Blurring And Stirring The Truth And The Lies


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I Won't Be Broken Again

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:: 2005 2 April :: 9.39 pm
:: Mood: hopeful
:: Music: No Doubt

Yeah, thats the thing.. right there... the red one?

For a long time I was in love
Not only in love, I was obsessed
With a friendship that no one else could touch
It didnít work out, Iím covered in shells

And all I wanted was the simple things
A simple kind of life
And all I needed was a simple man
So I could be a wife

Iím so ashamed, Iíve been so mean
I donít know how it got to this point
I always was the one with all the love
You came along, Iím hunting you down

Like a sick domestic abuser looking for a fight
And all I wanted was the simple things
A simple kind of life

If we met tomorrow for the very first time
Would it start all over again?
Would I try to make you mine?

I always thought Iíd be a mom
Sometimes I wish for a mistake
The longer that I wait the more selfish that I get
You seem like youíd be a good dad

Now all those simple things are simply too complicated for my life
Howíd I get so faithful to my freedom?
A selfish kind of life
When all I ever wanted was the simple things
A simple kind of life

1 I can't keep going under | I've got to breathe

:: 2005 12 March :: 9.58 pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: .. Amy Lee singing Sex Type Thing

So I was all like, boner, and she was all like, uh-duh, then I was all like, why you gotta be like that, and she was all like, I can see your freezer, and then I was all like, yeah? Well, I can see your pants, and she was all like, uh-huh, I just got them at K-Mart, and I was all like, they're nice, and she was all like, thank you, and I then shot that bitch.

I've got to breathe

:: 2005 19 February :: 10.10 am
:: Mood: blank
:: Music: !

I completely forgot I had this journal... I feel like such a ho' because I ditched it for lj... Gawd I suck..... I'll try to update more..

I've got to breathe

:: 2004 3 July :: 5.02 pm

Okay, I realize I havent updated in a while, but I no none ever reas this journal anyway... so I'm not going to update all that often anymore...

I've got to breathe

:: 2004 24 May :: 9.32 pm
:: Mood: chipper

My parents dont want me near them.. they no like me... my mom wont even take a few minutes out of her busy schedule to help me with my video... whatever...

I've got to breathe

:: 2004 22 May :: 5.57 pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: Broken- Seether

No one ever reads my journal.. so why I do this.. I dunno... but I know I'll comment to make myself feel the love...
1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and how did we meet?
4. How have I affected you?
5. What do you think of me?
6. What's the fondest memory you have of me?
7. How long do you think we will be friends?
8. Do you love me?
9. Do you have a crush on me?
10. Would you kiss me?
11. Would you hug me?
12. Physically, what stands out?
13. Emotionally, what stands out?
14. Do you wish I was cooler?
15. On a scale of 1-10, how hot am I?
16. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it.
17. Am I loveable?
18. How long have you known me?
19. Describe me in one word.
20. What was your first impression?
21. Do you still think that way about me now?
22. What do you think my weakness is?
23. Do you think I'll get married?
24. What makes me happy?
25. What makes me sad?
26. What reminds you of me?
27. If you could give me anything what would it be?
29. How well do you know me?
29. When's the last time you saw me?
30. Ever wanted to tell me something but couldn't?
31. Do you think I could kill someone?

1 I can't keep going under | I've got to breathe

:: 2004 22 May :: 1.21 pm

You're an Etch-a-Sketch!! You're the creative,
artsy type who doesn't need to actually utilize
a single muscle group in order to have fun.
Doesn't matter though, you're still cool.

What childhood toy from the 80s are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

I've got to breathe

:: 2004 19 May :: 11.56 pm
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: Dont Tell Me- Avril Lavigne

I've had a bad week. I dont want to talk about it because no I just dont. I'm talking to Brandi right now and I just left a really long comment in Kelly's journal.. I hate commenting... but I like reading comments.. I wish I had friends that I could confide in and then they would comment.. But alas.. none of them know and I hate myself for it.

I really really hate who I am, but whats more.. I hate my 'no-longer-sister' for blaming me.

I'm not talking to her ever again.

Unless I have to.

To me she is a stranger. She doesnt understand people. At all, ever.

She is sooooo ignorant and mean to all her friends and she wonders why none of them ever call.

She doesnt deserve the friends she has.

I'm done bitching about her now, because I am not her and I'm not going to sit here and bitch and whine about things that I brought upon myself.

But okay...

Today in Algebra mah teacher (we'll call her Mrs. YellowMarker) was all like "Becca, are you okay? You seem... less happy" or something to that effect... and I was all "Mrs. YellowMarker... I'm never happy," then she was all like "Yeah you are..." and I was all like -rolls eyes and walks away debating weater or not to tell her that I wear fake enthusiasm well, then decided not to when the bell rang-

So yeah, Mrs. YellowMarker was all concerned. I'm touched...

Tomorrow I have to read my short story on the Titanic to the class.. its like 11 pages long... so yeah.. I'm gonna go to bed now.. and stuff... no.


2 I can't keep going under | I've got to breathe

:: 2004 16 May :: 7.36 pm
:: Mood: bitter
:: Music: O_o

I really didnt notice
That I was so bitter when it came to my friends... or actually my old friends in a way... but yeah.. I am truly happy for them that they know who they are and have new friends... but I'm also really bitter because I have no idea who I am and only like 2 friends that I talk to on a regular basis... and none that call/hang out with me... at all. I havent left the house with a friend since I went to Hot Topic with brandi like a week after her birthday. Its gay. I hate it. And I hate myself for being so bitter and outsid-y... I really hate this really bad and stuff.. but yeah.. I'm gonna go now.. and play a game or something..

I've got to breathe

:: 2004 10 May :: 11.00 pm
:: Mood: Distant
:: Music: ..

My friends
I miss my friends.. I aint gona bitch or anything.. but its like none of them wanna be around me anymore... I basically have to beat a conversation out of the ones I do get to talk to and even then its only for about 5 minutes and 4.9 of that they're ignoring me...

Am I a bad friend or something?
Did I do something to piss them off?
I'm not really that different from last year...
Maybe its them thats changed...
I miss them and I wish I had someone to talk to but I dont because even Brandi doesnt call anymore and everytime I do call her she cant talk.. doesnt talk.. or isnt home.

I miss the security of having someone I can confide in.

I dont even know myself anymore because how much I have changed without changing...

I just... wish I still had Kelly, Brandi, Amanda, Shayna, and Melissa.

I really dont have anyone anymore.

I really really miss last year...

Its not that I wont go out of the house... its that I have no reason, if someone were to call I would hang with them in a second...

but that maybe why I have no one... because maybe I'm the type of friend that is only a friend when you need her.

I can settle for that I guess, wait what am I saying? I have to settle for that..

I really hate walking up to my friends and listening to them talk because I have no idea... and then if and when I do talk they have no idea.. so its like a really big "huh?" fest and I end up standing by Trisha and Nikki.

I just really wish we hadn't drifted so far apart.

Last year I would do anything for my friends... anything. And I still would.. but they dont come to me anymore when they need something because I'm never around. I thought that I would be the only one standing.. but I guess I was the first to fall when the second semester started.

I hate it that we all fell apart... hate it... thinking about last year and now this year.. I bawl my eyes out just because I'm thinking about what I lost. What I never got to say because I was way to insecure.

I just.. wish it was all over.

I'm out,


I've got to breathe

:: 2004 9 May :: 5.31 pm
:: Mood: dorky

Are you secretly in love with your best friend?
by chelle_belle
Your username
Your best friend
AnswerYes, and its not secret >_<
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

I've got to breathe

:: 2004 9 May :: 5.15 pm
:: Mood: apathetic

I was just watching Never Been Kissed... and kids in high school is really really mean... It isnt like that at my high skool... or maybe it is.. I really dont notice anything that goes around... but kids can be so cruel... yeah.. I'm out.

I've got to breathe

:: 2004 7 May :: 11.49 am

80s jokes
* What do Sears and Michael Jackson have in common? Little boy's pants on sale....
* Q: Why didn't Natalie Wood take showers? A: She preferred to wash up on the beach.
* What do Sears and Michael Jackson have in common? Little boys' pants half off.
* Why is a Yugo called a Yugo? Because you go, and it don't!
* What is the difference between woman and a battery? A battery has a positive side to it.
* Q: What do you call a Yugo that breaks down after 100 miles? A: An overachiever.
* What did Princess Grace have that Natalie Wood could have used? A good stroke.
* why does the chicken cross the road? to get away from Alice Cooper
* Why is Michael Jackson like the Dodgers' infield? They all wear one glove for no apparent reason.
* Q: What is red and sits in a corner? A: A baby eating razor blades. Q: What is green and sits in a corner? A: The same baby, a little later.
* Hear about the new band featuring Ronald Regan and Milli Vanilli? They don't remember any of the songs they didn't sing.
* Q: What is small, red, and can't go in elevators? A: A dead baby with a javelin through its head.
* What do you get when you cross a marijuana plant with an opium plant? About ten years to life.
* what does NASA stand for? Need Another Seven Astronauts
* How can you stop a Yugo with just one finger? Push in the cigarette lighter.
* How many letters are in the alphabet? 22, cuz E.T. went home and somebody shot J.R.
* Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was stapled to the punk rockers lip."
* What do you call a Yugo built for two? A two-go
* Why does a Yugo have a rear defroster? To keep your hands warm when you're pushing it.
* What is Ronald Reagan's favorite pick-up line at a bar? "Do I come here often?"
* What kind of wood doesn't float? Natalie Wood
* If Milli Vanilli fell in the woods, does someone else make a sound?
* What do you call a Yugo at the top of a hill?
A miracle
* How do you double the value of a Yugo?
Fill the Tank

I've got to breathe

:: 2004 7 May :: 11.33 am
:: Mood: amused

Dog... dog fish
The Carpathia sent rockets to announce its soon arrival at the scene of the horrible wreckage around 3:30 in the morning. It first comes across Lifeboat 2, one that was only filled with a few people. Finally the Carpathia has picked up the last lifeboat, Lifeboat 12, my lifeboat. About the same time the Californian appears, hours too late to save anyone. The Carpathia sets out for New York with an estimated amount of 705 survivors, Megan Anders, Bruce Ismay, and the 5 members of the Louis family with their very cold father.
On April 18 the Carpathia arrived in New York, after that the U.S. senate began investigating under the committee leadership of Senator William Smith. In the April of 1913 the International Ice Patrol is formed to prevent further disasters such as the Titanic.
In the mid to late 1980s Dr. Robert Ballard and his crew discovered the wreck, underneath two miles of the dark ominous ocean. Dr. Ballard did nothing but take pictures of the Titanic, and also hopes that no other expedition will ever try to do so.

I guess I was right in thinking that the Titanic was nothing more nothing less than a death ship that did ultimately more than ruin my life; it ended it.

I've got to breathe

:: 2004 6 May :: 3.35 pm

Your Homocidal Rampage! by crash_and_burn
Your name:
Weapon of Choice:AOL Trial CDs
Your Favorite Target:Women
Your Kill Count:319,842,677
Your Battle Cry:"I enjoy cheese."
Years You Spend in Jail:34
How Much Money In Damages You Cause:$114,834,212,599,939
Your Homocidal Insanity Level:: 87%
Created with the ORIGINAL MemeGen!

hee hee

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