squish322
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::
2008 22 November :: 6.09pm
:: Mood: bored
anything goin on tonight? i'm sooooo bored
[x]
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skife
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2008 22 November :: 5.29am
i hate being woken up early.
i hate being woken up early because someone NEEDS me to talk to them.
i hate being woken up early because someone NEEDS me to talk to them so the don't fall asleep behind the wheel
i hate being woken up early because someone NEEDS me to talk to them so they don't fall asleep behind the wheel because they are driving drunk
i hate being woken up early because someone NEEDS meto talk to them so they don't fall asleep behind the wheel because they are driving drunk and they don't wannt a ride.
UGHHH $%(!#$()&!#$&(*
2 for meg |
[x]
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cjessicapyne
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::
2008 21 November :: 11.00pm
:: Mood: disappointed
:: Music: Rihanna - Rehab.
Baby, baby, when we first met, I never felt something so strong. You were like my lover and my best friend all wrapped into one, with a ribbon on it.
I have a ton of things I need to write, but I'm working on dealing with these things I need to type first.
It's easy to set a goal and look up at it, completely ignoring all of the hurdles and obstacles in between. In fact, I've made a habit of it. Because if I let on to myself in any way, I'd never get anywhere.
Not that I've even been moving forward lately.
Just backwards and sometimes, around in circles.
And I'll never give myself to another the way I gave it to you.
Don't even recognize the ways you hurt me, do you?
It's gonna take a miracle to bring me back.
And you're the one to blame.
Is it bad when you finally convince someone to divuldge all of the rotten things they've ever said about you, and you're left expecting worse? Because that's where I'm at.
Like, spot on.
I over-analyze to begin with but now I'm just overboard.
I'm looking at things from angles that shouldn't even exist.
Tilting my head in ways it shouldn't even go.
I'm hearing words and trying to translate them into languages that have long since died.
I try to hold my hands up and say, "no, I don't know what my problem is."
But I do.
Me. I'm my problem.
And these things in my head. Thoughts? Yeah, those. They're a big issue too.
I've lost track of my 'off' button and am left with 'self-destruct.'
But I worry not! I have plenty of people willing to detonate that sucker for me.
3 for meg |
[x]
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spud
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::
2008 21 November :: 2.39am
And i still won it.
6 for meg |
[x]
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skife
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::
2008 20 November :: 11.10pm
....at least my female problems don't involve bleeding.
[x]
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skife
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2008 20 November :: 4.15am
I played to much rockband and i now have aqualung by jethro tull stuck in my head.
3 for meg |
[x]
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losrnancr
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2008 19 November :: 12.15pm
im moving
where?
two weeks away.
two weeks away, where is that?
it's everywhere i will be after i walk for two weeks i have lived in the same place for a long time. it is time for me to go someplace else.
no you have only lived next door for 15 years
16
56, what's the difference? i want you to stay next door forever
i do not want to wake up in the same old bed and eat breakfast in the same old kitchen. every room in my house is the same old room 'cause i have been there too long.
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acidtears
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::
2008 18 November :: 2.43pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: "No matter what" By: T.I.
Great song.
Yeah, I say still i stand
Ay, shawty here i am
hey
(Verse 1)
Never have you seen in ya lifetime
A more divine southern rapper with a swag like mine
Facin all kinda time but smile like I'm fine
Brag with such passion and shine without tryin
Believe me, pains a small thing to a giant
I was born without a dime
Out the gutter I climbed
spoke my mind and didn't stutter one time
Ali said "even the greatest gotta suffer sometimes"
So I huff and puff rhymes
Lyrics so sick wit it
Set the standard in Atlanta how to get get get it
So you up and coming rappers wanna diss, just kill it
I'm officially the realest...point, blank, period
Whether I still live in the hood or just visit
Whatever you can do in the hood I done did it
That's why the dope boys and the misfits feel it
This still his city long as TIP living, listen
(Hook)
I ain't dead (nah) I ain't done(nah)
I ain't scared(of what?), I ain't run(from Who?)
But still I stand (yeah)
No matter what pimpin here I am(Yeah)
No matter What
Remember I ain't break(never), I ain't fold(never)
They hate me more(so?)
Yeah I know(Ha, Ha)
Here I go(Yeah)
No matter what shawty, here I go
No matter what shawty
(Verse 2)
Let the blog sites and the magazines tell it
I'm sure to be in jail till 2027
Rather see me in the cell then
Instead of this new McLaren
God will take you through hell, just to get you to heaven
So even tho it's heavy, the load I will carry
Grin and still bear it, win and still share it
Apologies to the fans, I hope you can understand it
Life can change ya direction, even when you ain't planned it
All you can do it handle it, worst thing you can do is panic
Use it to your advantage, avoid insanity manage
To conquer, every obstacle, make impossible possible
Even when winning illogical, losing still far from optional
And, Yea they wanna see you shot up in the hospital
But, when life throw punches, block and counter like a boxer do
Been locked inside mi casa too long, I did a song
To make it known that the king lives on pimpin
(Hook)
I ain't dead (nah) I ain't done(nah)
I ain't scared(of what?), I ain't run(from Who?)
But still I stand (yeah)
No matter what pimpin here I am(Yeah)
No matter What
Remember I ain't break(never), I ain't fold(never)
They hate me more(so?)
Yeah I know(Ha, Ha)
Here I go(Yeah)
No matter what shawty, here I go
No matter what shawty
(Verse 3)
Even in solitude, there's still no hotter dude
I show you how to do, what you do, you ain't gotta clue
All you do is follow dudes
Sound like a lotta dudes
I'll weather whatever storm
Make it out without a bruise
I understand why, ya'll when my hands tied
They take shots, cause if I'm out there it's a landslide
But revenge is best served as a cold dish
And suckas will get served nigga no shit
Guess it was understood, for me it was over with
But I don't quit, if you ain't noticed yet
They couldn't wait to say goodnight shawty
So they can try to rhyme, act and look like shwaty
Go get a beat from Toomp, and make a hook like shawty
Before ya know it I'm back what it look like shawty
I lost my partner and my daughter in the same year
Somehow I rise above my problems and remain here
Yeah, and I hope the picture painted clear
If your heart filled with faith then you can't fear
Wonder how I face years and I'm still chillin
Easy, let go and let GOD deal with it (Ay!!)
(Hook)
I ain't dead (nah) I ain't done(nah)
I ain't scared(of what?), I ain't run(from Who?)
But still I stand (yeah)
No matter what pimpin here I am(Yeah)
No matter What
Remember I ain't break(never), I ain't fold(never)
They hate me more(so?)
Yeah I know(Ha, Ha)
Here I go(Yeah)
No matter what shawty, here I go
No matter what shawty
[x]
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spud
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::
2008 18 November :: 3.55am
so, i saw the first cut of the summer film today. well, it's already been through several revisions. but this was the first public screening.
i will say, some things turned out really well. some did not. i'm glad to see that it came together okay, at least. i would have been pissed if it sucked, and surprised if it was out of this world. i still think some of the big problems with the story are in the script itself, and are therefore beyond fixing at this point. i also think that cleaning up the audio will do wonders. and that is going to be a formidable task. i'm just wondering if my class next semester is going to have to do all that. it would be interesting. then i'd have my hands on it during two phases of the process, instead of just one. that would be weird.
other than that, just business as usual. falling steadily farther behind in all of the important classes, with the one class that i'm doing best in the only class i'm actually making headway on.
it'll all come together in the end. i just hope the collision isn't too catastrophic for me to keep it together.
and in the meantime, just keep plugging away at it, little by little. but i am also running out of time, which means a step up in pace is in order.
[x]
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rayray
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::
2008 17 November :: 10.33pm
It's pathetic how I find myself defending why I love my boyfriend after 3 years, to people who know me better than a lot of people.
And they tell me that I'm not happy.
But truth be told, I am the happiest I've ever been.
In high school, I was a train wreck.
I was always depressed, crying over never-meant-to-be relationships, drama ate at me like I was a thanksgiving turkey, and I was stressed out the moment I stepped foot into my house.
I was constantly being told what to do.
And I hated every moment of the life I lived outside of my friends.
I may not hang out with my friends as much as I used too, and those relationships may have grown awkard over the past 3 years.
But I truly am happy.
I finally have someone I love that I can come home to everyday, and wake up to every morning.
It may not be the best of relationships, but I am happy.
After this long, I shouldn't have people who I feel I can trust, telling me that I should have a baby, but not until I get a different boyfriend.
I haven't felt that hurt in awhile.
Many of you feel the same way, but don't judge until you know the whole story.
I shouldn't have to defend my life to others.
1 for meg |
[x]
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skife
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::
2008 17 November :: 2.44am
I hope they don't kill opie.
He's one of my favorite characters
7 for meg |
[x]
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phil-himself
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::
2008 17 November :: 2.32am
I don't know what to believe anymore.
Tired from over thinking, numb from over feeling.
When you try to move on and things get thrown back at you.
This whole event seems like mutually assured destruction.
[x]
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acidtears
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::
2008 16 November :: 9.46pm
:: Mood: numb
:: Music: "Alright" by: Pilot Speed.
And tonight I lack the strength to even move.
The information given to me last night about Adam and Aubri hurt then, but now it's starting to sink in more. I do have the friends that are telling me not to worry, because he doesn't even like her. No, he has no obligation to me what-so-ever. It's not necessarily him I'm mad at. It's Aubri. We've been "BFF's" since about 6 years ago, and she goes behind my back and fools around with the guy she knows I like. That's a shitty move right there. I would never do something like that to a person I was friends with. I think last night Adam could tell I knew. When I walked past him, he opened is mouth as if to say something to me, and almost reached out and grabbed my arm. I would scoot passed him like he wasn't even there. I would scan the crowded room and pretend I didn't see his face looking at me. I would talk amongst friends like he couldn't hear me. Not talking about him of course. But, just made it seem like "I'm busy, so, don't talk to me". I was relieved when he left finally. I felt like I could finally breathe, and maybe...feel how I really felt. I put on my happy face in front of him and everyone else, but really, it was a lie. I was not happy. I was confused, hurt, betrayed, stabbed in the back, furious, and strangely I was also numb. It was an act. Oh yes, those laughs, smiles, and shy looks were for you. Tried to be like nothing ever happened. Like I said, I'm not really mad at Adam, he has no strings to me. In fact, I don't think he even knew I liked him when it happened. But he does now. I'm upset with Aubri. And she's trying to say that if I want her to stop talking to him, she will. HaHa. What am I?... His girlfriend? No. Yeah, because that's not creepy and something a psycho jealous girl would do. I told her she could talk to him if she wants, I don't give a shit. I'm not going to try to control her actions. I don't want to control her actions. I just wish she wasn't so easy. Chase says I should talk to Adam, but, I have no idea what I would say. "Hey, what's up? Yeah, I like you, do you like me back?". HA! No. A part of me feels like I shouldn't even feel this way about the situation. Oh well. Can't help it.
The rest of the night at Chase's house was pretty good though. It was just me and Kayliegh in the house, until she went to bed. I got online and talked to my good friend Eric. Talked for a couple hours and then I hear a knock on the door. I went out and answered it and it was Brendon. YAY! My male friend that I can vent to, and he actually listens. So we just talked to his friends online, watched funny youtube stuff, watched SuperBad, ate, smoked, and talked the rest of the night. Until my tired ass passed the hell out.
So right now, there's beautiful snow on the roofs of homes and cars. That was the highlight of that night. The snow. It made me feel like something new and better could be starting. And right now, I will put on my mask of contentment, because let's face it, I have family to take care of. And I don't need them wondering what's wrong.
I'm done rambling now. Thanks for reading to those that did.
-Samm d'Massacre.
5 for meg |
[x]
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acidtears
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::
2008 16 November :: 3.40pm
:: Music: "I will love you" by: Fisher
music heals
Til my body is dust
til my soul is no more
I will love you, love you
Til the sun starts to cry
and the moon turns to rust
I will love you, love you
But I need to know
will you stay for all time
forever and a day
Then I'll give my heart
'til the end of all time
forever and a day
And I need to know
will you stay for all time
forever and a day
Then I'll give my heart
'til the end of all time
forever and a day
'Til the storms fill my eyes
and we touch the last time
I will love you, love you
I will love you, love you....
I will love you, love you, love you...
[x]
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phil-himself
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::
2008 16 November :: 1.11pm
Mudvayne - Pushing Through This
Salt the wound
Cut through a conscience I've failed to explore
The calm before the storm
Speak your peace and prepare for the fall
Words have been chosen
Tainting the gift
Lying truth's so increditable
So fuck you all
I'm turning my back on this killing so small
Step by step I'm pushing through this
(All of you get away from me)
Eye for an eye I'm pushing through this
My law
Step by step I'm pushing through this
(All of you get away from me)
Tooth for a tooth I'm pushing through this
Through you
3 for meg |
[x]
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skife
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::
2008 16 November :: 1.39am
my brother thinks that i'm an alcoholic for taking a minicooler with 3 beers in it, in the bathroom for my bath.
4 for meg |
[x]
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phil-himself
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2008 16 November :: 12.39am
Drastic steps
[x]
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skife
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2008 15 November :: 1.36pm
why do i do this to myself?
[x]
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rayray
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2008 14 November :: 10.44pm
finally broke down and went to the doctors wednesday.
sinus AND respiratory tract infection.
lucky me.
1 for meg |
[x]
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acidtears
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::
2008 14 November :: 3.08pm
:: Mood: contemplative
Ah yes. Teenage Girls Dilemmas.
You haven't called in 2 days. You haven't come over for your usual lunch break hang out. So, I'm only hoping she didn't get inside your head.
Hoping she didn't twist and contort your thoughts on me. She's the kind of girl that lives, breathes, and even ingests drama.
"I can't believe you ditched him! He was hurt and disappointed and upset".....Yes, well, that stung a little bit I have to say. But after I talked to you and you assured me she was blowing smoke out of her ass, I felt a bit better. The burn was gone. I hate it when she says "Well, he didn't say that. But you could tell he was thinking it".
That was last month, but her drama just brings stress and irritability into my world. I don't need anymore of that. My days lately have been waking up early, getting the kids off to school, showering Ava, dressing Ava, getting Ava onto her bus, waking my mom up, getting Ava back off of the bus, watching Ava, cleaning, chores, sometimes I talk to my friends, go to bed, and start the same thing all over again. One reason I loved the movie "Dream Catcher". It brought me a saying for my life. S.S.D.D. Same Shit, Different Day. Love it. Live it.
It seems the only thing that excites me anymore is "Alright" by: Pilot Speed. Yes, sad to say, a song is the thing that excites me most. HaHa.
But, Mom, Doug, and Ava will probably be home soon. I should start on more laundry. Yes, that's me.... House wife in training. HaHa.
-Samm d'Massacre
2 for meg |
[x]
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cjessicapyne
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::
2008 14 November :: 5.23am
:: Mood: chipper
:: Music: Frou Frou - Breathe In.
Hi-ho, hi-ho, back to work I go!
Oh yeah babies, I've rediscovered my drive and inspiration, so here's an old-lady-in-a-grocery-store-handing-out-cheese sample of my new stuffs.
 
* I couldn't decide which fit better.
 
ft. the lovely Court
And new vintage prints of the ever-captivating Cam Capone:
(fullview is better)
I am super "blah" tonight. I think it has a lot to do with washing my hands of my old journal, starting anew, and MAYBE the fact that Casey brought me cigarettes and he remembered I love twix. Maybe.
By the way, I don't mean 'blah' in that I don't want to get out of bed or wash my hair or breathe, I mean it in the sense that anything could happen right now, and I'd be okay with it.
I just wrote Alex a long note that he'll hopefully read in good time, otherwise Mexico (or any other country, really) here I come.
Be on the look out for new work :]
Or just refresh frequently!
I read you, and God I'm good at it. I am so spot-on.
Chord shapes in air. Go press that dissonance.. if you dare.
And you breathing in, finesse an innocent
from her partying.
And I'm high enough from all the waiting
to ride a wave on your inhaling.
And I'm high enough from all the waiting
to ride a wave on your inhaling..
'Cause I love you, no?
Can't help but love, you know.
What part of no don't you understand? I've told you before;
to just get off my case. This isn't happening. Stop this now.
And I - where was I? I have to be somewhere.
Now where did I put it..?
And I'm high enough from all the waiting
to ride a wave on your inhaling.
And I'm high enough from all the waiting
to ride a wave on your inhaling.
'Cause I love you, no?
Can't help but love you, no.
Is this it? No. Is it? ..no. Is this it? yeah. Is it? No, no.
Is this it? Oh. Is this it? No. Is this it? No. Is this it?
Yes.
Hello, we're back and we're taking calls.
Now, what was the question?
Can't help but love you, no...
 
 
Later, loves.
3 for meg |
[x]
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skife
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::
2008 14 November :: 2.57am
thursday night, that means its time for bowling scores again
this week, highest game ever of 211, 182, and 134, it was a 529 series.
fuck yeah!
average last week was 151
[x]
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cjessicapyne
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2008 13 November :: 9.04pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: Epica - Feint.
Obv.
Clearly, this is not my acidtears account. I know.
OMG wtf ar u doin?! ur talking crazy!
Am not. I gave up my old account so my dear friend could write HER spiels, because I feel like they deserve a niche of their own.
Love you all.
Update later.
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skife
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::
2008 13 November :: 2.59am
I figured out the whole issue of "us" tonight.
we're two different people outside of privacy.
It just doesn't work that way.
9 for meg |
[x]
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acidtears
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2008 12 November :: 11.14pm
:: Mood: amused
I HAVE MOVED!
I am now located at my new journal so my bff Samm d'Massacre can blog it up, Cedar style.
Give her a warm welcome, everyone!
Yeah, I'm done. Over and out, my dear.
So drive yourself insane tonight.
It's not that far away, and I
just filled up your tank earlier today.
[edit :: 3:46am]
Yeah I'm back, and I'm stronger than ever.
I love who I love.
I spend my time doing things I enjoy.
I 'waste my gas' driving around the places I like.
I laugh at things I find funny, offensive to you or not.
I hurt your feelings because I'm honest and I don't believe in sugarcoating anything.
Yes, sometimes I antagonize and push. I have my moods. So do you.
But! UNLIKE YOU, I'm carrying out my life in the aftermath of the decisions I made, not anyone else. My morals were chiseled in me from tried-and-learned experiences in my actual life, not handed down to me from my grandparents' bible.
Fuck you for almost making me believe I was less of a person for it.
Does it really matter what kind of vodka I drink - or that I drink at all? No. And yeah, I smoke, so fucking what? At least I can sleep in the bed I've made for myself, wake up every morning and be content with the life that greets me.
My parents don't love me based on what I choose to show them and what I keep hidden away under my bed so's not to 'disappoint.' No, my dad knows about my (gasp!) premarital sex and pregnancies. My mom can come sit on the porch with me and talk about our days over a cigarette. My grandparents have seen every tattoo on my body, and my little sisters aren't surprised at anything I say.
I don't keep secrets and my honest thoughts are the first in my mouth and through my barely-parted lips.
My family and (true) friends love me not because I'm perfect, but because I'm real.
At first I was going to abstain from all social websites, but decided to keep my woohu and facebook. However, MySpace, Trig, ModelMayhem, etc - are all dead and ground into the dust.
So the bitches with the drama can get a new hobby, because I'm perfectly content to manage my life without he-said-she-said.
Thanks.
* ps, I apologize if this lacks my usual prowess with words and prose. I'm better but STILL (a bit) bitter and so am ranting with my fingertips. Who the hell am I kidding? You guys understand ;]
5 for meg |
[x]
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skife
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::
2008 12 November :: 2.51am
I guess this is the time of year for drama.
3 people i know with relationship issues right now.
1 person possibly going to jail.
and a whole slew of other problems.
6 for meg |
[x]
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spud
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::
2008 11 November :: 1.14am
:: Music: Coldplay
ATTENTION!
Yo Internet Peeps:
My radio show is currently up and running. It has been for several weeks.
I'm sick of not having any listeners. The show sucks, because I don't try, because nobody listens, because I didn't advertise very well. Or at all.
So, I will be attempting to change this.
The show is currently: MONDAYS @ 4PM LISTEN HERE!
I'm thinking about doing a couple of themed shows. Maybe one entirely off of youtube, or one entirely of "red hot jazz" (think 1920s).
If you can't listen at that time, I totally understand. Which is why when I reschedule next semester, I will be asking for your input as far as what times on what days are good times to have my show, so I will hopefully have more listeners. Because I want to do something that everyone will enjoy, at a time that is convenient for them.
So, hopefully you can listen at that time for the next couple of months.
More updates will come later.
Peace,
Chris
[x]
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alex
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2008 10 November :: 10.56pm
I did blame others for my faults. I took others above the ones that mattered. I say this with the miniscule thing in my chest that keeps me alive, that i am so sorry. So so sorry......
I gave you my heart, i hope with all of me that it works for you......
I hope someday, maybe just maybe i will be forgiven.
6 for meg |
[x]
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phil-himself
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2008 10 November :: 3.46pm
Lawls my insurance company gave me a PT Loser to drive while my chevy is getting fixed.
This has been a fun afternoon of abusing someone else's car.
[x]
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