andy
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2009 8 January :: 12.24pm
I'm hoping the new colors will help TC get some more traffic again. The most popular color since I added the option is Blue. No real surprise to me, that's why most of my web sites are blue. At first the original Pink wasn't doing well at all. However, now I'd say that Pink is probably the second most popular color.
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andy
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2009 6 January :: 11.12pm
Andy is looking for a job if anyone knows of any. Preferrably web related, or networking.. Or something. Anyone have any connections?
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godessalthena
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2009 6 January :: 1.51pm
oh man last night was fun.
oh man i want to get a new job.
oh man i really need to find a couch before the party.
ooohhh man i want some salmon sushi..
and some smoked salmon and cream cheese..
oh man that sounds good.
why do i love fish sooo much??
i can't wait to see my frijoles on saturday!
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godessalthena
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2009 6 January :: 4.55am
uggghhhh i just updated and it disconnected my interwebs. grrr..
i just had the best sex ever period.....
i hope i spelt that right.
mmmmmhmmmmmmm soooooo nice my brian is working on "oh mah god idk wtf to be doing because there is too much omg good sex chemicals running around in me" mode ;3
rawwrrr merowwwww meow nyaaaaa
i can't walk. i care barely move..
god i love it.
like those violet crumbles.. mmmmmm...
sus is teh best at pleasing me. period. end of story.
good night.
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godessalthena
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2009 5 January :: 11.28am
ugggghhhh
i feel sick.
it's my mommy's birthday!
and i made her a card, but my creative juices are running on super dry and i think the card is ugly and uninspired.
my kitty hates me.
idk, i'm just really done with today.
but not in the today has been bad and i'm just done.
but in the i really don't feel like doing anything today period.
ugh..
i want to eat lotsa ramen today.
and a pretzel.
or some tater tots from sonic..
:/
food why are you so delicious!?!??
on a side note i have a few new friends. they will always be right there when i need them. hahahahaha...
i can't wait to move back to seattle. this weather sucks. like hXc..
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andy
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2009 3 January :: 11.38pm
I've been working on TC lately. Decided I should try to tap into the traffic that it still gets, so I'm adding additional content and features to the site, and finally giving it a real layout instead of the slapped together one it has always had.
Logo is getting changed, and the tags themselves are getting changed slightly. I really like the new look of both.
Who knows what will come of any of it, but I'm hoping for a fantastic outcome. Hoping to get the new stuff rolling later in the week I guess.
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andy
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2009 3 January :: 10.01pm
I wish old plaster walls that are flaking and covered by a layer of wallpaper, and then a layer of paint.. weren't above my personal skillset. That, other than money, is the reason why the downstairs part of the building has halted.
It seems easy enough, repair the areas of plaster that are falling apart, scrape off the flaking paint, sand down the paint edges, prime with KILZ, and paint. That's my plan anyway. I guess it's just that once you get going it seems like a very large project. Scraping off paint is tedious, and I always end up scraping off A LOT more than I planned on, or probably need to. Meh.
I was down there tonight trying to be productive rather than stupid and wasting my life. Then the project got big. Part of me just wants to scrape off the VERY loose stuff, patch holes, and prime. Leave the paint edges, I think it'd kind of be cool. And hope that the paint doesn't peel off too quickly. heh.
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godessalthena
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2009 3 January :: 9.59am
things are bad.
and i want to fix them.
but i don't understand.
and i'm terrified.
...
i don't want to say it's my fault.
and i don't want to place blame.
because it's everyone's fault and no one's fault at the same time.
i want to fix this.
and i want to succeed at something.
things were so great in the beginning...
and now it's such a mess i don't know what to think.
the worst part is i don't know what's causing it.
and i want to know.
and i want to fix it.
and kill it, so i can be happy.
and he can be happy.
i'm done killing myself.
and i'm done murdering the people i love.
i want to fix this.
i will fix this.
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godessalthena
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2009 2 January :: 3.19pm
i know i'm updating a lot, but there's really nothing else for me to do.
i've been crying a lot lately. and it's all justified crying, there are reasons.. i have all this sad stuck in my throat. and i have nowhere to let it out.
i want it to be spring. i'm so done with all the snow and the bitter cold and the death. i just want to see the sun come out and melt all the pain out of my life. i want to go back to the way it was in seattle before all the bad happened. i want to live my whole life at the same time.. not in this bullshit linear path. i just want to put a tape in of the happy times and play it on repeat so i would never have to see the sad again.
it's beautiful out today. the sun is shining and the snow is melting. and i saw some birds out there too. i just.. i had a really bad time at new years and it was all my fault.
i want to talk about some choices i've made. they aren't life altering in any way.. just little choices that make me sit back and think.. "wtf was I thinking" and "Is that really me?" I feel like i'm a no body now. a non-entity. i'm bland and flavorless...
and i want to talk to someone about it.
but no one will understand.
and no one will be ok with everything i've done.
i've really shut myself into a cage. backed into a corner.. i'm the lemming heading to the cliff. and no one can save me..
and i want to be saved so badly.
i wish every fight wasn't my fault.
i wish for once someone would run after me when i run away.
there is nothing in the world i have ever wanted more than to be worth fighting for..
but.. i'll be ok. i'll learn to live with it. someday it won't be my fault that feelings were hurt. and when i leave crying someone will chase me and ask to wait. and hold me.
and then i can feel happy. and important.
and this is exactly the reason why i'm not romantic anymore. because i know it won't happen. and i know that romantic things don't happen. and i'd rather not disappoint myself anymore with idol thoughts of what love should be like..
who did i get so bitter? jesus.
i'm rambling. and i'm babbling. and i just want to have my brain shut up for five minutes so i can enjoy the little i have. instead of what i don't...
god this is bad.
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godessalthena
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2009 2 January :: 3.07pm
let's review my year.. :
Read more..
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godessalthena
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2009 2 January :: 2.23pm
:: Mood: alone
i want to talk about things.
but no one talks.
i want sus to talk to me about what's been going on.
but i guess i'm ust so stand offish that he won't even look at me.
i feel so alone and bad and wrong and gross.
and i just want to cry it all out..
and i want to talk to someone who will make me feel better.
or just talk to someone.
why does this have to be so hard?
why does it have to be so lonely?
i hate life.
and i hate growing up.
and i hate almost everything right now.
i want to end it.. because at least i won't realize i'm alone when i'm dead..
if only people didn't love me.
god this is hard.
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mochababy49319
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2008 29 December :: 3.02pm
shit
The Nissan now has a new set of tires. It also had an oil change. Clutch is Wednesday, I'm pretty excited about that. I work tomorrow though. 4.5 hours, so it's really nothing to complain about. I get to learn how to open this coming Sunday, which is pretty damn sweet. It means I get my own security code to the store and everything. Our work X-mas party is the 4th and the 16th is Lauren's baby shower. If anyone knows where I can find a blue elephant, let me know.
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mochababy49319
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2008 28 December :: 12.28pm
Our power is out. Went out at 4:30 this morning Brenton said. 10:30 when we woke up and it still wasn't on. What a bitch. It was freezing and I couldn't see what the hell I was doing when putting my makeup on.
Also, the shit nissan is getting tires put on it today finally. yay.
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godessalthena
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2008 27 December :: 10.05pm
brooke will be here soon
i am super excited, but also super nervous..
i hate how i always feel wrong about things.
i honestly think i'm broken.
i went to planned parenthood yesterday to get more stuff..
and the lady was asking me all these things..
about being depressed and whatnot..
...
it really made me notice how bad i've gotten.
and i don't really know what to do anymore.
i've seen drs. i've written my heart out. i paint..
nothing helps..
i'm worried about me..
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