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:: 2005 5 January :: 11.24am
:: Mood: groggy
:: Music: the alhapbet song

a b c d e f g ....

yesterday was LAME. woke up did nothing. was sooo bored. i watched the movie S.W.A.T. it was good. then i jus did shit on the computer. i even made a fucking myspace, thats how bored i was!!! (im not gunna use it tho..i think myspace is lame). but yeah then ate dinner and sam came over. we walked to publix and then to dairy queen and said hi to brian. went home and did absolutely nothing. no one culd hang out. gahhh. so we were on the phone with these two guys steve and adam for most of the time. oooh and i heard jeremy shrieking "I SWEAR TO GOD IT IS" outside of my house. lol. yeah sam left around 11 and i watched fresh prince of bel-air then slept until now (11:30) and now im bored...AGAIN. fuck.

camila comes home either late tonight or early thursday. and i cant even hang out with her..which sucks..cuz my mom was all like "janelle, i took off work on thrusday so we can go shopping and have a mother-daughter day"....woop woop (notice the sarcasm). grrr w/e.


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:: 2005 3 January :: 8.34pm
:: Mood: complacent
:: Music: amazed by: lonestar

its almost more than i can take...


woke up at like 1. got ready and suzi and carlos came over for dinner. i went and hung out with justin a. for awhile. came home and ate dinner. then i cleaned my room and SAM came over!!! we chilled in my room and justin came over again. we continued to chill in my clean room haha. then jd and nicole came over. it was fun. then jd and nicole left and eventually came back but it was still fun. justin left at like midnight and sam slept over.


woke up. spent like forever trying to find sumthing to do. after spazzing and dancing a little, we decided to go to the mall. got there and there was literally no one there. i bought glasses. they're pink and cute. hehe. we drank "sophisticated coke" hahah. then we ran into brian kanutsen (sp?) and erin and bailey. then we saw....(drumroll please)..DAN NEWMAN...waht a fag. he was dressed up like a ninja? wtf. yeah. then we met up with jay. hung out with him. saw allie, scott, and steven. ran into allison like 20 times lol. then we talked to the pretzel man who is in Protagonist for like 15 minutes. he was nice =] then sams mom piked us up and dropped us off at shadowood. didnt really have money to see a movie so we went to borders...said hi to chris and i stole more ryan cabrera pictures.-gosh, the things i do for my man! haha- then bought candy and my daddy piked us up and took her home. now im bored. sorta. its kinda nice not doing anything for a change. ive been pretty busy lately. but yeah. jeremys party is friday now instead of tomrrow. so if u wanna hang out tomorrow...tell me!! <33


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:: 2005 3 January :: 8.31pm
:: Mood: creative
:: Music: rumors by lindsay lohan (skank)

im tired of people lying..

2004 survey
1.What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before? a hell of a lotta stuff
2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year? neither?
3. Did anyone close to you give birth? nope
4. Did anyone close to you die? no
5. What countries did you visit? the united states?
6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004? a bloomingdales boyfriend and an A in APUSH
7. What date from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory and why? december 12, the day i met ryan cabera <33
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? making national honor society"?
9. What was your biggest failure? my luck in the boy department
10. Did you suffer illness or injury? jd broke my ankle and i had a cold a few times lol
11. What was the best thing you bought? ryan cabrera cd
12. Whose behavior merited celebration? not mine thats for sure
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed? mine and the decks
14. Where did most of your money go? clothes and stupid stuff...oooh and shoes!
15. What did you really, really, really get excited about? JINGLEBALL
16. What song will always remind you of 2004? "Ohio is for lovers" by hawthorne heights
17. Compared to this time last year are you:
Happier? actually...no
Thinner? doubt it.
Richer? no
18. What do you wish you'd done more of? i dunno
19. What do you wish you'd done less of? feel sorry for myself
20. How will you be spending christmas? spent it being bored
21. How will you be spending new years? spent it at scotts and with nicole <3
22. Did you fall in love in 2004? i dunno..sorta (not counting ryan)
23. How many one-night stands? 2 or 3..lol
24. What was your favorite TV program? fresh prince of bel-air
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year? yep
26. What was the best book you read? Catcher in the Rye
27. What was your biggest musical discovery? RYAN CABRERA
28. What did you want and you got? to meet my love (ryan)
29. What did you want and not get? a car
30. What was your favorite film of this year? the grudge i guess
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old did you turn? 16, went to chuck e. cheese with my girls! lmao
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying? if i had a good/nice/loyal bllomingdales man
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004?...different. lol
34. What kept you sane? ryan cabrera lol
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most? ryan cabrera...duh!!!
36. What political issue stirred you the most? the fucking election
37. Who did you miss? i missed my friends from olympic
38. Who was the best new person you met? haha prolly sam
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004. -if it didnt work out the first time, it isnt gunna get better the second time around.
40. Quote or Song Lyric that sums up your year: "lost and the found how i live for that day, some call me crazy for thinking this way, my life seems so empty its rained for awhile, but your eyes still glow and i love your smile. -RC"

best _____ of the year:
1. party: camilas quince
2. show: fresh prince of bel air
3. cd: ryan cabrera: take it all away
4. movie: i dont really care...
5. song: all of ryan cabreras and many more
6. experience: becoming more "daring" lol i dunno
7. concert: JINGLEBALL
8. book: dont know
9. month: december
10. day: saturday dec. 12

worst ____ of the year:
1. party: scotts bday
2. show: the OC
3. cd: nelly"suit"
4. movie: school of rock
5. song: lots of stupid rap ones lol
6. experience: the car accident
7. concert: none.
8. book: "Portrait of a Lady"
9. month: november
10. day: sunday/monday

hopes for 2005:
1. predict something that you think will happen in 2005?: ill once again almost go insane due to the massive amounts of daily hw from my 3 AP classes and i will completely lose my mind when those exams come in may..
2. what do you hope changes about your country?: that everyone stops being so fucking stupid
3. what do you hope for yourself?: to get all A's, do helluva lot better on the SATs and get into a super good college
4. what do you hope for your family?: that we stay as close as we already are?
5. what do you hope for your friends?: that the ones i got/love stay the same and the decks-that the realize how gay thye are being and everything goes bak to normal

During 2004:
1. where were you when it began?: my room
2. did you stay up?: yeah till like 12:30 lol
3. what was your new year wish?: prolly to get a boyfriend lol
4. have any crushes?: yeah lots
5. care to mention names?: sure. luciano, andrew, PIERCING BOY, others that i cant mention..
6. new friends?: yeahh
9. hard to say goodbye?: to old friends and olympic yes
10. missed anyone?: yes tons of ppl
11. win anything?: not that i know of
12. best place you went to?: wisconsin
13. worst place you went to?: i only went to one place, WI.
14. happiest moment?: when i met ryan cabrera
15. how was your birthday?: it wasnt bad
16. best present?: meeting ryan cabrera

--wow..like 67.8% of my answers were about ryan cabrera...i think i need to seek help for my obsession. lol


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:: 2005 3 January :: 7.57pm
:: Mood: pissed off
:: Music: green day

its only me and i walk alone..

omfg. im so pissed. i got a 1080 on my SATs. that sucks so fucking bad.


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:: 2005 1 January :: 8.36pm
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: movie

la la la la..

omfg. winter break is def. lame. im so fricking bored. cant wait till sam and camila come home.

im watching a movie with my daddy right now. its really weird. its about sum gay guys, LSD, and kidnapping. hmm....weird.

i want him to call me and explain himself. im still reallllly mad and i feel he owes me and apology/explanation. whatever.

gosh, i really need a bloomingdales man...

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:: 2005 1 January :: 7.16pm
:: Mood: full
:: Music: blind sight by RC<3

its crazy how, some things never work out...

today was lame with a capital L. woke up around 1 and was lazy. went on the computer talked to camila on the phone. then changed clothes and went outside with allie. we met up wit scott and we walked thru the forest and stuff taking pictures. it was fun/lame. went to wendys and drank water. we established the fact that i practically "HATE" everyone. lol. ran into niki and nicole so scott went home and so did allie. me niki and nicole went to nikis house and listened to music, read an article in a magazine about the different parts of the vagina and then walked camilas dog. haha. yeah now iim home and boredd. grr. it so doesnt feel like saturday.


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:: 2005 1 January :: 12.47am
:: Mood: tired/madd(grr)
:: Music: good charlotte

are you ashamed of the life you're living?

new years eve is boring. today i went to the mall with jeremy, nick, kristin, maggie, and gustavo. it was fun. then got a ride home from manny and he took us to the fireworks store and i almost got in trouble for getting home late. then i ate dinner with the family..gahh annoying. then i was soo bored cuz everyone already had plans so i jus walked outta the house and called jeremy and he told me to go to scotts cuz thats where everyone was chilling. nicole calls so her mom takes us there. hung out with everyone...anthony, eric, scott, lauren, luci, gustavo, jeremy, nick, and sum other kid. me and nicole talked about stuff cough cough. haha then maria amanda and their friends showed up. they saw someone before they came over and yeah. i heard sum shit. so im pissed at that. then it got boring so me and nicole decided to walk home even tho both our parents told us we werent allowed to. whatever. so we took the long way and i thought i saw my dad driving by so i jumped a fence and fell in the dirt and hid on the ground/behind a tree....and it turned out that it wasnt even my dad!! ahh. so me and nicole got to my house and watched the new years thing on mtv. ahhh ryan cabrera is a sexy mama! <33. then we celebrated new years together!! haha. walked outside and danny threw fireworks at us then she got piked up and now im here. bored. and pissed.

-god. how can u say something to someone and make them feel like the top of ur world and then turn around and do the same to another? ...i know we've talked about this before and i know how you feel about the both of us...but it still hurts. and u promised me you would tell me when you were gunna hang out with her. and u didnt even call to say happy new years. whatever.

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:: 2004 31 December :: 7.30pm
:: Mood: bored

Happy New Year!

2005. <33

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:: 2004 30 December :: 5.33pm
:: Mood: maddd tired
:: Music: dive in by CCR

everythings spinning, its like im not living...

today, i was homeless--

--or at least felt like i was. allie called me at like 11ish and we hung out. we jus started walking and randomly walked around publix once then we wandered over to boca winds. when we finalllly got there, we sat on the steps at town hall and literally fell asleep there. lol. what bums! then we decided to walk more but didnt wanna go home yet so we walked deeper into boca winds. then allie had to pee reallllly bad so we stopped at one of the community pools but the gate was locked. so sum kind sir unlocked it for us!! then we had to pee in the boys bathroom since the girls was locked? then we tried to leave and the fucking gate was locked. so we jus sat on the ground and started cracking up. so the kind sir got outta the pool and unlocked the gate for us. <3 then we kept walking and ended up near jeremys neighborhood. we were gunna walk home but literally we couldnt feel (or see) our legs! LMAO. so i had an idea......we can take the bus from the stop right there to the one in front of loggers run middle school....it wuld cut at least 30 mins from our walk home. all good except one problem: we need $1.20 for the bus fare. so i called up jeremy and he, being the saint that he is, told us to come right on over...got there and they gave us money =] and we chilled with him and nick in the garage. jeremy was singing "On the Way Down" and nick kept falling out of a wheelchair. then katie came over and then tyler (tall dude) and sum other dude came over. then me and allie left to catch the bus. bus came and we boarded it and got to pull the "Stop Requested" thing and we got off, and walked to allies. omg we ate food and it never tasted so heavenly in my life....i hadnt eaten/drank anything since last night at dinner. then we watched tv, nicole called me and i went to go see her haircut. then she helped me walk camilas dog. then i went home. now im gunna eat pizza for dinner and then go chill with alina and steph. <33 gosh i havent seen them in forever!! so yeah. being homeless is funny. haha


Honorary Hero #1= MAN (kind sir)
Honorary Hero #2= Jeremy and Nick
Honorary Hero #3= Big Fat Black Bus Driver

^^(thank u too all the above for helping me and allie in our time of need....hahahahaha)

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:: 2004 30 December :: 5.32pm

yesterday jus chilled with nicole and walked around and ate at wendys. she attcked me cuz i wuldnt tell her. then we made plans with gustavo, chris, and max and stuff and yeah it was fun/interesting. now im bored and madddd tired. i swear to god im like a walking zombie....sleep..


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:: 2004 28 December :: 9.58pm
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: fallout boy

cuz i never say no to you...

today was fun. woke up, got ready and my dad took me and my brohter and his friend to boomers. met up with krisitn when i got there and we stood in line for like 4998423 hrs. in line we saw this fat 6 year-old girl/tranny thing's crotch!! and she had no underwear on. it was dreadful!! we almost cried!! haha got in played the game kristin is addicted to and rode the merry-go-round (well at least i did). hung out with jonathon, britton, john and sum kid then gustavo and jeremy came. saw justin t. and yeah it was mostly jus me kristin and gustavo hanging out. haha we ran into chris. he was with his sister and brother. awww his lil bro was sooo cute i wanted to pinch his lil cheeks!. lol sorry. anyways we got free food lol and jus hung out/played games. i saw jay playing DDR for like 4390843 hours. i also ran into josh (from the mall) and he remembered me and gave me a hug,..gosh hes cute. <33. he was with his "rocker" cousin from georgia and thought me and her wuld get along...um no. but yeah. oh yeah i also saw bryan again!! haha. me and kristin kept getting like stalked by these dorky/weird guys. it was funny. her and gustavo kept making me go outside w/ them and sit and it was sooo freaking cold..

me: omg, im so cold i cant even feel my legs. kristin, can you see them?
kristin: um...hahahaha if i can see them so can you.
me: oops! i meant can u feel them!! hahah

^^lmao im a fucking retard. but yeah it was fun. left at 8 came home went to camilas saw wat she did to our notebook...haha. then got the keys to her house so i can dogsit while shes in georgia.

**anyone wanna chill during break? call, comment, or IM me. =]


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:: 2004 27 December :: 10.10pm
:: Mood: depressed
:: Music: lost again by ryan <33

when you said to me that its all alright...

i hate you all.
you all hate me.


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:: 2004 27 December :: 8.01pm
:: Mood: moody
:: Music: like toy soldiers by: eminem

<3 to <3

yesterday went to mall with kristin camila allison donna and other ppl. we lost juan and then sum girl came up to us sitting on the ground and started singing then left? weird. then sum guys asked kristin if she had any pot lol. then found juan and ate. sonia made a scene. i bought clothes. went home. went to shadowood. hung out w/ jeremy scott and gustavo. it was really gay. i bought ryan cabrera magazines.

today went grocery shopping with the folks. gayness. came home and hung out with camila and krisitn. then went to target and lowes. came home and was gunna hang out with justin t. and justin a. but i couldnt so yeah now im here...bored.


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:: 2004 26 December :: 10.47pm
:: Mood: sad

RIP Reggie White


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:: 2004 25 December :: 9.13pm
:: Mood: bitchy
:: Music: lovers and friends bu lil jon luda and usher

but you gotta promise baby...

okay so once again im gunna bitch and complain about how i fucking hate west boca high. no one understands cept camila allie and sam,,,well and niki and nicole. i seriously hate the people that go there. they are mostly all backstabbing, fake bitches and assholes. its so stereotypical. i hate it. i dont want to spend 75% of my time with these people who i dont like. i dont want to graduate with them. i want to get my diploma with kyrie, jack, dilan, mara, bryan and carolyn. this is my 3rd school within 5 years and i hate how everytime i switch, i seem to lose all my friends and never make ones quite as good again. it sucks balls.

annnnd, the worst part is, im finding out that the people i call my friends (ppl other than sam, camila, niki, nicole, allie nd desiree) really dont like me. it hurts and makes me not want to go to school. the worst part is they act like my friend to my face, usually, but then i find out from other ppl what they really think. it pisses me off. especially when u find out thats why they never hang out and why they cant even say hi to me at school or act like they know me nd only use me for info on other people, then i dont even know why i ever considered us to be "good friends".

and i dont wanna hear u guys bitch at me saying that im being stupid, that west boca high is "the shit", and that i shuldnt keep leaving in the past.the past is heaven compared to the shit i go thru. before u go leaving comments and saying shit...look at how you guys treat me.....

gah. fuck. -_-

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:: 2004 25 December :: 8.52pm
:: Mood: let down
:: Music: in my life by ryan <3

i just wanna know you're awake..

the only thing i wanted for xmas was a certain phone call....

that i didnt get...

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:: 2004 25 December :: 8.41pm
:: Mood: annoyed
:: Music: last winter by ryan <3

the butterflies collide inside...

christmas seems to suck more and more each year. mayb its cuz im getting older. i dunno. but yeah the gift department sucked. i got lots of socks...

other than that i cleaned my room cuz there was nothing else to do. it sucks not having all ur family come on the holidays...

after that i hung out with camila and zach then jus camila and allie. we went to allies house and talked about how we all hate west boca and the ppl that go there and we had fun.

came home. ate dinner. now im bored.. hmpf.

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:: 2004 24 December :: 11.33pm
:: Mood: crushed
:: Music: nsync xmas cd

i never knew the meaning of xmas til you came into my life..


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:: 2004 24 December :: 12.59pm
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: ryan cabrera <33

i jus wanna know that you're around..

i've always thought it would be cute to have a boyfriend during the holidays...


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:: 2004 24 December :: 12.37pm
:: Mood: apathetic
:: Music: ryan cabrera <333

you're all i wanted...

yesterday was lame...

after school went home and got ready then me and camila hung out around target and the surrounding area till 4 when we went to get our nails done. i hate mine, they hurt and they bother me. i can barey fucking type. anyways before we hung out with evan s. and helped him look for a phone cover. then after got dropped off at the bus stop in sandalfoot and almost got ass raped like 652 times. it was scary. then sum black lady was randomly talking to us on the bus...weird. got there met up with allison and kristin and sum weird boys. they all left and we found sam and i saw ajay and kelsea <33. wow i havent seen ajay in like 518754 years. then we visited jess at his popcorn place and we left, but camila stayed there.. then me and sam bought new gauged earrings nd then met up with jay. and then this weird hatian thing was like talking to me and like wanted to get in my pants and sam and jay almost left me! and i was like "sammm" and he goes "no its ok let them go, then it can be just me and u" omg i flipped out. so we ran away. damn haitians like seriously. lol. then had to leave after having an episode. came home and yah. went to sleep.

omgg i had a really bad dream last nite, well more like a nightmare...i dreamed that i hated ryan cabrera!! omg. it was horrible.


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