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2004 21 May :: 7.14 pm
:: Mood: lonely
You've fucked me over, once again
Ohh wow. Today & yesterday was hell I dont even know where to start. Okay 1st hour, Kristen n Mr. Woodruff, both saw blood that was soakin through my shirt. Yeah i had cut myself that morning. Then he took me to Arkison she called Kim Kim and Arkison called my mom and then my mom called my counsler So they could talk about it. Ended up only going to 3rd hour yesterday. Yeah, called Kim 4th hour, to see if she would pick me up from skool. my mom ended up being there and stole the phone from kim. my mom said i couldnt go to kims t nite So im like wtf ever ya know. I jus jus didnt wanna deal wif my mom But ended up kim showed up at my house right when i got home. went to her house and we talked. even more than me and my mom did. Yeah thats about it. Xcept now i cant go to riot
My mom is fuckin retarded!! i hope she does go to jail on the 1st like she is surposed to. While shes there i hope she dies i fuckin hate her. shes immature and fuckin stupid. im jus going to run away t nite ='( I fuckin cant live here, wif these dumbasses.
Well thats enough for now. Latah everyone. ='(
18 And i fall in love again.. |
Then i see your face |
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2004 19 May :: 6.45 pm
:: Mood: nauseated
I still need you here wit me babii..
Well lets see here, everyone wants me to update and everything, i really dont know what to say, nothing much has really happened lately i guess. Well..today i went to counseling..yeah that was really kind of..uhm..sad n stuff i started bawling of korse..and even she knows how much i hate crying..but yeah we talked about some interesting stuff..and i think i mite have a plan to get outta here. But i have to think about it ya know..neways.
Ya know, everything is going real wrong lately. And i really dont know what to do. I miss when things were finally okay I jus wish that i knew how to get back to that point i need kyndra..i need group, i need arkinson, and i need laurie. But who do i have, ONLY LAURIE And none of my friends are being good friends except of korse ali jean Stacey roo and Malissa *lilmofuggy* But thats it. i jus dont know wat to do anymore. i feel so hopeless and worthless
Well thats it for complaing today. i luv all of my friends Latah everyone.
6 And i fall in love again.. |
Then i see your face |
::
2004 18 May :: 7.58 pm
:: Mood: hopeful
May 18th
I am receptive to the idea that...I always have a choice
about how I respond to experiences in my life.
If you have ever thought of yourself as a victim, you will have difficultly trusting yourself, god or anyone else. As long as you are a victim you will have someone to blame, someone to hold accountable for what went on and what is going on in your life. Sure, something unpleasant happened! That was then, this is now. There is no need for you to remain a victim. As long as you are a victim you can take no share of the responsiblity for who you are, what you do or how you feel. You see, victims do not respond in choice, they react in fear. As long as you are in fear, you cannot trust.
As long as you are a victim, you cannot see the lesson. In fact, you may not want to see the lesson. You want an explaination! You want the whys answered, but no matter what anyone says, you will not believe it because you don't trust anyone. As a victim you cannot admit that you have grown and are growing in response to your experience. Rather than choosing to see and celebrate your growth, you choose hurt, anger, fear, indignation and self righteousness. In fact, the taste of anger is probably rising in your throat right now because you don't trust that anyone knows how horrible it was for you. Nor do you trust that anyone other than you understands how that horror is still very active in your life. They do. They also realize that the reason you cannot let go of being a victim is because to do so means deciding for yourself what else you can be. And victims do not trust that they can do that.
Until today, you may have been singing a victim song so loud that you did not realize that there is a redemption song. Just for today, trust yourself enough to sing your own praises about how far you have come, how much you have done, how much more you are willing to do, in spite of all you have experienced.
Today, I am devoted to trusting myself to break the chains
and shackles that have made me a victim!
I love mah babii Ali jean!! Your my best friend i luv you!!
6 And i fall in love again.. |
Then i see your face |
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2004 18 May :: 7.55 pm
:: Mood: silly
Hey everyone..theres this book that, the social worker, sherry gave me today because it was our last day today talking, and its like a book where you read one entry every day. And it has the date on it and everything, so im going to write every day in here. Just so you all can read it lol. =)
5 And i fall in love again.. |
Then i see your face |
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2004 15 May :: 11.05 pm
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: Amazed --lonestar
Please do this!! =)
Post anything that you want, and post it anonymously. Anything. A story, a secret, a confession, a fear, a love - anything. Be sure to post anonymously and honestly. Post more than once, if you'd like. Then, put this in your journal to see what your friends have to say.
2 And i fall in love again.. |
Then i see your face |
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