.. seniors won the spirit stick at the pep rally. wat a surprise!

and i have a weeks worth of hw to do b/c of the hurricane.. and i had to take home alot of textbooks. which made me mad. they wanted to make sure we had our textbooks just incase sumthing happened to our schools, or rain got in our lockerss. ill be able to judge how much rain got in wen we get bac cuz unfortunatley i fergot my penguin picture in my locker!!! ***goes to cry***

thats all

*annoy me here*

:: 2004 11 September :: 12.16 pm

football game--
football team- was doin pretty good. better than last yr. was ahead for awhile, but ended up losing 26-18.
band- eh.. in the stands was ok. not as fun and exciting as last yr. i tryed to get every1 hyped up, but it wasnt workin that well. then halftime came. dunbar wasnt too good at all, but ours didnt do anything to show them up. a standstill of the opener, war chant, and 1 other song (it was so bad i dont remember wat it was..?) doesnt relly get any1 too hyped up. plus every1 was confused. half the ppl didnt play. and half the ppl that did play were playin soft. oh well. i still think it wud have been better if we marched. even if the freshies have never done it be4.


ps. i have a feelin that sum1 is going to come to their senses soon. and i cant wait to laugh in their faces.

*annoy me here*

:: 2004 10 September :: 2.43 pm

4 days
since i last updated this. thats a long time for me. ive had ALOT of hw. ALOT of band. and ALOT of fluting... hw is the only bad thing.
2day was the first pep rally... okay i guess. not as good as last yr tho. mr d. was the best. mrs lunger talked alot, and it was too short with too many rules. oh well.
tonite is the first football game of the season. playin dunbar.. we dont get to march our show on the field cuz we didnt get to go to the field last nite at practice which relly sucks ass. i was looking foward to marching.. now we are jst gona run on the field to the after the six slow steps str8 foward, play the show, play sum standstunes including fight song which is the only standstune i DONT know, then go bac to the stands. im gona try to make the best of it tho.
i got grades today-
Spanish- 87
AP World History- 91
English Honors II- 100
Geometry H- sum kinda high B
Wind Ensemble- 100. that was a toughie...
SAT/ACT Prep- 77. only 3 grades which i got a 60 on one and 88's on the other two
Chemistry H- 98.

im mad about the SAT grade. everything else is good. i jst have to talk to my spanish teacher about that 87... i think i shud have an A.


*annoy me here*

:: 2004 6 September :: 9.09 pm

Art is significant in my life, people are scum but I have the capicity to deal with it. Give it a few more years and I will either forget about art or hate the world.

I am pretty addicted, but there is hope. I think I'm just well connected to the internet and technology, but it's really a start of a drug-like addiction. I must act now! Unplug this computer!

I may think I am an asshole or a bitch, but the truth is I am a good person at heart. Yeah sure, I can have a mean streak in me, but most of the people I meet like me.

I, my friend, have class. I am so not white trash. . I am more than likely Democrat, and my place is neat, and there is a good chance I may never drink wine from a box.

*annoy me here*

:: 2004 6 September :: 8.33 pm

i have to admit---- John Patrick Amedori is sooo HOTT! if you dont know who that is... your lame. j/k. hes the guy who plays the younger ashton in the butterfly effect! not the little kid but like the teenager. omg.. hes hot. hes gona be in sum new movies comin up-
Little Athens
Mrs. Harris
The Good Humor Man
and "Rocky Point" a new TV show on WB

i cant wait to see all of them. he was also in-
The Butterfly Effect
Almost Famous

neway. skool tommorow. which also means 2 vocab tests. fun stuff.
we went to carrabas (sp?) for dinner tonite. very good. my first time there and i thought it was better than i expected. we had to wait 40 minutes to get a table, but the food came fast once we sat down.

well im gona go do sumthing else. mayb look at sum more pictures of john. later

*annoy me here*

:: 2004 5 September :: 5.35 pm

still waitin out the hurricane. so i figured i wud tell u wat i did yesterday...

1)my mom and taylor went to a tanning salon, while first me, other taylor, and allie waited in the car then we went to juice lucys and got fries.
2)went to lee nails in the mall and got our eyebrows waxed which made my face relly red.
3) pac sun b4 i got my pedicure so i cud have flip flops.
4) got my first pedicure which was INCREDIBLE! he massaged my feet and legs and i got my toes a french manicure.
5) walked around mall. went to pac sun 3 times. bought me and taylor matching outfits... black flip flops, white belt, green shirt, scarf, hat, bracelet, ring. and we alrdy had matching pants. we wore it to hooters later on and every guy in there was lookin at us.
6) came home. was gona go to movies, but then we cudnt cuz it was too windy.

2day.. weve done nothing. i bought 3 movies from hollywood video, and exchanged the other two that didnt work.
then publix, got sum stuff. now im home. no dinner, and im starving. im gona have to go bug them to get sumthing.

*annoy me here*

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