:: 2005 22 October :: 1.52 pm

How Could This Happen To ME

I open my eyes
I try to see but I’m blinded by the white light
I can’t remember how
I can’t remember why
I’m lying here tonight

And I can’t stand the pain
And I can’t make it go away
No I can’t stand the pain

How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

Everybody’s screaming
I try to make a sound but no one hears me
I’m slipping off the edge
I’m hanging by a thread
I wanna start this over again

So I try to hold onto a time when nothing mattered
And I can’t explain what happened
And I can’t erase the things that I’ve done
No I can’t

How could this happen to me
I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream
How could this happen to me

I made my mistakes
I’ve got no where to run
The night goes on
As I’m fading away
I’m sick of this life
I just wanna scream

How could this happen to me

12 <3 | Love

:: 2005 20 October :: 3.19 pm

Great. Great. Great.


Isn't everything always wonderful? Life is just so... great?

15 <3 | Love

:: 2005 19 October :: 11.26 am

He's really gone this time.

If he wasn't, it wouldn't hurt this bad.

10 <3 | Love

:: 2005 18 October :: 6.04 pm
:: Mood: listless

Okay, So as if last night wasn't bad enough for me. God does this:

In school today this BITCH was just ..... omg. yeah ash. I said it omg. She was talking so much ... bullshit about me like 2 feet away. As if i couldn't hear her. I turn around and say something like hey grow up and do this on your own time. I turn around *this was in the gym* and she threw a basketball at the back of my head.

BITCH!!!

So i was going to the principals office because i cussed her out and the teacher sent me there and i was like ya know... The lunch bell just rang im going home. Got here. Hung out for a bit. Calmed myself down, when my mom and brother come home. I was like "WTF?"

*He's supposed to be gone* and brandon was crying, you can tell my mom had been crying and I was laying there like.. uhh hey brandon, what are you doing here and my mom said that "Granny", my childhood grandma pretty much died this morning. I was really, really fighting tears on this one. Right then and there i stopped talking, faced the wall, and i wanted to scream. I didnt even know what to say to that. My mom took my brother to the showing thats why he hasnt left yet. He is taking a later flight which means my mom will have to drive him to lansing tomorrow to catch it. THe funeral is tomorrow. It makes me so mad, everyone called her granny, except me. To me she was my gramma. I was her punkin. I hate this. I really, hate it all. My brother called me about 10 minutes ago crying his heart and soul out to me. Then we were this big, crying mess and my god. THings change so fast. I just saw her maybe a month ago. SHe was doing so great. I cant finish.

4 <3 | Love

:: 2005 17 October :: 7.47 pm
:: Mood: sad

WHAT





THE




F***??????????????????

4 <3 | Love

:: 2005 17 October :: 4.39 pm
:: Mood: happy

Love is a b-e-a-utiful thing!!!
I was cleaning out my room today, and I found a letter that i wrote to dan over a year ago. It confesses everything. I remember writing it. I was sitting in my yard, he had just left. It was an oc night i think. Im not sure. But i remember the feelings that I had when i was writing them. I was so close to giving it to him then and there, but for some reason, it didnt feel right. I knew he was currently with someone else, and I would have done anything for the kid. The LAST thing i wanted to do was ruin a relationship that seemed to make him so happy. Like a week later they werent together. I cant remember who it was, but it was done. I was going to give it to him then...

But I didn't.

I got scared. I was scared to ruin a friendship that was worth more than my feelings. Especially if they werent mutual. I found out that they were, but I was in no condition to chance the only thing that meant something in my life.

I truly can not picture me without him.I don't know what I would do. I don't know what. What. He knows me so well.When I think deeply like this, I realize, this is only the beginning of something wonderful. The day i met him, I knew i was interested but at the time I couldnt do anything to change our friendship..
We've helped each other through so much bullshit, so and so hurt me, so and so hurt him, and we delt with it. We were there for each other like best friends are. We had fun together. We shared secrets together. He's cried to me, I'v cried to him.
>>> Fate somehow lead us to get to know eachother and the more i got to know him, the more i fell for him and the more I fell for him, the more i wanted to let him know that i was falling more and more for him each day..
Now he's mine. He's my greatest accomplishment. The only thing i'v ever really worked for in my life. I know 20 years from now we'll be together. When he says it, He has a sparkle in his eye that says "hey, I love you".
He tolerates and loves me no matter what and I will always do the same. He's my blessing from above. I'm especially thankful I feel him with me when we're apart and I can feel him in my dreams*


*sigh*

To You: from the moment i saw you, i knew that you would change my life forever. But i never knew that the way you would impact me...would be such a big deal you are all i can think about. The words you say are treasured, and the even the words that you say to others find a way back to me and make an impression. *Your name is forever printed in my heart. No matter what hardship I face, i know that you will always be right there beside me. You will have your arms wide open to catch me when i fall, you will have an extra shoulder for me to have when i need it the most. but most of all, when i reach out to you...you are there. Your charm takes my heart at the sight of you because even the sight of you will make my day go from terrible, to incredible... I cant describe what i feel when I'm with you........all i know that this feeling,
Is the best feeling in the world

I love being in love. *x*o*x*o*

6 <3 | Love

:: 2005 15 October :: 5.27 pm
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: Fix You

3 <3 | Love

:: 2005 13 October :: 7.36 pm

Why are you acting like this? Sometimes life isnt fair, sometimes you dont always get what you want, and sweetie

the world doesnt revolve around you .

So get your ass off your high horse and start living down here on a level we like to call

Reality

4 <3 | Love

:: 2005 10 October :: 9.00 pm

BeautifulBrie17: dude we just established that
RoxySurfBabe1892: no we haven't
RoxySurfBabe1892: theres strawberry poptarts and there is also strawberry milkshake popstarts. Theres a difference.
BeautifulBrie17: my bad dogg.
RoxySurfBabe1892: Lol so you haven't had the strawberry milkshake ones?
BeautifulBrie17: yes i have. i just said that i have
RoxySurfBabe1892: But you were talking about the regular strawberry ones
RoxySurfBabe1892: jeez
BeautifulBrie17: but i thought you were talking about the sameone
RoxySurfBabe1892: no
BeautifulBrie17: i was not
BeautifulBrie17: the strawberry milkshake poptarts
RoxySurfBabe1892: lol
RoxySurfBabe1892: im lost
RoxySurfBabe1892: so you have had both of the strawberry poptarts. got it.


Oh man~

10 <3 | Love

:: 2005 10 October :: 6.43 pm
:: Mood: drained
:: Music: Heres to the night

9 <3 | Love