::
2005 1 January :: 12.42 pm
:: Mood: in the dumps
Things are getting shitty..me and nate have one month to get our shit together. either we take over the lease..or we find a new place to live. its just me and nate now..we have to be in it together and for good. WE NEED ANOTHER ROOMATE. the rent would be 3 ways. we need someone who can hold their own and wont bail on us. if you want to get away from mommy and daddy, this is your opportunity. it probably wont come this easy again. this is a chance to be on your own and see what the real world is like. think about it.
1 Lover |
Star struck |
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2004 31 December :: 12.27 pm
:: Mood: Good
:: Music: Stealers Wheel - Stuck in the middle with you
chips and dip =)
Well, it's finally new years eve. party tonight, should be fun. no fucking drama this time lets hope. had the guys over last night, had some fun, watched some movies, ya know. everything's still good, so im a pretty happy guy right now. Stacy and I are great. today's going to be good.
Soon, i will be starting a poker night, once a week, all is welcome. not a party, its all about poker and money. bring $5 or $10 bucks and you'll be good for the entire night. we play nickles and dimes. chips will be used. so prepare for that, as soon as i get things set up ill give out more info.
Bradley
Star struck |
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2004 29 December :: 1.42 am
God, I love you so much.
1 Lover |
Star struck |
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2004 28 December :: 2.48 pm
just worked 6 hours...gotta work 6 more in about 2 1/2 hours...yay.
1 Lover |
Star struck |
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2004 22 December :: 7.28 pm
:: Mood: accomplished
:: Music: Johnny Cash - I walk the line
Life's no game.
Work, work, work. The past 2 days i got let out early. starting next week. i will be working 2 shifts a day. so on tuesdays, im going to be working 11 hours. and on wednesdays, im going to be working 8 1/2 hours. and on the weekend im still not sure. probably 5 hours for weekends. thats a lot of fucking hours in one day. ive never worked 11 hours for a day. but yeah, this is going to go on for about a month because one of the employee's is getting surgery. i get paid in 2 weeks. the check should be rather large. i made $23 bucks in tips last night. i didnt collect tips from tonight because i didnt close. but ill probably pick it up tomorrow morning. going out with friends tomorrow so im gonna need money for that. once i get my first check, im going to start paying rent, so there's $175 gone right there. plus whatever other bills like phone and shit. plus, paying people back and all that other stuff. my mom is giving me $100 for christmas, and my dad's giving me a gift certificate for the mall, not sure how much for. but im going to use that money on stuff i need, such as clothes and whatever else. ill probably start saving money soon. once i get large amounts coming in. *sigh* life is good, things are going well. finally.
1 Lover |
Star struck |
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2004 20 December :: 6.10 am
:: Mood: real content
:: Music: Elvis Presley - From a jack to a king
Nothing better
*sits back and relaxes as The King eases his troubles*
Star struck |
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2004 19 December :: 12.30 pm
:: Mood: Good for once
All mine.
Well, today, its official. me and stacy are together and everythings good. had a double date kind of deal today, it was really good. went to the mall and out to eat, came back and watched a movie. i loved it. but driving home was not good. ran out of gas on ice, had to be towed to the apartments. i guess its all ok now, my car pisses me off though. oh well. work is good, everything seems to be good. well, i think im going to go eat some left over pizza. later people. stacy, i do love you.
5 Lover's |
Star struck |
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2004 18 December :: 12.01 pm
Well, worked 7 1/2 hours today. its been long as fuck. made decent tips thats for sure. i need to get christmas gifts, quick. i cant believe christmas is already next weekend. *sigh* im tired as fuck. cant wait for payday, in 2 more damn weeks. oh well. but yeahh, gah nevermind, i need rest or something. later.
Star struck |
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2004 17 December :: 4.24 am
:: Mood: *shrugs*
Worked a good 5 hours today, not too bad. tomorrow i get to work 7, from 4 to 11. its going to be alright. i had to wash dishes all today. tomorrow im actually bussing the whole time. ill probably end up with some good tip money by the end of the night. there's a few things i need to get. i plan for an excellent weekend this week. i get to spend it with my one and only. i shall make the best of it. just watched american history x again, great movie. lifted weights like a mad man. toning up a bit. i finally get to talk to my dad tomorrow. its ok to call him now that i have a job. i wont get any lectures about anything. im finally paying my way through life by honest, simple, hard work. i never knew dishwashing was such a hard job. no breaks, no sit down time, straight busy work. when im washing, i make around $6.25. but yeah, everything is going pretty well. relationship's having its ups and downs, but things are finally started to look up a lot more. things are so much differant this time around. and everything will be perfect. but anyway, thats my latest news. i get to work all day tomorrow while people are having a "movie party". have fun with that.. later.
Bradley
1 Lover |
Star struck |
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2004 16 December :: 1.49 am
:: Mood: FUCKED UP
IF YOU DONT BELIEVE IN MIRACLES, THEN FUCKING READ THIS.
MY FUCKING GOD! i have got a fucking story to tell here!
Ok, well, i went to meijer to get some soda right? so everythings cool and i leave. i decide to go to McDonalds. so i order and everything, and i notice that the car in front of me has like 4 mexican dudes in it. i thought to myself "man, if i accidently hit their car..i would get my ass beat" (because there was small space to pull forward) so they pay and now its my turn right? so i pull forward counting my money not paying attention and i accidently hit their car. im like "oh god..oh god". so two of them get out all "what the fuck!?" im like shitting my pants at this point. so then im like "fuck im sorry, i didnt mean to blah blah blah" to save my ass. so they get back in the car and pull forward, get their food, and pull off to the side not moving. i was like "uh oh, this isnt good". and the worker there was like "just dont go the way they do". i was like yeah. so i pull forward, get my food, and go to the exit. low and behold, so do they. so now im scared. "4 mexicans following me this is great" so i turn and gun it, as do they. but the thing was, they turned off their headlights. i was like "im so fucked right now its not even funny". so i speed more, as do they. but then i was like fuck this. the next thing i thought to myself was "the only fucking way i could ever get out of this is if somehow they got pulled over for their headlights out". so i keep going sweating and shaking. next thing i know, all i can see in my rearview mirror is the outline of their car in front of red and blue flashing lights. i was like "this cannot be true, this cant be happening, im not this fucking lucky". surely enough, they were getting pulled over for their headlights. the rest of the way home i was like "there is a god, fucking thank you!" im still shaking from this fucking miracle i just witnessed. the fucked up thing was, i predicted every single thing that happened. but i thought i would just share that miracle story with you all. hopefully you're impressed. it was probably by far the most fucked up experience that ive ever had. thank you ladies and gentlemen, and goodnight.
Bradley
6 Lover's |
Star struck |
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2004 14 December :: 2.37 pm
Shit
So set my wooden heart ablaze and send me to my grave.
Fucked up beyond repair
Skin off my wrists I shave
They say that true love never fails, it's never worth the cost
If I can't have you, no one will
They tell me hope is lost
In this lonely room I write
So hidden and forlorn
My ears they hear the Devils cry
He's screaming out for more
Blood drips from my finger tips, and everything goes numb
For my baby, my love, "the one"
It's not over till it's done
I love you more than life itself, I would give anything
Please just tell me that you love me
...It's all I want to hear.
4 Lover's |
Star struck |
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2004 14 December :: 3.18 am
I'm such an asshole. Forgive me please.
2 Lover's |
Star struck |
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2004 13 December :: 9.30 pm
Bradley's got a job ladies and gentlemen. im a busser at Russ'. i start
wednesday. so to all of those who doubted me, there's a big "up yours" right there. but anyway, its a good feeling and now i can pay everyone i owe money to back and finally start living more like an adult. after a little while im going to get a second job. but anyway, just wanted to share the good news.
4 Lover's |
Star struck |
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2004 13 December :: 2.05 am
Fuck, these words fall from my mouth like acid
you're so beautiful and you dont even know it
you run through my mind day and night
life goes so fast, i only hope that i dont pass it
your fingertips, like razor blades
they tear through my skin
so wrecked and tattered
but i hope, falling from this 5 story building
that something breaks my fall
waiting for me down below, there's nothing
just blood splattered canvases
the others, here before me
had nothing to live for
why me?
why am i next in line?
your pretty face leaves scars in the back of my mind
something that will never heal, there for life
if i lose you now, life doesnt go on
from up here, the air is so clear
with the tons of concrete beneath my feet
the leap seems all to easy
with the poison in my blood, point and fire at will
its not hard to be me
sit back and enjoy the show
as you watch, with deep breaths
im back for the encore
five stories below.
fuck...its all over, its done.
no, this is not a suicide threat.
idea's are going through my head and i had to just randomly type up something quick. while the inspirations there, you cant just sit and let it leave. use it, cherish it. it doesnt come easy. im done. god..i dont even want to have replies but i cant stop myself. i really dont want to hear how bad or good it is..but sometimes it helps. i dont want fake opinions.
2 Lover's |
Star struck |
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2004 11 December :: 1.45 am
:: Mood: good
:: Music: Bright Eye's - Saturday as usual
For the brothers
Another beautiful day spent very well. i got to spend the day with my one and only. it was good.
Tomorrow night, saturday, PARTY. nothing huge. guys getting together, watchin movies, halo2, special drinks. all are invited. if you feel so inclined to show up, please do. it shall be fun.
i finally got the chance to talk to my mom and my sister. i talked to my mom for a while, it was nice. we're gonna all get together and spend christmas together. that will be nice. i sat and chatted with my sister for like an hour and a half or so. it was nice to be able to just talk to her, no arguing..just me, and her. person to person. i enjoyed it very much. i dont think we've ever just sat and talked like that. its definately the first time ive ever had an actual conversation with her on the phone.
well, thats about it. see you.
Bradalee
4 Lover's |
Star struck |
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2004 6 December :: 2.55 am
:: Mood: content
:: Music: the used - yesterdays feelings
If you're my friend, READ.
For once in my life, i feel actually grown up. i dont know what it is, but i feel like an adult. after all the months of living on my own with no parents, i feel like i can actually take care of myself. i dont need parents, well i need them, but not in the case to where i need them to take care of me. i do miss my mother very much..i havent seen her in forever. i miss my dad, my little brother, and especially my sister too. i havent seen my sister in so long. it almost feels like i dont really have a family anymore. when i was younger..even a year ago, i always thought i hated my sister and i could easily live without her and not miss her. but now, i really miss her. i never thought i would think it, but i do love my sister. but i guess this happens to about everyone. as you get older.. your sibblings become so much more important to you. its crazy..thinking about all this almost brings tears to my eye's. things are happening so fast.. the more im alone, the more i realize how much i need everyone. i couldnt imagine all this without my friends, i love you all. and people like jay, he's been my best friend for around 4 years now. its all went by so fast. we have so many stories and good times to share. not once in my life have i had someone to share so much with. ive never had someone that ive been so many places and done so many things with. ive done some things with jay that i never would have done with anyone else. a lot of the things may be illegal but thats ok. its all good lesson learning experiences. but i thank him for being there for me and being my best friend through everything.
dont think i forgot about all of you if you're reading this. i appreciate everything ive ever shared with any of you. im looking forward to many more great experiences with my friends for many years. i hope that i can still have most of you years from now. well, thats how i feel..if you're pleased..good. hope to see you all soon. see ya
Bradley
7 Lover's |
Star struck |
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2004 29 November :: 3.08 pm
:: Mood: bored/tired
:: Music: TBS - Bonus Moshpit Pt. 2
Come on say it is
The parties..they've been real, they've been fun...but they havent been real fun. its dulling, less and less people show. but hey, everything's cool. i've hit rock bottom with eating. yesterday i had to bring back like $2.50 worth of pop bottles. i got 2 6 packs of ramen..a meijer 2 liter, and i had to steal the koolaid...I FUCKING STOLE KOOLAID. then later on me and nate went back for some tortilla's and cheese. wouldnt be my first time stealing cheese. anyway, im just chillin here alone at home. nothing to do, no one's online. i turned in 5 aps yesterday..hopefully i can get my ass a job. i need the money. i owe lots of people, i must pay them back. i wish i had something i could sell, but i aint got shit. well, i guess im off to find something to do. later.
Bradalee
8 Lover's |
Star struck |
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2004 25 November :: 10.19 pm
:: Mood: chillin
:: Music: MSI - tornado
you're just like all of the rest
whats up kids? just chillin here at the apartment. kinda bored. halo2 party the other night was kickass. had some fun, drank a little. it was good to see people again. thanksgiving was pretty good. i spent it with stacy and her family. i didnt wanna spend it alone at home so that's where i went. my family isnt big at all and they had other plans so yeah. but shits good. im doing pretty good here, things are picking up. im looking forward to getting a job soon. hoping to have another party soon, so ill talk to nate and give some info hopefully. but other than all that, not much has been going down. i miss you all, hope things are going good. i guess ill be going now, later.
Bradalee
p.s. feel free to show up if you're bored..soon!
1 Lover |
Star struck |
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2004 16 November :: 6.49 pm
:: Mood: Bored Bored Bored
:: Music: Skid Row - Remember Yesterday
Not another rant, it's ok.
Bored as fuck. well, for the past few days i've been stranded here in the apartment. no gas to get anywhere. no money to buy anything..nothing. i just sit my ass on this computer, listen to music and play halo2 and thats about it, oh and i watch lots of movies. wish i had some friends to come visit me. heh, anyway, i figured, its too hard to hold together a band with all the needed members. so now, im looking to start an acoustic band. i think its a pretty good idea. but yeah if you know anyone or you yourself are interested, get a hold of me. i thought it might also be cool to have like a girl sing in it too, that might be rad, but i dont know. just hit me with some idea's people. well, im going to talk to nate probably tonight about having a Halo2 party this weekend. see what he thinks, then ill post it and whoever wants to come can come. we'd set up a few tv's and get some more copies of halo together. but yeah, tell me if you're interested. i'd like it to be like the one's i used to have at my old house. with everyone just killing eachother and having an awesome time. so thats what i think about that. ill catch you all on the flipside..
Bradley
8 Lover's |
Star struck |
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2004 15 November :: 7.12 pm
listen, there's shit i need to say. the shit with jay, its between me and him. i shouldnt have said anything, if i didnt, i wouldnt feel like such a shitty friend. i understand why he's upset with me, i deserve it. but now, everyone is talking shit about me. i dont deserve that. i dont see why there is anyone but jay bringing me down. i know i did some shit i shouldnt have done, and i regret it. but everyone should just keep out of it. now, i dont trust anyone. i cant. if you're my friend and you honestly havent said a thing about me, then maybe i can still be your friend. but otherwise, i want nothing to do with you. i want best friends. i the couple people i had, all i can do is be loyal to them now. if there's even a chance. but i just want to know who my friends are. thats all. and if you are my friend, be happy for me, dont doubt me. my past is nothing more than my past now. gah, im losing my train of thought now...thats all i guess. bye.
3 Lover's |
Star struck |
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2004 11 November :: 12.02 pm
i finally got my license back. now im back on the road. except yesterday my car decided to bite the dust and not start for the whole damn day. but i had someone fix it. hopefully it wasnt a one time fix and it'll stop working again today. i really need to get it looked at and tuned up.
when i look at how everything is right between everyone...i think, wow, if our old selves from at least 2 years ago seen how we are now. they would kick the shit out of us for being so stupid. this group used to be all about friendship, we were the closest group of friends that nothing could split apart. i hate to look and realize how fucked up everything has gotten. one reason as to why things change so much...every year new people just invite themselves into the group. people that most everyone doesnt like, just because one person is friends with them...they're all of the sudden a huge deal in this group. i dont feel as if there is one big group anymore. now its seperate little groups secretly talking bad things about all of the other little groups. then some gang up and attack another group. i was part of what i thought was pretty much the origional group for the most part. a few new additions but thats ok, everyone got along. but now, shits just gotten worse over little things. i feel as though the members in my group(not saying its MY group) dont talk enough about their feelings towards eachother. and im a prime example of that, i fucked up. i know i did, but im doing now everything i can to repair this hole in our friendships. i feel as though the group is so busy talking shit about other people that we dont realize what we're turning into. we're not caring about true feelings, we're just worried about making fun or pissing off other people that really mean nothing to us. i dont want this group to fall apart. the group i consider myself a part of has a select few in it. the other people i accociate with are just friends, nothing more. and i dont want my true friends confused by that. but i know one thing, ive learned my lesson not to say something that shouldnt be said about people i know i dont want to lose. i will never find two more guys friends that i am so much alike. no one will ever compare to them. if i lose them, its my fault as of now. if there's anything i can do to get things normal, i will do it.
but now, im going to leave, think about what ive said. goodbye.
14 Lover's |
Star struck |
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2004 10 November :: 8.23 pm
I'm sorry, please forgive me. Believe me if you could.
6 Lover's |
Star struck |
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2004 4 November :: 11.47 pm
:: Mood: not too bad
:: Music: Skid Row - Remember Yesterday
Great fucking song.
Things are starting to look up people. i guess i just got an offer from Mr. Hazel to live with him. that would be awesome. but i'm gonna talk to him tomorrow and see about all of that. i now have a couple ways i am gonna get the $300 for court. but its gonna take some hard work. its a drag always being completely broke. but i guess im making my own way. in soon time, im going to prove to all of you that i can make it on my own. im not dissing on anyone or anything, but i bet a majority couldnt have gone this long without parents or anyone around for help all the time. i mean, ive had help..but ive had to find it on my own. it has been hard living without parents for so long. but shits getting better. and just for referance...if you're going to say something about what i just said..about no parents and shit..keep your mouth shut because i could really care what you have to say. thats just for anyone who wants to start shit about all that. anyway, saturday im going with nate on a double date kind of thing. going to the mall and out to eat and stuff. that should be fun. its not necessarely a date but some people might consider it that. im thinking this weekend will be pretty fun. but ill see you all tomorrow at the end of the school day, i got some shit to do in the morning in cedar so ill be around. i had this talk with someone earlier, about music and whatnot. i wanna know who agree's with me here.
Skid Row
Motley Crew
L.A. Guns
Guns and Roses
Queensryche
These are a few of the greatest bands in the history of music. tell me if you agree with me here. there's more but, the 80's rock...there's nothing better. all the shit we listen to now, these were most likely inspiration to tons of them. i guess i just feel like causing some music controversy. anyway, tell me what you think. see all of you later.
Bradley
5 Lover's |
Star struck |
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2004 3 November :: 4.21 pm
:: Mood: pretty good
:: Music: Elvis Presley - money hunny
news for all. none of you will be seeing me for a little while. i wont be at school for a week or so. im getting my license back tomorrow. its going to cost me around $300, thats nothing though...it was cut down a lot by the judge. i guess im the first one in the group to actually go to court...with the judge and the whole "all rise" thing. it was messed up. my fee's would have been about a grand, but the judge was nice. but there were people there who were getting in trouble for breaking into cars and vandolizing and shit...they had to pay like $5000. it was a realy wake up call...trashing shit isnt worth it anymore after seeing what they had to go through. but i took my tint off today, now im borrowing the $300 from my aunt because she's the only one who has that kind of money. its either that or jail...and i would go to jail, for a max of 93 days. but anyway, im gonna be staying here at nate's for the time im not around. im gonna be looking for a job so i can repay some debts and get back on my feet. obviously my dad isnt going to give me child support...if he does, cool. if he doesnt, fuck him. so i guess i was just telling you all, if you care, this way no one worries or anything. i havent slept since two nights ago..its terrible. anyway, you all have fun. love you all, goodbye.
Brad
11 Lover's |
Star struck |
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2004 3 November :: 2.06 am
*sigh* well, things are pretty messed up. being homeless is starting to take its toll on me. tomorrow i have to go to court at 8:30 in the morning. im here at nate's, he's my ride. im hoping i get my license back tomorrow. i get to live in my car for a while, at least till i find a job or something. yesterday, i picked up a few necessities like deoderant and whatnot. i couldnt buy it so yeah....i figured since i need it theres only one way to get it; stupid meijer.
im losing friends, im losing more than i thought i'd ever lose. its not bad enough that i have all this shit going on...i need friend drama. i just dont want to deal with any of it. i cant really trust many people anymore...so many people are spreading rumors and trying to ruin more shit for me now. gah, oh well. im sick of whining. goodbye
6 Lover's |
Star struck |
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