friends | profile | guestbook

i'm lost without the thought of you

recent entries | past entries

:: 2004 6 June :: 11.36 am

and I say 'get a fucking life, man' to my dad. haha. He's such a fucking moron sometimes it's hilarious.

When someone is talking on the phone you don't stand there saying 'WHO IS IT?' and then get pissed off when they don't tell you because they're TALKING ON THE PHONE.

Damn I can't wait to move out.

2 little.girls | [swoon]

:: 2004 5 June :: 11.13 pm

Oh, and I always meet the most amazing women in my dreams. Always.


:: 2004 5 June :: 11.08 pm

met a cute girl tonight. It kind of seemed like she was flirting with me a little bit but I'm probably wrong. I enjoyed the attention nonetheless because she was the one who I had my eye on at the birthday party.

I'll never see her or talk to her again unless she decides she wants me and comes to my church since I think she was eavesdropping during that conversation I was having with Tom. heh.

But it was just nice to see that there are other girls out there. Even though I knew nothing about her and maybe she's a big slut or a pothead.

1 little.girl | [swoon]

:: 2004 5 June :: 2.18 pm

everything blows over in the end. this summer will be filled with parties and meeting beautiful girls.

1 little.girl | [swoon]

:: 2004 4 June :: 8.14 pm

No, this is unacceptable.

1 little.girl | [swoon]

:: 2004 4 June :: 3.41 pm

Day two keeps ticking by. The longer you wait to call the more pissed I'm becoming. I would have thought you all of people would know how much this waiting around would annoy me.

If I don't get a call today.. then I don't care what your response is.. I'll be saying 'uhm.. actually.. you know. I don't think this is a good idea anymore.'


:: 2004 4 June :: 12.10 am

This saving up my money and moving out of state thing just keeps sounding better and better.

It's mainly whenever I read all of the local journals on Woohu that I start getting super pissed off.

She's supposed to call tomorrow I think. Though it was never official, all I ever heard was she'd call 'later'. Not looking forward to that. I hope all goes well though and she says 'blah blah I don't like you like that. blah blah. we're cool as friends. blah blah.' And then we'll go on and never talk to each other just like before that was supposedly so perfect.

But it'd suck if she was willing to give things a whirl because I wouldn't be able to back out now.. and then what if it lasted for like 6 months? Then I guess I just keep saving up my money and get ready to move as soon as she breaks up with me.. heh.

1 little.girl | [swoon]

:: 2004 3 June :: 5.23 pm

I get really itchy when it's summer. I don't like sitting here because I know that to the kids it's summer.. and it's time to go do stuff and hang out with friends. But here I still sit alone in my room thinking about what else I could be doing and how nobody ever thinks about calling me.

I don't think I'm supposed to have a girlfriend or wife. It's just not my personality. I wish she'd just call me so we could get this over with.. It's not like she's going to think about it and be like 'yeah.. I've completely changed my feelings for you over night. Let's do it' ..

I need to move. Fast. I need to be around a city I don't know. A city full of strangers to force out this feeling of need. In a city where you know no one, it's harder to long to hang out with people.. Because the only people you know are over 1,300 miles away.

In other words, I messed up again.

What a shock.

1 little.girl | [swoon]

:: 2002 21 December :: 5.52 pm

i had one of those grim looks on society last night
it just kept hammering itself
and then what i found at 2am
reinforced that to no end
i have no faith.


:: 2002 17 December :: 5.29 pm

i feel so extremely alive.
i keep feeling empty
and full of sadness
and just like crap

i feel so alive.


:: 2002 15 December :: 10.40 pm

five more days
i'll finally get relief
..for 14 days.
every day
school taunts me
shoves it in my face that i'm failing everything
that the girl i like doesn't like me
because i approached it all wrong
but it doesn't even matter
it just adds to it all

i just..
need so bad to get out of all this
to have something really good happen
give me a reason to try again

i hate you.
i'm crying.
damn it.


:: 2002 11 December :: 3.40 pm

so attempts at being like everyone else
fails miserably.
it leaves me so lost
so utterly confused.
and once again
i feel as if i can't do anything
that nothing will ever change

and the thing is.
it never will

2 little.girls | [swoon]

:: 2002 10 December :: 11.49 pm

"I could feel like a really new person tomorrow.. if I get my haircut.. get new clothes.. wash my car.. apply for a job..."


:: 2002 10 December :: 11.29 pm

it's getting near to haircut time.
i need to figure out what to do.
it's getting too long
but i look like a little kid when i cut it


:: 2002 10 December :: 10.58 pm

it just frustrates me so bad
that i can see who a person is
who they can be
who they want to be
and yet somehow..
they can never see it themselves.

i lost my thoughts.
i'm really sad.
and lonely.
but i feel myself again.

[swoon] | Random Journal