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:: 2004 29 December :: 6.36 pm
:: Mood: crushed
:: Music: Country

*Bad Day #21*
another bad day, hell im getting use to this whole worse day thing. Everyday seems to get worse. I am such a bitch...i cant believe i would ever hold grudges or say i hate you or tease someone. life is way to short to do all that. I feel like imma change, for a good way, but i dont know if i wanna, im like all confussed in my head, i wanna be a psycitrist, how the hell can i be one to other people when i cant even find myself out or help myself..? pretty sad, i dont know what im good at, it seems like im good at nothing, *worthless*...i aint interesting in sports or any drama/theater junk...and yeah i dont know what else i would be when i grow up. Maybe just a mom. house wife whatever i dont know... its getting to late, i need to figure myself out soon...

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:: 2004 29 December :: 4.40 pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: ...MetAl...

This Damn Break..
This break sucks so much, i mean everything you could think of happend, well i was pregnant and then i lost the baby, i lost my bestfriend sister like person to me, i made my dad cry, and i made everyones problems come more compax... i hurt everyone i am near, thats why i try and push the ones i have away, cus i dont wanna hurt them, i guess the only friends i really have are tyler bevier, amy felty and eric chunn, i mean the ones that are always there for me. I wish that i could change, i wish that all i could do is help people with the problems, not be the problem, man im really confussed and mad and sad and im like all blah and really i dont know what to do, my friend Eric, i love the kid to death, i mean i do anything and everything for him and he loves me or so he says... i mean we cant even have a raltionship cus i go to another different school, but we do alot of stuff together, and hes at my friend heathers house as we speak, i mean i trust them its just the thought that sticks in my head that they might try something, it hurts so much when i think about it, but its all i can think about, so im friggin screwed...my best friend i cant talk to, at all, just problems, dont ask... it sucks! imma miss her so much, i already do, i mean all she is is here for me, and my lies made all this happen, why is it that everything i do, is a mistake, why cant i do something right for a change...i wish i could figure myself out... i mean suriously im suriously screwed up in the brain, i hurt everyone, im like cold...hearted... or i just lost caring about everyone including myself, when you think about dieing everyday is that selfich or is that psyco or just plain stupid?... it could be all, i mean ahh i should be happy that i lost my baby cus im way to young, but im not, i dont think ive been happy in a long time, i mean i laugh alot, that doesnt mean im happy, the only time im really happy is when im with Eric Grey Chunn. dont ask im a little obsessed, well thats not what i call it, its called love...yeah well im out for today ill update soon, trust me, if you have any ideas... please comment plz. love ya all xox buhbye xox

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