:: 2007 30 October :: 3.33 pm
:: Mood: thoughtful
:: Music: The Kinks

7 :: | 00

:: 2007 14 June :: 11.15 am

Ok, so I know a lot of people said they would send/burn pictures onto a CD for me that they had, but it hasn't happened. So everyone who said they had some pictures for me, please get them to me!

00

:: 2007 20 May :: 7.59 pm

READ THIS.
Ok, so I lost all of my photos. Everything. Prom, graduation, parties, my first trip out of state, artsy shots, hanging out, my first photos with my new camera.. basically every photo in the past two years.

What happened is I deleted my account, because I couldn't remember my password for the life of me. I was asked if I'd like my files moved, so I said yes. Then I was asked if I'd like to delete my account even though my files would be deleted, I then chose no. After I chose that my account was deleted anyway.

I did searches in all drives and found nothing. And yes, I did check the recycle bin and nothing was there either. It's like they were just gone after the account thing.

If anyone has any way of getting something like this back please help me.

Basically I have lost all hope and am sure that everything is gone.

So, I am asking anyone who has any photos from an event I attended, or when friends hung out, Graduation, dances, prom.. please send them to me. Burn them to a CD or something.

Please take the time to help me out. I am completely crushed to have lost all of these photos.

7 :: | 00

:: 2007 17 January :: 11.22 pm

I hate, "I wish..."

:: 2007 12 January :: 1.32 pm

Things are strange. I never knew what it was like to start "growing up" until I moved out. Moved out as in moved to another country. Another country as in Australia. Longer than a 24 hour trip away from where I've lived basically my entire life. I didn't miss my family until I returned to Michigan and I was living at Sammie's. It's like being more than a day away made me know I couldn't see them. And being only 15 minutes away made me realize I had the chance, but I was making no effort. I love my family. They're not the perfect family, but they're still mine. I've been thinking about my dad. He loves me. He'd do anything for me. But, he's stuck with being an alcoholic. He has so many problems. He's anti-social, has depression, he's bi polar, he's an alcoholic, etc. For all of these years I've hated him and now that I am 18 I'm starting to see that people don't do things to do things. They do what they must do and what they are too weak to stop. My dad is weak. And I love him, as a father, and as a person. He's a great guy. He's just fucked up. A little more than most of us. He's done some things that would be unforgivable for most people. But, I forgive him and I understand him. It's sad to know I finally found a piece of my heart and he's slowly killing himself. I accept things though. I used to say I'd be happy when he died. But, now I know I'll cry and be upset. Just as it should be. At least I learned in time.

It's weird to have actually moved out. I wanted it for years. A year ago I would have killed to be more than a day away from my family and now I only wish Australia and Michigan were so much closer. It's an odd feeling. It's not that I want to live at home and never move out and find my own life. I just want to be there when they need it and not have it take a $2,000 plane ticket to be there. I know my mom needs me and knowing I can't be there hurts. It's like we've grown apart, because we're apart. Which, duh, of course. But, I love her, even if she's that crazy lady I'll never understand. She also loves me and would do anything in the world for me. I know this.

Lately I've been feeling out of place. I am different from my past and all anyone sees out of it is me being a stuck up bitch. Well, fine. I'm sorry for doing the inevitable thing that every person eventually (hopefully) does. I'm sorry for not being stuck in life and doing nothing. For not getting out of Cedar Springs. I apologize. A lot of my old friends are going to college, and that's great. You're a step ahead of me even. So when I admit that I think I am better than some people, I don't mean better than everyone. I think it's funny when people say, "You just think you're better than me," or something of the sort. I think it's funny because some of the time I do. And there's nothing wrong with that. When you see a bum do you think that they're better than you? When you see a prisoner do you think they're better than you? No. Unless you're pulling the artistic thought of 'we're all "equal" and no one is better than anyone else.' Yeah. Right. Maybe they made some mistakes and that's why they are in that position. Which doesn't exactly mean they are some terrible, ignorant person. But, you made less mistakes than them so go you. Anyway, I got off track. All I was trying to say is..yes, I am better than some of you. And some of you are better than me. Maybe as a whole or at certain things. Who knows and who cares. And that isn't a question.

For years I pretended to like people. I thought I needed this endless amount of friends. For parties and simply hanging out. But, I don't need any of you. People are replaceable. You'll find those select few who never will be, but for the most part all of those "casual" friends won't make a difference once they are gone. You'll just find more. Well, I'll just find more. When I feel the need.

In a few weeks I'll be going back to Australia. Right now my life seems to be planned out as a going back and forth thing. Which I wouldn't mind so much if traveling was a happy, pleasant experience. But, I've learned once the excitement is over it's nothing but a burden. But, life is full of burdens that just have to be accepted.

When I started this entry I saw it being much better than it was. However, it feels good now that it's over.

:: 2006 11 March :: 11.55 am
:: Music: Elvis Presley

:: 2006 4 March :: 6.44 pm
:: Music: James Blunt - Goodbye My Lover

:: 2006 23 February :: 5.44 pm

Pathetic.
I officially hate our Senior class. Everyone is so immature. No one can simply shut up for two minutes and just listen. No one takes anything seriously. People just don't care. I figured people would want to be in the Yearbook. Especially since it's their Senior year, but obviously they don't. I love how people bitch and moan about not being in it or how it's all the same people every year. Well, if you're not willing to give us a quote or anything you have no reason to be whining. When the only people willing to say something not half retarded are in the class that's who is going to be in the majority of the Yearbook. Don't complain to us when you're the one being an idiot.

Now people are bitching about how Erika and I apparently "rigged" the Mock Elections to win. Riiiight. Because, oh my God..if two whole people that are in the class win an award it means we just decided to add extra votes to our name, even though three other people helped us count them. Hmm.. that sure is strange. And I really want to convince my Senior class that I am funny. Maybe if you took the time to vote, I would have had more competition and one of your popular friends would have won. It's just because you didn't win anything. Get over it.

Ugghhh. You all just bother me so much. I am so glad I am graduating. I hate who you've all become. Sure, I'm not perfect, but at least I have matured somewhat since 8th grade.

I have no idea how you're all going to make it in this world. Honestly.

18 :: | 00

:: 2006 18 February :: 9.09 pm

It's two degrees man and everything is still covered in ice, weak.
I got some wicked pictures of all the trees though. Here's my favorite.. [ I made my mom stop on the side of the road to get it, so I am glad it turned out! ]

Read more..

Anyway, I am so glad the power is back. It was truly miserable. Sammie and I were cracking out man. I'm not even going to get into details. All I have to say about not having power is...LAME.

I've hung out with Sammie for four days now. It's awesome, because she is so much like me that I don't get annoyed with her. She's bahmb dig and we're getting married. But, really...she's my best friend and I wish she could walk with me for Graduation. Too bad she's a sucky sophomore.

I saw Brokeback Mountain today. It was soooo good. I cried for the last ten minutes of the movie. I suggest seeing it, unless you're one of those homophobes that is closed-minded and needs to suck it up and get some balls. Yeah, that's right.

Break has actually been a lot of fun for doing nothing. I don't want it to end.

Well, I need to get going. I've got things to do.
(Like call you)

17 :: | 00

:: 2006 18 February :: 12.28 pm

Sammie is pretty cool and so are you.


(I love being able to call you at any given moment again)

:: 2006 15 February :: 8.08 pm

(I miss you all ready)
I am so happy. I can't get the smile off of my face ever since last night.

This is just what I needed.

:: 2006 11 February :: 11.34 pm

Shake that laffy taffy!
Swirl was fun. I'm glad I went, but my feet are in agonizing pain right now.

"I get fast really ready."
"This sad is so song."

I could not talk today..

[Oh, and pictures from Swirl and Spring Hill are soon to come]

Night ya'll.

9 :: | 00

:: 2006 9 February :: 7.39 pm

Every line makes me cry, 'cause every word was a lie.
There I go again, reading old journal entries.


I don't suggest doing that.

:: 2006 6 February :: 9.18 pm

THE PLAY.
What an awesome night.

The show went great. I am so proud of everyone. You guys are all amazing, seriously. For the amount of time we had to do this and all the stress we all went through.. I just can't believe we pulled it together. But, we did and I am so happy.

Yeah, I messed up a line. I was completely beating myself up over it. But, ya know what? For having a two page monolgoue and only messing up one line, I should be thankful. And when a few other people sort've messed up like I did, I didn't care and it didn't stick out in my mind. It was just normal and ok, so that helped me a lot. Some people said they noticed, but I picked it up so fast that it didn't matter. Others completely didn't notice, so whatever.

After the show a lady came up to me and told me that my scene made her cry and it was one of her favorites. That made me so happy.

Thanks for all the other compliments as well. Whoever showed up to support me/us: thanks. [Thank you Matt and Jake for coming. It's good to see some old friends]

One more night. I hope I don't mess up that line again, haha.

Oh, and H apologized and said that he was very proud of me. So, that helped.

I am good now. And not to sound full of myself in any way, but I am proud of myself, because from the start I didn't think I could do this. I didn't think I could memorize more than a line. I didn't think I could get up in front of all those people being only a few feet away.

But, I did.

3 :: | 00

:: 2006 5 February :: 6.05 pm
:: Music: Cliff Ritchey

:: 2006 5 February :: 3.40 pm
:: Music: Cliff Ritchey

12 :: | 00

:: 2006 1 February :: 3.12 pm

1 :: | 00

:: 2006 31 January :: 5.40 pm
:: Music: Damien Rice

11 :: | 00

:: 2006 27 January :: 7.01 pm

Stacy: Oh my God, my forehead itches like a bitch.
Josh: Oh Christ, my balls itch.

We seriously both said that at the same exact time.
It was fucking scary.

[Hahahahahaahaha]

2 :: | 00

:: 2006 27 January :: 1.41 pm
:: Music: Elliott Smith

3 :: | 00