today
Went to the mall w/ Joe, Will, and Turax. Saw a bunch of ppl. I saw Alex, Rachel, Daniel, Allen (phil's boy), Scott Macone, Josh, Chris, Kelsey, and Amanda...O and my sister Casandra.....

Alex is a freak now (my mom's bosses son that went to school w/ amber). I was like Alex?? He dresses in all black and where crap from Hot Topic....That's where I saw him and his sister rachel...burrr..

I went there w/ nuttin and left w/ nuttin....fun!!!


+AndI+

woo-wee
Sooo went out w/ Ginny, Jon, and Joe..
Jon was pissing me off the whole time.
I drove and he was like we're gonna die, we're gonna die. URGH!
He got action w/ Ginny. Cute.
Freak guy was there, so we left.
We didn't finish our movie.
Got home kinda early.
All good.


+AndI+

aweful day.
I was at church and found out He killed him. He beated him w/ a bat to death and try to burn the body down chiquita. Cops found him. His mom never knew.

I can't believe it. I'm in shock. why would he do that?

I'm crying. I'm akeing. I hate this day. I want this day to go to hell.

+AndI+

tonight
First off Amber decided not to come tonight and I am now happy that she didn't (no offense amber). I was w/ Jon and Ginny. We went to Beatniks. It was alright lil boring. Then Ginny got a call from Nate about a party and there will be drinking so ahh...we went over there. Dude it was all the way in San Carlos. I was WTF? We get to the guys house he's a friggin Wiggar. I was like what?!!! I wanted to beat him up soo bad. His friend Brandon knows Brandon Lamb which he told me stories about him. lol FUN! But Brandon was soo hot. I was like woo. He's 17 he's gonna be a senior at Fort Myers. He was hot.

We get to the house and there was no party. The guys just did that so we can go drinking at the lake. So we pack a bunch of beers and we go to the lake and it starts to rain. I'm like greeeaaat. Well Nate was being an ass so we took them home and went all the way back to CC to pick up Joe and go to the Camelot Park to chill.

When we get there it's 10 pm. Joe and I go off and Ginny and Jon hung out. Well Jon was smoking somthing. I wasn't too down w/ that. So i stayed away when he did that. Joe and I talked and then we made out a lil bit. Then we decided to go to the car and see what Ginny and Jon were doin. They were just talking for the longest time. Then me and joe left them b/c they didn't want us in the car. Hmm...wonder why...lol. Then we walked and talked. Then when it was about to we made out again. When we headed to the car Jon and Ginny get out of teh back seat of teh car w/ foggy windows. Me and joe were like OOOOOO!!! FOOOGGGY! SEEEXXY!!! It was soo funny. lol. So we all raced home and here I am..home.

I'm not sure whats gonna happen w/ Joe and I. I'm just gonna go w/ it u know? Well, Jon likes Ginny which is neato. He and I decided it might be best to remain "friends" w/ Ginny for a lil bit to see if he likes her enough to go out w/ her. Like hang out more. I hope she doesn't mind b/c she confused too.

+AndI+

sigh
I let my heart be trampled repeatedly and i don't do anything about it.
I stare at the monsters who call my name at night have enjoyment taking advantage of me.
I try to make the best of it but it never works out.
They all send me out in the pourin rain, laughing and snikering at me.
I never know what I do wrong.
Once the sun sneaks through the rain and I can finally see everyone is gone.
All who was there left me to die in the cold.
I have no warmth. No one to hang on to.
I'm all alone in this chaos, our reality.
I try and try but its never enough.
Why do I still hang on and long for them?
They treat me no better than an ant would.
They would just walk on by and not notice me.
I just can't take any of it any longer.
If the monsters fight I'll fight back.
I'm tired of being an option.
I want to be a priority.

+AndI+

tonight at the concert
Tonight was the concert I was sooo waiting for. I brought Amber to come w/ me and we had a good plans to have fun w/ the ppl we knew that were there. But long ass story short none of the plan happened. W/ certain ppl leaving and being there and changing their minds (amber) it just didn't become reality. Everyone that I basically knew left me there but seriously I was cool w/ it. I found KK and Arron duluca and we moshed together and danced together to some ska bands and all. Arron is soo neato. I love that kid. If KK wasn't there and Arron i would of been dead. lol.

I saw Alex Ladico and OMG has he changed! He doesn't wear baggy clothes n e more or freaky shit. His hair is brushed and shorter. He looks ok. Ginny thought he was hot. lol. I miss the old one though. He looked younger really and more clean. lol. I don't like it! I like the bad ass Alex. lol. O well. He did change for the better....

+AndI+

Tonight
Well so I guess I need to update this lil journal here. So here I am. Updating it. Fun!!

So ahhh...today went a lil crazy w/ the planning to go to Beatniks and whose coming whose not. It was crazy fo.

So I got there before n e one else and then I saw Kelsey and Amanda and Amber coming to me in the back room. Woo. Then shortly after Jon and Joe showed up. Then Anne showed up w/ Chris and Matt.
I was a lil aggrevated with Anne. But w/e it doesn't matter now.

So I brought the ahh..Friends Trivia game. Yea, we soo did not play it. I knew that was gonna happen. I had to carry it around the whole night. It sucked.

Amber and I got ditched by Anne and that posse, so we hung out w/ Jon and Joe. It was cool though. I think it was best that they left.

Amber and Jon started to talk about business and what Jon is gonna do and shizz. Yea, I had no clue what they were talking about. lol. Joe and I just layed on the couch and were just lost w/ Jon and Amber's convo. At least I was.

Then we couldn't make up our minds like should ww stay should we go? I dunno we left came back and left. so pointless. lol. Amber and I got freaked out by this weird laugh when we were in the back ally. We were like ooo shit! Amber and I grabed hands dude. I swear it was right next to me. We scrambled to open the back door but Amber couldn't do it. I pushed her outta the way and opened it w/ my big muscle (yea right). Joe and Jon were like WTF? We started to laugh and was like out there and pointing and we just couldn't talk. Jon and Joe went out to check out what is was. Our heros!! Hahaha.

so ahh...yea...I'm gonna go. Lata.

+AndI+

screw him...i came to a conclusion
I hate joe. I hate him. He's soo ignorant.

Soo many ppl are being ignorant to me lately. i hate it!

I figured out why i haven't been happy. It really isn't all Alan's fault like i thought. Its b/c i don't feel appreciated or loved anymore. i feel neglected. For instance, I clean my house everyday (no lie) and my family doesn't appreciate it or recongnize it. They just mess it up again and my parents ask me to do everything and don't ask my sisters. My friends even make me feel unappreciated and neglected. I don't feel like we're close n e more. I feel like I'm an outsider. I want friends that don't make me feel like that. I just want more. I'm not content w/ what i have n e more. I'm just not happy.


+AndI+

eh
So ahh..I want new friends. I'm gonna keep the old ones (don't worry). I just want to branch out more b/c yea...so is the water w/ me on this or am i alone? People are soo ignorant these days and it just sets me off,.

Yes amber I am irritated again by the fire. i want you home!!!
Ali if you can read this which I don't think you can, but I want you home too!


I don't like being alone.

+AndI+

Today, in the rain.
It rained today for a while. It was a nice constent rain that had no thunder or lightening.

I opened the garage door and it sent a warm breeze to me and a welcome feeling, so I went out in the rain. I just sat there on my drive way just thinking as the rain came down...It was a nice feeling. I feel like I got washed or something.

Well I know what I should do now...to make me happy. I have to loose the one thing that I love most and then gain another thing that I know will make me very happy someday...

I go on unnoticed.
+AndI+

I'll carry my own tune on this one...
I feel like I can tell you anything.
So I took a risk to get closer, now I have made your heart sting.
Oh, I'm so sure that you'll be leaving in the end.
I've burned you so much more than the sun.

Oh, look now, I'm here without hope again.
After today I'm not sure my secret is safe.
I didn't want to conceal my lie.

Oh, I'm sure your feelings have changed.
You'll move on and I'll be old news.
It's a price that I will pay and it's going to bring me down.

I dug a hole and I dug it well.
It's so deep you can't see the light.
I deserve to be in there and be excluded from your life.

Oh, look now, I'm here without hope again.
After today I'm not sure my secret is safe.
I didn't want to conceal my lie.

We had a special attraction.
so I thought I could tell and you could understand.
But now after I told its done so much action.
I can't bare it any longer.
I've made cuts and I let them bleed.
I'm not sure if they'll be scars.

Oh, look now, I'm here without hope again.
After today I'm not sure my secret is safe.
I didn't want to conceal my lie.

Just let me be your friend again.
I wish I could take away my decesion from the past.
I'll do anything just tell me where to begin.
I love you and I care for you.
I just didn't want to conceal my lie.


+AndI+

Tonight
So ahhh..tonight Amber, Ali, Ginny, and Nick, and I (of course me!) went to the Neato place that Ginny and I found thanks to map quest. Yea we all had a blast.

I wont mention where this place is or what it is. Its just neato...

Well we got hungry so Ginny and I went to Juicy Lucy's to get foos for everyone b/c we can eat at this Neato place. Well Ginny spilt a drink. Woo! Then the guy messed up our order like millions of times, so I ahh..got pissed. I mean I'm on my period so this isn't goin down w/ me at all. We were there for like 30 minutes trying to get our damn food.


Well we get back to the neato place and ahh...eat. We had like 2 napkins for all 5 of us..great! It was funny though. Amber was trying to throw ice in ali's shirt. hahaha...nick almost made it in!

Then after a while we left the Neato place. then we took Ali home. That was just fun and fast! LOL. There is such a thing as slow and too slow if u ask me. But its all good Ginny. Your just use to ur mom yelling at u w/ ur speed, but don't worry we wont yell at u unless ur goin too slow like tonight. U just have to break that habit but be careful b/c u have to make u sure u don't speed w/ ur mama. You know?


Ok well I'm gonna go now. Amber is leaving day after tomorrow! How sad!?

I had a blast tonight...


+AndI+

Havin a laugh
My annual Freaking out Casey:

missladydrummer: hey you
missladydrummer: :-*
Atomic1988: heyy
missladydrummer: how u doin big boy/
Atomic1988: =\ ok....
missladydrummer: thats nice....real nice.
missladydrummer: what are u wearing?
Atomic1988: u been smokin shit and not callin me over?
Atomic1988: lol
missladydrummer: i can bring it over and a lil more baby
Atomic1988: nice ok bring it
missladydrummer: and i'll ah bring a lil more less something over too if u get my drift sexy
Atomic1988: ok cmon
missladydrummer: hows work? working those sexy arms?
missladydrummer: u havent been callin me..i wann ahear ur voice.
Atomic1988: ok now its just getting fucking weird hearing u talk like this stop
missladydrummer: but i don't wanna.
missladydrummer: i want you
Atomic1988: then come over and prove it
missladydrummer: do u want to know what i am wearing?
missladydrummer: or not wearing?
missladydrummer: Oh My!
missladydrummer: casey darling?
Atomic1988: ?
missladydrummer: do u like grapes?
Atomic1988: yah sure
missladydrummer: they are sex fruit
missladydrummer: i'll feed ur sexy mouth some.
missladydrummer: ur can grab onto it real rough and pull hard
missladydrummer: sexy..
missladydrummer: baby?
missladydrummer: muffin?
Atomic1988: dude quit
missladydrummer: u don't want me?
Atomic1988 signed off at 11:31:13 PM.


+AndI+