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2005 3 August :: 8.37 am
I never knew that words meant so much. The way you throw them together, you made last night perfect.
Gah your so perfect!!!
Love |
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2005 2 August :: 2.32 pm
MY BEST EFFING FRIEND IS GETTING MARRIED!!!
Just so that's out. It feels GREAT to be home, like unbelivable. I missed it so much. Last night was...Memorable
I love Dan!
Love |
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2005 1 August :: 1.46 am
:: Mood: effing frustrated...GOSH
GAH
UUUUUUUGGGGGGHHHH
I just want to be done with stupid people. I just cleared my last mess up and I told myself that I wouldn't put myself in a situation for anyone to be upset with me! But I can't keep covering for her. Everything she does is A LIE! Its like everything out of her mouth is a lie and I , I am the one who always needs to back it up. Now, its me who's the one in trouble. Because I lied for her. Not in trouble with anybody, except myself. I worry about her so much. I love her, shes like my effing sister. I'd do just about anything for her. But its so stressful and its more than i can handle sometimes. I go out of my way to make her life easier. And what do I get out of it??
Of course, when i didnt think it would happen, I GET LIED TO!! So here I am, at her house, with another friend. And we are just... so confused about what the hell shes trying to pull. It just makes so sense. So I'm doing the only thing i can think of and trying to confront her, and shes ignoring every one of my phone calls. I can understand why. Oh yeah its because I couldnt lie for her. #2 came over and asked where she was. I was on the phone with her and he took it. Then later to find out, shes not even where she told me she was going to be! I was supposed to go hang out with them but they told me they were going to this guys house and i really dont like him so i stayed here. But they didnt even go there!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
I just want a real friend. One that i can trust. And for once, a FRIEND that i can actually rely on.
Notice i said friend. Because i have a reliant. And its dan so no getting upset dan.
I need sleep.
5 <3 |
Love |
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2005 30 July :: 2.58 pm
I feel lower than the lowest person on earth. I apologize for being the way I am. Im sorry. I mess up alot of things. My deepest apologies.
Sincerely.
4 <3 |
Love |
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2005 29 July :: 12.08 am
Yet another great day.
I wake up this morning to None other than Dan kissing me. I'll admit its kinda creepy. Im suprised my first instinct wasnt slugging him in the face because like I just said, its creepy. But from what I'm told i puckered right up and kissed back. It was the gesture that counted. It was very sweet. To wake up in the morning and just have the one you love right there next to you. It was an over-whelming experience.
Then we get my happy butt outta bed and Kevin, Jordan, and Pavlak are waking Amy up. Kevin made waffles and they were delicious. Ever Notice how food tends to taste better when somebody else cooks it for you? Ooh the advantages of not being able to cook!!! After "brunch", Jordan and Joey and I went Kiaking....(SP)??? We were all waiting to see who the first one would tip and OF COURSE it would have been me ... why wouldn't it be me?? After that I showered while Amy went on a date. Dan came over for a bit the the whole amy situation... too much to discuss but anyways - Dan left for like 10 mins and came back with a beautiful, long stemmed rose. It was just amazing. " I have the sweetest boyfriend". No i really do. He's amazing. Wouldn't trade him for the world!!
Then we went to Meijer and seen Psycho #2. That was interesting to say the least. We tried on sunglasses and Dan drove the cool car. It over all was a good day...
Yeah.... its pretty good.
Im incredibly blessed. Friends, Family, Dan. Its all....great.
Night.
3 <3 |
Love |
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2005 27 July :: 11.34 am
Im at amys grandmas for the next week and a half. We are "housesitting". The only reason we are here is to feed the cat but hey... its a good time!
I thought yeserDAY was perfect. But last night... amazing. He never stops amazing me. *sigh*... practicly perfect in every way. :) Its like yesterday he was breathing to make me happy. He really makes me feel like im... the most important thing in his world at that exact moment. He is a great singer ;)... i'll just leave everything at that.
So i've got my 4th letter from steve as of yesterday. Hes doing alright just so everybody knows. Im writing him back in a couple of days if anyone wants me to say hi to him for ya just let me know.
BRIANNA
6 <3 |
Love |
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2005 26 July :: 6.03 pm
Hey y'all. Its been a while. Some parts were rather rough because somebody cant keep their nose out of mine and dans relationship but we worked through everything just like we always do. We fight, maybe more then usual but thats because we love each other. Our arguements are usually about decisions we make that could be wrong. We do it because we care. Since we had our "talk" everything has been...bliss. Perfect. Everything is starting to fall into place now. Just today :
" I'll love you until the day that i die" and he had this look in his eye like, wow your amazing. It was the kinda look that just made me go weak in the knees and my stomach felt as if there were hundreds of butterflies swarming around in there. Just to top it off, the last 3 days were...unbelievable. Hes ...everything and more than i could ever imagine and the best part of all is hes all mine. No more being influenced by other dumb people who have no lives who want nothing more but to screw with other people who are perfectly happy. Thats what really bugs me. I thought we were close!!!! but once again ive been proven wrong. I knew i shouldnt have trusted you...but you seemed so nice and i realize it is now because you wanted to get closer to him that me. Not even the point. the point is... I love him and he loves me and... we are very happy! And we are NOT sacraficing anything!!!
Buh bye
4 <3 |
Love |
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2005 26 July :: 5.44 pm
Love |
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2005 9 July :: 2.39 am
Yeah, its like 2:45 in the morning... i know this. But theres nothing really to do at kevins so ehh why not right? There hasnt been much of anything in my life. Im actually not on here to complain, or even vent. Im very content with my life.
But its kinda scary. I think ... i know i have a very low self esteem causing me to feel sick to my stomach yesterday causing me not to be hungry. Now my tummy is going to shrivel up if i dont eat something really fast.
Things with dan... Im slowly letting my guard down. He wants to prove it to me im more then willing. :) hes been so.... perfect really. No controlling, no argueing, and best of all, NO CRYING! its great. Well im very tired and im off to bed
I loooooooove yyyyyyyyyyyyyyOOOOOOOOOOOOuuuuuuuuuu
** ITS OUR ANNIVERSARY TODAY**... well not technically but hey if i get a nice date out of it then im not complaining!! *winks*
Love |
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2005 13 June :: 4.54 pm
Thats it. The cold words you said became too strong.
Thats it apologies cant save you now. Youve lost me, the best friend youve had.
Its hard to turn your back on the one thing that you thought you could depend on. And its even harder to tell him that i want nothing to do with him. Thats not what i want. At all. I just.. I want to be happy, and in order to live my life and be happy and smile again i need him. That was the only thing that kept me going and now that i completely shut the door on that its like...what do you live for now? He kept me breathing. And excuses. The excuses are getting alittle pathetic. WHen you love someone, as much as he preaches to me that he does.. *NOTHING* should get in the way of that. Absolutely nothing. Ive bent over backwards for this kid and his feelings and his wants and desires. and what did i get out of it? This unrealistic heartbreak. Its like theres sharp objects stabbing into me slowly and the pain is just unreal. I know he can go on without me and he thinks that im doing fine without him. He has no idea that im hurting. Everybody calls me stupid for still holding on but... its like . He has a hold on me. He does something to me that nobody else has or even could. Everything. Ugh everything weve been through was a lie. Him wanting to get back together him not wanting to get back together. Its all.. Fake. And that breaks my heart to realize that. I guess i just dont understand him. I guess he just doesnt understand what i would have done for him.
I need to get out of this place.
2 <3 |
Love |
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