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dumbblonde1137

:: 2004 19 November :: 11.26pm
:: Mood: bouncy
:: Music: HH<3

i know its hard to feel like i dont care at all...


today was fun. lol. 1st hour i realized i left my purse sumwhere outside and mrs. more freaked out and handed me a stuffed bear as my pass. LMAO. i found it in student services. 3rd hr was okay. lunch was so-so. nothing interesting. i seriously think piercing boy got swtiched to second lunch *cries hysterically*. 5th hour-guidance counselor came with our shit. my rank is 21 outta 388. good, but not what i was hoping for. whatever. 7th hour-madd easy/fun. after school daddy piked me and sam up and we made our shirts with cheese on them for battle of the bands tomorrow. then we went to her house and changed and then went to shadowood and met up with brian and ashly (dans ex-gf whos super cool/funny/nice) lol. it was sooooo much fun. we ate at dennys and played at toys-r-us. it was greattt. never laughed so much ever. lol. then i almost broke brians car LMAO. then we were having "SEX" [insert hand motion here] in the car. lol. then my dad almost saw me in the car...yikes.

::all the ppl i saw tonight::
-kyrie (OMG she CHOPPED OFF ALL HER HAIR)
-jack
-anna
-onan
-daniel
-iain and woody
-those two boys i molest LOL
-tyler hogan
-alan and marcus

---i think thats it. but yeah . im gunna go to sleep cuz i gotta wake up early and do my god damn chores. but yeah, tonight was good for me. cheered me up alot. =]

-later lovers-

<33-nizzle

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dumbblonde1137

:: 2004 18 November :: 7.59pm
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: ohio is for lovers by: HH

slow things down or speed them up..

today was so-so. things were fine between me and camila but i dont think they are anymore. whatever. english-sat watching ppls gay presentations while studying for spansish test. spanihs-test did okay. then did gay shit. lunch-eh fine. didnt see my loverr. damn. history-boringggggg. told sam what happened last nite :x algebra-didnt take the test but we learned 2 new lesssons so when we take the test we have more shit to know. goddddd. after school- sam called brian to pick us up and like the cool kid he is he did. lol. we played, or rather, tried to play hacky sack till he came. he took us to "my" house we got money then went to rag shop/target/burger king. lol. on the way to taking sam bak to school to bake pies, we almost got in a car accident. it was scarrry. lol. then me and brian went to borders and wow. lol. it was ...interesting to say the least. i got followed by sum skinny ass palestinian who wanted to rape me and he got stalked by sum gay black man who wanted to inject his rainbow colored sperm into his butthole. hahahahaha. omg it was funny. yeah then came home and got yelled at by just about everyone i spoke to and i havent even been home for 30 minutes yet! god. this week really sucks. no one knows how i fuckin feel and it makes me really upset. gahh. not getting into it.

-later losers-

<33-janelle

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dumbblonde1137

:: 2004 18 November :: 7.58pm





"I know it's hard to feel like I don't care at all."


___emotional rant____

-i dont think its fair that im the only one who does something wrong, people get mad at me, but hold a fucking grudge for like ever. i never do that. i always end up forgiving them right away and having everything else go bak to normal. everyone who gets mad at me stays mad at me and shit. it really is not fair. everyone makes mistakes for god sakes. so im sorry to the two people that i pissed off today. i jus dont think i deserve to have this little "mistake" held against me when i forgive u guys practically instantaneously. im jus sick of me and my goddam life. things are starting to become what they were in the begininning of the summer. --camila and sum other ppl, you know what im talking about. but this time its worse. wayyy worse. and jus when im having a good time or in a good mood, i fucking get yelled at. i know i messed up but im only human. please, jus for the time being, try to help me out a lil by stop getting mad at me for every lil thing. i havent been myself lately and i feel totally spacey and unorganized and depressed u have no idea. so i apologize and ask u guys to try and be more understanding...and no, this isnt jus directly aimed at u two, its for everyone. im going thru a hard time right now and i jus need friends to be there for me.

-janelle-

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dumbblonde1137

:: 2004 17 November :: 8.02pm




god, im sucha fucking hypocrite.



-did sum things tonight that i am not proud of. and i get mad at other ppl for doing it. god im so lame...




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dumbblonde1137

:: 2004 17 November :: 6.21pm
:: Mood: utterly upset
:: Music: hawthrone heights<3

for the last time, turn out the lights...


today sucked so bad. im in such a shitty mood and i keep crying periodically at every little thing. this morning i was sleeping and brian calls at like 7:23 and asks if we are still going to breakfast. so i call sam she calls me he calls her blah blah and we end up going. so i have like 25 minutes to get ready before he piks me up so i cant shower so i jus rolled outta bed and put clothes on so i looked like shit. i didnt even bother to fix my hair. we went to clock...eww gross dont ever eat there. brian asked the lady if she could get me smiley face pancakes and she said yes but when i got them, they had no smiley face. stupid bitch. then she gave us the wrong check and it was for only 6 dollars and we tried to get away w/ jus payin that but it didnt work. gahh. so then he drove us to his house cuz we had like and hr and a half till school. me and sam looked at loggers yearbook. hahahaha. then he took us to school after piking up allie and camila. then while walking to first hr, clifford runs by me and lifts up my goddamn skirt. omg i was soo pissed and upset i started to crying to nicole in the bathroom. i swear on my life if i ever see that kid again i will literally beat the living shit outta him. and no, im not kidding. then 1st hr me and haley shared a bagel. hehe. then 2nd hr presentations...gay. 3rd hr jus sat and talked about sex and being a virgin or nonvirgin with deigo matt and desiree. 4th hr was fine. 5th hr was boring. 6th hr sucks i hate that class. 7th hr was fine. took a quiz. ehh. thennnnnnnn....after school i was talking to jaryd and justin when i see camila and allie going upstairs they said they were getting a ride home from brenden and that they were getting math tutoring while they waited for him to get done w/ his math test or w/e. yeah i told her i needed a ride too so i waited out front of school for prolly like 15 minutes tops and then everyone left so i went upstairs to find camila and allie but they werent there so i called camila and she said she was at home. oh my lord did i go off. screaming and shit and everyone in the halls jus shut up and stared,except for sum nigger who said "oooh she told u" wow. how gay. but seriously i was so pissed cuz no one was at school anymore and i had no way of getting home except walking. its really gay too especially since i had brian go out of his way to pik them up this morning and then they leave me? what the fuck. and if they truly looked for me or actually cared, they wulda called. i was soo upset i called sam histerically crying. she called brian and he called me and told me he would pick me up. aww what a nice guy and i jus met him yesterday. lol. i love him to death for coming and getting me. thanks a bazillion. but still i was soooooo pissed. and i lied to my mom bout how i was getting home so when he dropped me off i couldnt go home. so i walked to nicoles house and i helped her a lil with her h/w then we went to wendys and ran into gusto amanda maria kevin and sean. then me and nicole were in the gas station getting an icee and i run into justin...literally. lol. he scared me. then my fucking parents were being gay and made me go home at 5. who the fuck eats dinner at 5:15 in the goddam after noon? god. and they bad thing was i had called jeremy and chris and told them to come so they walked alllllllllll the way from boca winds. so when we met up with them and they started yelling at me, i started crying again. then went and ate dinner and gave my family "attitude" or w/e so i got yelled at again. right now i wish everyone would stop being gay and leave me alone.

-whatever-

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dumbblonde1137

:: 2004 16 November :: 8.50pm
:: Music: over and over by nelly

i think about it over and over again..


l'im cosí i malati di persone proprio ora. penso che ami due persone che non dovrei amare. se i miei amici mai l'hanno scoperto comincerebbe le lotte. sarebbe cattivo. uno dei miei amici molto buoni è degli inizi me infastidire e l'im si è stancato cosí di tutti dovere ascoltare i problemi altro insignificanti. nessuno mai me ascolta appena. anche se non parlo, dicoè come la mia depressione cominciata durante l'estate. posso essere preso per scontato soltanto per cosí lungo prima che non posso portare lo qualunque più lungo. io significo scrivo anche quest'entrata di diario nell'italiano perché me non vuole sentire le persone si lamentano di ciò che dico. perché io fare infastidisce più anche? penso letteralmente che un giorno sono giusto andando completamente SI guastare.Non portare questo più. desidero che i miei amici migliori agirebbero come gli amici migliori.

-fuck off-

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dumbblonde1137

:: 2004 16 November :: 8.40pm



like Holden Caulfield in "The Catcher in the Rye" once said...

"People are always ruining things for you."


gahh.

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dumbblonde1137

:: 2004 16 November :: 8.26pm
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: Ohio is for Lovers by: Hawthorne Heights

i'll wait for you but i can't wait forever...

so cut my wrists and black my eyes
so i can fall asleep tonight,
or die
because you kill me...



today: school was fine. dont feel like bothering u with the teeny details. except this one....PIERCING BOY!!!. niki saw him when we were walkin up the stairs and i nearly had a spaz. haha. omg i love him. but yeah.

after school: sam came home with me and her friend brian drove over to chill. he took us to the park and we hung out. we called justin and he came too. chilled more and spun lil kids on the spin-y thing. lol. then he drove us to wendys were i damn near had a heart attack. my dad like was right next to us in the car. omg i almost cried. lol. then we went bak to the park and we chilled sum more. brians a cool kid lol. we all might go to breakfast tomorrow but not sure yet. but yeah it was fun i guess. tomorrow is a "come-in-late" day. yay!! k i gotta go do gay algebra hw.

-later skaters-

<3-janelle


"spare me just three last words,
i love you is all she heard,
i'll wait for you but i can't wait forever"

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dumbblonde1137

:: 2004 15 November :: 7.50pm



my week's gunna suck cuz mommy bought me the wrong kind of pink gum...

=[

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dumbblonde1137

:: 2004 13 November :: 10.14pm
:: Mood: distressed
:: Music: i dont want to be by gavin degraw

i dont wanna be anything other than what ive been trying to be lately...



omgg. my 87 year old grandma in wisconsin jus had a stroke thingy. i hope shes okay....


<33

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dumbblonde1137

:: 2004 12 November :: 10.45pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: beautiful soul by jesse mccartney

i dont want just anyone to hold...


the last couple of days have been shiiit. forgot to say that the other day after school me and camila saw patrick (20-year old dude in our hood) driving in out school so we chased after him and he gave us a ride home in his truck. hahaha u shulda been there to see His face. omg i loved it. hahahaha. anyways..

today after school got ready and hung out at camilas, sam came over and we were gunnna take the 6:15 bus to the mall but there was no 6:15 bus so we went and chilled at shadowood instead. well first we ate dinner at fridays and had a pedophile waiter. hahahah. then hung out at shadowood it was kinda gay. like 423948235983495 middle schoolers. god. saw lisa, amanda, sum hot kid w/ her, chris (diff. chris), richie and owen. oh and maria. but yeah. met sum dudes that sam knew...omggg the one was realllly hot, yet weird. he kept flashing everyone. lolol. but yeah then went in borders and looked at magazines and i stole another picture of ryan cabrera. ahaha. then we took sam home. omggg her house is huge!!! lol. came home now im here. tomorrow after chores, its the mall w/ nicole chris sam and camila. so yeah call me u guys !!!

-good night-

<33-janelle

Stupidest, gayest thing ive ever heard a ghetto gangsta wannabe say:

"Oooh. you got told like a bedtime story."

-(my wanksta brother)-

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dumbblonde1137

:: 2004 12 November :: 4.28pm
:: Mood: heartbroken

--complete cute. this is exactly what i want...



tell her you think that she's cool. tell her why you think she's so cool. smell her. talk to her in movie theatres. pick her up and pretend you're going to throw her in the river, she'll scream and fight you but secretly, she'll love it. hold her hand and skip. hold her hand and run. just hold her hand. pick her flowers out of other people's gardens and give them to her. tell her she looks pretty. let her pay for stuff if she wants to. introduce her to your friends as 'the coolest girl i know'. sit in the park and talk to her. take her to the library and playgrounds and train stations. tell her dirty jokes. tell her stupid jokes. talk about politics. write poems about her. just walk around with her. throw pebbles at her window at night, when she starts swearing at you, tell her you love her. take her to shows of bands she's never heard. hold her hand in the mosh pit. let her fall asleep in your arms. call her. call her back if she calls you. sing to her, no matter how bad you are. carve your names into a tree. get her mad, then kiss her. give her piggy-back rides. go see her band play even if they really suck. and tell her that they were great. give her space if she needs it. push her on swings. stay up with her all night when she's sick. make up pet names for her, but cool ones, not sappy ones. teach her guitar. lend her your cds. write on her. make her mixtapes. write her letters. if she asks you to go to a show with her, go, even it it means a 5 hour train trip. take her to cool shops and let her take you to even cooler ones. listen to all the bands she mentions. dont tell her that her favorite bands suck. when shes sad hang out with her or stay on the phone even if shes not saying anything. buy her ice cream. when you find out that she used to be a teenybopper dont bag her about it. let her take all the photos of you she wants. look into her eyes. slow dance with her, even if the music is fast. kiss her in the rain. when you fall in love with her, tell her.

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dumbblonde1137

:: 2004 11 November :: 7.11pm
:: Mood: angry
:: Music: beautiful soul by jesse mccartney

i dont want my love to go to waste...

WORST DAY EVER:

-had a weird night last night. didnt get much sleep.
-POFL book wasnt in my locker and i had the test today.
-^^that led to me crying before first hour.
-took POFL test, bullshitted most of it, grr.
-spanish was jus down right gay.
-lunch-fucking dr.pepper was sold out so i push mountain dew and i get a fucking PINEAPPLE SUNKIST. wtfff. it was the most disgusting thing ever.
-while walking to lunch i dropped the stupid soda shit and it exploded everywhere on teh ground so i jus lef it.
-gustavo kept hitting me.
-fucking janitor like swept my ass (lol niki)
-pierciing boy was not at school.
-got a 76 on my history test=more crying.
-math was soooo gay. wtf how the fuck to u factor? jesus christ. im swear im gunna fucking dropout.
-arsalan fucking made me spill my other soda all over the computer in math class.

----after school met up with nicole to help her study for her math test and we met up with chris and jeremy and amanda and maria. it was fun things were looking up. ha yeahh ok...

-people pissed me off=morrre crying cuz im a gay faggot who cries instead of getting mad and yelling or w/e the fuck ppl do.
-and now im thinking about things which is making me sad. god im such an idiot.

(maybe tomorrow will be better?)

--fuck this shit--

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dumbblonde1137

:: 2004 11 November :: 6.36pm

--stole this from nicole cuz i absolutely love it.




Somewhere b e t w e e n procrastination.... and homework.... and the incessant fowards.... and the friendships.... and the calls to each other complaining about crushes.... Somewhere b e t w e e n phone calls to o l d f r i e n d s.... And the “I miss you's” and "I love you's".... And the "What are we doing tonight?'s”... And somewhere b e t w e e n growing & changing.... And somewhere b e t w e e n classes.... And the skipping classes.... And the studying for tests.... And the pretending to study for tests.... And the downright NOT studying for tests.... I forgot. I forgot what school is all about.

I forgot what it meant to cry.... I forgot that pretending to be happy doesn't make you happy.... And that pretending to be smart doesn't make you smart.... I forgot that you just can't forget the past in fear of the future.... I forgot that you can't control falling in love.... And that you can't make yourself fall in love.... I learned that I can love.... I learned that it's okay to mess up.... And it's okay to ask for help.... And it's okay to feel like crap.... I learned its okay to complain and whine to all your friends for a whole day.... Because that's how you know who your true friends are. I learned that sometimes the things you want most you just can't have. I learned that the greatest things about high school isn't the CrAzY parties or the DRiNkInG or the hook-ups....It's the friendships, which means taking chances.... I learned that sometimes the things we want to forget are the things which we most need to talk about.... I learned that letters from friends are the most important thing; And that sending cards to your friends makes you feel better. But basically, I just learned that my friends.... Both o l d and n e w.... Are the most important people to me in the world. And without them, I wouldn't be who I am today. So this is a thank yOu to all of my friends.... For always being there and I love you.


<333

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dumbblonde1137

:: 2004 9 November :: 7.15pm
:: Mood: blank
:: Music: iris by goo-goo dolls

and i give up forever to touch you...


today was ok. did absolutely nothing in any of my classes. two out of four had subs in. i lost my ducky at lunch but found it thankfully. fucking sprinted to see piercing boy but missed him, damn! lol. after school chilled with allie camila sum kid and jeremy. then went home. started to study and niki and nicole came on my driveway (where i was reading) and we laid around. nicole was being VERY PSYCHO. lol. she tried to kill me on the chair and i got her wet ahaha. then we walked to wendys and i only have 7 out of 9 lives left since im a fucking klutz. lol!! and niki's crotch cracks. ahahahahaha. it was funn. we talked about how gay we were when we were freshmen. then we all went home and i jus finished having a fucking spaz since my printer wont work and i had to print out spanish hw. so IMed like evry1 and no one had a printer...gah wtf? haha but then the love of my life, ALLIE did it for me. I LOVE YOU!!. haha now i gotta go study for a bout a bazillion other things shitttt i have english hw i forgot about. god damn it...

-suck my ballllls bitch!- (lol niki n' nicole)

<33-janelle

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dumbblonde1137

:: 2004 8 November :: 10.05pm



today was fine. talked about eggs this morning that was entertaining. 2nd hr was ok. did gay shit. cant even remember what. all i know is i got a 100 and a 95 on my fucking 28 page reading log for POFL. yay! spanish was ok. took two fucking pop quizzes. did ok on them. have a paper to write in spanish by thrusday. blahhh. lunch was fine. stalked piercing boy (damn hes hott) and saw brown man (also hott) get in a fight. history was gay. took the DBQ from hell. i thought i did good but was completely off base. grrr. algebra was ok. i get what were doing, well except the stuff that i fell asleep during. lol. after school took jeremy and danny home. aww he lives in my old neighborhood. hehe. then hung out with nicole niki and gustavo. wasnt the best time ever thats for sure. went home then went with camila to party city and publix. ahahahah he beat the shit outta julian. at publix i talked to eric from pe last year and ran into owen. aww hes so adorable i love him. he hugged me and he smelt good and ithought it was axe, but he told me it was marijuana...hmmm? but yeah. went home did hw and talked to ppl online. im gunna go now tho cuz fresh prince of bel-air is on and thats my favorite show.!!

-later hoes-

<33-janellle

Ps- i saw it again. it makes me really upset. i hope they both die...

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dumbblonde1137

:: 2004 7 November :: 10.39pm



omgggg. i jus watched the best episode of viva la bam ever made. johnny knoxville is beyond orgasmic. i love him!!!
-------------------------------------------------------------------

anywho, this weekend was fun. friday football game (already updated bout that).
saturday: did nothing then sams mom piked us up and we went to jaryds where we hung out with him nick and his sister. it was fun. then i stole jaryds jacket and im NEVER giving it back. haahaha. then sam's friend justin piked us up in his car and took us to dairy queen where we got two blizzards for 32 cents. yes thats right u heard me. 32 cents. its cuz we know G. hahaha. then justin dropped us off at shadowood where me and sam chilled until every1's movie got out. we begged ppl for money to buy this magazine w/ ryan cabrera shit in it and to win a pony for sam. haha we bought happy meals and got coooool monkey straws and bendy incredible toys. then mom piked us up and we piked up jeremy and max and hung out at my house. drama of course not getting into it right now. but then maria and amanda showed up, sam left and i had to go inside. but yeah.
sunday: did nothing. went to store with mommy. got nothing. hmpf. did hw at camilas and got her and jaryd to go back out. hahaha. but yeah. im gunna go to sleep.

-later skater-

<33-janelle

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dumbblonde1137

:: 2004 7 November :: 10.03am



-- Im s h a t t e r e d like [[broken glass]] upon ur feet. You watch me bleed. As if u *{ dont care }* at all.


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dumbblonde1137

:: 2004 6 November :: 11.39pm



im in sucha a horrible mood right now. im so fucking pissed and upset im like almost literally in tears. im so fucking sick of my so-called "friends" treating me like shit. like tonight for example...who the fuck does something that rude? def. not sumone i wuld call my friends. he says such horrible things that it makes me so upset. i cant take this bullshit from anyone anymore. i have tons and tons of friends and alot of them i see on a daily basis and would call my "good friends". but i've def. cut ppl off that list who should have never ever been on it. there are literally 7 people in my life that i can trust and who actually are nice and care and arent assholes. camila, sam, niki, nicole, allie, chris and johnny--i fucking love u guys to death you guys are like my best friends. but like im so sick of my "friends" pissing me off and making me cry. yeah u heard me, cry cuz u lil fuckers push me to the edge. gahhh. fuckkk.

-whatever-

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dumbblonde1137

:: 2004 5 November :: 11.25pm
:: Mood: jumpy

Tonight was a BLAST!! after seeing sumthing at school that really pissed me off, i went home and around 6 sam aka samizzle came over and we drew on our shirts! they are so hott!! hahah. then me her and camizzle went to the Football Game. got there ppl were being quite gay. then after getting lost in the parking lot with the buses...JOHNNY showed up. we chilled the whole time. it was lots of fun. we established the fact that i am incredibly jumpy and i need to chill the fuck out. lololol. but yeah. i definately had fun. i def. love him soooo much. <33 hahahaha yeah anyways i met dan's most recent ex-gf. funny how he cheated on her too...hmm sum guys jus never learn! lol stayed and wacthed band again cuz they rock my socks. gimme a B-A-N-D!!! lol good times. but yeah....definately had lots of fun tonight. met new ppl (clifford and other ppl dont remember names lol) and i kissed ANTHONY's ass!!! LMAO. it was hilarious. but yeah it was funnnnnn. cant wait to hang out with johnny and all them again!!! woot. but yeah. im out. i def. accomplished what i wanted to do hahaha. thanks johnny. lol ur a great boyfriend. lol!!!! hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha =]

-later loverss-

<33-janelle

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