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:: 2011 18 February :: 9.42 am
:: Mood: good

Pieces of Muffin
There are pieces of muffin in my coffee this morning.

There is something that I have come to realize after reading my past posts from high school.
#1: I was immature.
#2: I was boy crazy.
#3: I was selfish.
I wish someone would have been up front and honest with me about my actions. Even though I pulled good grades all throughout high school, you can definitely tell I did not care about such things. This really surprises me because I did really well in high school. If I weren't actually trying my hardest, think of how well I COULD have done.

Looking at my life right now, I know that if I tried to take on one more thing, I probably wouldn't be able to function correctly. I know my limits for what I can take on and still get accomplished. It seems like in high school, I didn't even try those limits. If I weren't so concerned about boys and what other people thought of me, I might have actually had more friends.

Four years later, I can tell I am very different from the person I was at Cedar Springs High School. My mentor thinks I have no confidence now, he should have seen me back then. I personally think that I have come a long way out of my shell. Boys aren't that important to me anymore because I know that it is my choice to have a boyfriend or not. It is not up to those silly boys and whether they like me. It is up to me what I want from life and what I will get out of life.

If I weren't so focused on other things, I might still be friends with more than two people from high school. I feel like I am that girl you run into from high school that you know, but you remember not really liking all that much.

There are some things that you must do but there are many more that you choose to do. I am not going to use the excuse that I am too busy anymore. I am going to make time to see everyone before I move out of the country. If I don't stop to smell the roses once in a while, I might only get pricked riding by.

Leave a Red Hair

:: 2011 17 February :: 11.18 am
:: Mood: cheerful

Current Situations
I have realized lately that time is creepy by me. I haven't really been able to sit down and reflect on what I want and where I see myself going. Yesterday, I had a wonderful conversation with my professor/acedemic advisor Quincy. Quincy is sitting on the LEETA board with my mentor at my internship. Tedi and Quince chatted briefly about me. I was told that the things said weren't all that great. It was exchanged that I could be moody and have a negative outlook. Also that I have potential but I don't realize it because I am not confident enough. This has been stewing in my mind since yesterday and I have come to realize that these things are completely true. I have been so caught up in school, my 2 jobs, and my internship that I haven't had time to just vent to anyone. Therefore, my venting has been put on the shoulders of my internship mentors. I think in order to change this and become the person that I want to be and the positive person that I thought I always was, I am going to need to take time to myself. I am not superwomen and I do need help sometimes. It has been a long and winding road for me to realize this. I think it partly had to do with the conversation I have had with my Dad as well. We have become so much closer since we have been able to be honest with each other. I have been so stressed and focused on so many other things, that I have been coming off as indifferent and uncaring. I know this will never allow me to excel and be the leader I want to be. I am going to start thinking more about my goals and how to achieve them in the short time I have before my graduation. Only 2 more months to go!

Leave a Red Hair

:: 2007 22 October :: 2.14 pm
:: Mood: crushed

Failure In Love
Okay, so i thought i would up-date since it's been a while. which is what i always end up saying. I dated this guy for a little over 2 months. he never wanted to be official. he always wanted to make sure it would work out. I am always attracted to the inexperienced ones who in the end decide that im not worth thier time. I hate that. I just want a cute guy who i can trust, eventually. not so good in the trusting anyone department. boys are just out to break my heart. i have never been in love and part of me wants to but the other part just wants to protect myself so that i could never get hurt. so far im doing a good job of protecting myself cause i have never cried over any of the guys i had relationships with. never! I cried about rob only b/c i felt so bad for what i had done to him...but other than that....nothing. Some how it's always my fault. i always say something that makes the guy think about whether or not he really wants to be with me. I am hopeless.

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:: 2007 6 May :: 10.47 am
:: Mood: annoyed

I am still worried about getting a date to prom. I might just ask a random guy...Sam has a date now so i HAVE to get one. Although, everyone keeps telling me that I'm being too picky. Why wouldn't I be picky? I want my senior prom to be wonderful.


Leave a Red Hair

:: 2007 18 April :: 9.04 pm
:: Mood: tired

So, we broke up. Like 3 weeks ago. He said our relationship didn't go the way he thought it would and he lost the connection he felt at the beginning. I kind of understand but it still hurt alot. I can't believe I am still not over it but i'm not. Age doesn't really matter when it comes to feelings. Well, prom is in a little more than a month. I am currently looking for a date. Since I no longer have a boyfriend, I actually have to look for a date. I want to be voted onto the prom court but I know that i'm not that popular. Why would everyone vote for me?

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:: 2007 28 February :: 8.55 pm

I would just like to let anyone who cares, know that I am now in a relationship...kind of. We don't act any differant than when we were just friends except we kissed. If that say you're in a relationship than the world has lost it. Anyway, I'm not sure if it's going to last. I don't think high school relationships last anyway but maybe this one will be different. Probably not. I am going to college next year and he will still be a junior in high school. Anyway, thanks. I miss you guys. Have a wonderful day/night. Hopefully we have a snow day tomorrow...fingers crossed.

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:: 2007 31 January :: 4.35 pm
:: Mood: confused

Hey everyone. Haven't posted anything in a while. The only reason I decided to update is because someone left me a comment. I get so many of those...not, Anyway, I am going to swirl with a sophomore. I have to drive because he is only 15. I know...I look kind of desparate. If I was desparate I wouldn't go out with a sophomore. I actually think Ryan is a really nice kid, and he is pretty good looking. My mom said he looks too young. Oh, well. I am excited! Hopefully his mom doesn't think I am bad. I guess I would wonder too. I think I'm starting to have doubts. Oh, man...

Leave a Red Hair

:: 2006 29 November :: 6.49 pm
:: Mood: amused

Some people seriously annoy the crap out of me. Oh, well. I guess you just have to live with it. Not everyone can be nice all of the time. It's not really their fault anyway. I always feel bad for people who have to pick on others just to feel the satisfaction of thinking they are better than someone else.
Don't you hate it when the only guys who ask you out are the ones that you don't like as boyfriends?
I have had 4 different guys ask me out so far. #One just wanted some booty. #Two asked me out before but is just a good friend. #Three is my little brother's friend who thinks I like him, just because I smile at him!!! And #Four is a really good friend, and that's it.
I am a teachers assistant at the middle school this trimester. Whenever my class(8th) does anything stupid I think of how immature I was at that age. I also think of some people who haven't really changed all that much.

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:: 2006 10 November :: 12.44 pm

So, How are things with everyone? The puppies are so cute! It is their 1 month birthday today.
I seriously dislike people right now.

Leave a Red Hair

:: 2006 6 November :: 8.07 pm
:: Mood: annoyed

Some people are so touchy!
When certain individuals make fun of people all during there lunch...they have some serious issues.

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:: 2006 22 October :: 11.29 am

Homecoming was interesting...that's for sure...

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:: 2006 18 October :: 7.01 pm
:: Mood: cheerful
:: Music: Rent

Homecoming Confusion
So, I am going to Zach with Homecoming. Rob is pretty much an ass for even saying anything to me. Well, with that out...umm...I was asked to the Homecoming by 3 different people. Zach wasn't one of them either. One was to Greenville's homecoming which I didn't want to go to. Two was from a junior in my stats class, and three was from Sam Gould. I was going to go with her if I didn't have a date but now she is going to go with Zach and I. I have also decided that Nick is a jerk and if he didn't want to go to homecoming with me (or call me when I gave him my #) then fine! I don't need him.

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:: 2006 9 October :: 4.48 pm

My tennis partner is not good...

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:: 2006 29 September :: 3.30 pm
:: Mood: crushed

I am so mad at Zach!!! He came home and didn't tell me or call me. What a jerk!! Obviously he doesn't want to talk to me or hang out with me...because he would have a least called me...

Now I am gong to the game with Middleville.

Leave a Red Hair

:: 2006 16 September :: 11.38 am

I might be going to homecoming with Zach!!!

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