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i love tyler!

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:: 2005 24 March :: 12.03 pm

last night was interesting! gosh. im so happy. he didnt end up going tojail! we stayed up all night, and then got ready. left for court. ate a donut. went actually to court. he got out with $360 fine. im so happy he didnt leave me for 30 days! anyways. everyone pray for this to end up on my end! hope that he will someday realize he wants me for more.

2 poopss | pooper dooper scooper

:: 2005 23 March :: 11.33 am

well i do have a chance with him. down the road though. hes not ready for something with me i guess. i dont get it. he says he wants to get back with his ex. not this most recent one but one before her. god. i told him that it was nice to know that i was his 3rd choice. and he said it wasnt like that. oh well. i told him i could see him going out with me in the future and he said...yah probably. i really hope it will end up like that. i cant wait till he realizes how great this could be. we are writing a song together and we are both singing in it. i think i like it a lot. it sounds so good. my nose hurts really bad. hes comming over after work tonight and spending the night so i can take him to court tomorrow. gosh i know he sounds really naughty, but hes a real sweetheart. gosh i like him a lot. this is going to be a long journey and hopefully i end up on the right path.

2 poopss | pooper dooper scooper

:: 2005 22 March :: 11.29 am

i need to get over him. we are going shopping tonight. i need to not like him anymore. i need to just be a good friend.

1 poops | pooper dooper scooper

:: 2005 21 March :: 11.44 am

hahahahahahahahahahahah fucking funny. guess im a joke to everyone eh? hahahah

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:: 2005 20 March :: 11.39 pm
:: Mood: lonely
:: Music: dashboard confessional

so yeah. i feel as if i have no real friends. friends i can tell things too. people i can tell whats going on in my life and that let me lean on their shoulder. friends that i talk to everyday that know everything about me. friends that know that i am so depressed right now i think i might have to see somebody. friends that understand the decisions i make and why i make them. people that i have no secrets with. that instead of just being there while i cry are there for me all the time.
people that want to listen to my problems and what is going on in my life as much as im willing to listedn to theirs.

3 poopss | pooper dooper scooper

:: 2005 20 March :: 12.49 pm

so i made yet again another mistake. this came to fast. we kissed again how great something makes me feel can be killing the person i am feeling it with.

pooper dooper scooper

:: 2005 18 March :: 12.02 pm

did i mention that we got pulled over twice last night? i had to drive his car baack to mine. cause he has a suspended license. he didnt pay a ticket, so to make the night worse.

life sucks.

i have also noticed that i havent been eaating very much. my apetite has shrunk or something. i just find myself to never be hungry. when i think i am i only end up eating a quarter of what i intended anyways. it is pretty sad.

god last night sucked so much. i sat at the coffee house with him and his sister (who is pretty fucking cool) and her friends where there. one of them happened to be one of his ex girlfriends. who i find out has lost a lot of weight, and is hott, and now he wants to get baack with her. they talked on my cell phone last night. and flirted. God! i cant take this anymore. i am so pissed and upset. i feel like everything that i put any effort towards is just screwed over.

pooper dooper scooper

:: 2005 18 March :: 11.34 am

there i go getting screwed again
my luck also ended last night.
how is it that something that i felt was so right, so perfect,happened to be totally different for him. something i thought was amazing and special just happend to be something that just "friends" do. we kissed and when it happened i got a chill down my back and i thought he felt the same way because he kissed me back. i was estatic. he was totally oblivious to how i felt. you know i was thinking im so fucking selfish. this guy is going through so much right now, and all i can think about is how he doesen't want me more than a friend. im such a bitch. i realize that crying yesterday, sobbing, on the way home, is all my fault anyways. i knew what was going on. but hearing him want to get with other girls just kills me. i just want to slap him and tell him to wake the fuck up and look right infront of his fucking nose. i dont know how easy it will be to continue just being friends. i need to be there. i have to. he has no one else. but i just wish i could be more to him. i thought i was.

you know what, i realized....i want to move really bad. not just out of my house, but out of michigan. i need to get away from everything and everyone. i cant stand seeing the people who once screwed me over and i cant stand anymore broken fucking hearts. i am going to do whatever i can, so at the beginning of summer or somewhere close to the beginning, i will hopefully be somewhere far away. away from everyone and everything just sounds so perfect right now.

pooper dooper scooper

:: 2005 17 March :: 8.49 am

oh wow.
it happened
now that worry is setting in
stress get off of me!
we kissed.
im scared
im happy

pooper dooper scooper

:: 2005 16 March :: 11.56 am
:: Music: the used

my stupid poem
Head over Heals

Understanding the nothing that is there
wishing that something was more than whats intentions are trying to make it.
Screaming through an invisible sound proof wall
wanting that nothing to be something
to catch me when i fall

Yet warned again then falling fast, faster than just nothing
this is something
reading wrong whats been prescribed...overdosing, to find that
hidden cry
Nothing is what is there while somethings what I crave
standing alone yet again someone else will get what i want
ill begin to fade
always finding that middle ground, im a friend, only what you want
isn't what ive found
Overbearing signs that scream deaaad END! In wich i only yield.
then being alone wishing for that nothing to be something
i know is real.
falling over the mountain for you
head over heals.

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