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:: 2022 25 May :: 10.21am

Another school shooting. A crazy racist shoots up a grocery store.

Women forced to carry their unwanted pregnancies to term because some people believe that's what their god wants to happen.

I believe there are things worth protecting in my life, in the place where I live. I went to a protest on May 14th and shouted "our bodies, our choice" over and over until my throat was raw and my words rang senseless in my ears, becoming sounds without meaning. Over 1,000 of us circled the capitol building in downtown Raleigh, waving homemade signs and shaking the rain off our umbrellas. I wore rain boots with my good pearls.

I'm going to online orientation meetings about volunteering with Planned Parenthood. Yes, I'm angry, and I am not going to take this lying down. I'm channeling my rage into action, and if you care at all about what's happening, you should be too.

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:: 2022 12 May :: 11.04pm

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:: 2022 5 May :: 10.03pm


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:: 2022 24 April :: 9.07am

major life changes I'm not ready for are my least favorite

but respecting myself is more important to me than being loved, shy of 7 years I had to let you go.

I love you, the feelings don't just disappear. being sons you make me feel like I used to, but at the same time everything we have gone through leaves a disgusting bitter taste in my mouth.

I believe in you. all I have ever wanted is to see you succeed and take the life you deserve. but I started enabling the bad habits with no recourse. no one is innocent in the situation.

not how I wanted to spend my birthday, 4/20, or our anniversary. and soon you'll be back in the tricities and I won't have the option of just driving down and seeing you.

why do things have to come to this every time..? four long term relationships crashing and burning. each one gets worse and worse. every time I come back stronger, but a piece of my heart also rots away.

I'm just ready for something to be easy

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:: 2022 7 April :: 9.12am

I'm drowning in overwhelming sorrow

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:: 2022 3 April :: 5.59pm

I got the job. I'll be earning 19k more and working remotely. It might be lonely but I feel like it will give me better work/life balance. Plus I get to work with Lu again <3 She's da best.

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:: 2022 15 March :: 4.32pm

...like light made liquid or
like wind made solid...

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:: 2022 14 March :: 10.18pm

So I can A. Stay with you and assure one of my dreams of marriage will never come true or B. Leave you and have a chance both, some, or none of my dreams come true.

I can't like... beg you to love me. And you'll stick around and get exactly what you want and I'll still be here wanting more which you don't care about.

Why have I allowed you to alter my non-negotiables? You did so simply by ignoring it so long it made it seem like it wasn't important. But it is. And it is still a non-negotiable.

I think... I could find a partner who would want to marry me. I think that could happen. Even if I'm not at 100%, even if I'm not making the biggest effort. So why should I continue to wait another 10 years? Everytime I see something about commitment, it's always, "if he hasn't done it yet, he's not going to." That's ringing true.

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:: 2022 12 March :: 8.42am

listening to a mix tape my sister made her (now-ex) boyfriend but never gave him. it's literally my favorite ever. the songs flow so perfectly, each one is beautiful and meaningful.

I've never made anything so wonderful. I often wonder if maybe I really am a waste of paint.. I don't make beautiful things, I am not thoughtful, I am a selfish Lil worm.

but somehow I still have so many absolutely remarkable people in my life, who genuinely love me for who I am, even at my most crazy, even when I make the same mistakes over and over again.

i saw a friend I hadn't seen in over two years, we went to Frank's and had mimosas, smoked a bowl in the parking lot, and finished with a cigarette. we laughed the whole time, and we have so much in common. I've really missed seeing her, and after I felt this bliss and joy I hadnt felt in a long time.

I've lost myself a little, and I'm having a hard time getting back up to the path, if there was ever a path in the first place...

not sure where I'm even going anymore.

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:: 2022 17 February :: 2.03pm

I know your MOTHA thinks that I'm nice, but she doesn't want you dating a Protestant

I know your MOTHA thinks I'm as cute as a koala, but half as intelligent

I saw your BROTHA down at the servo buying a carton of Camels

I saw your BROTHA getting a sticky with his mates, I think he's a pooftah

- Variations on "Like China" by Phil Collins

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