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...Gravity Claiming All Your Tears...

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:: 2004 7 November :: 3.37pm
:: Mood: angry
:: Music: juliana theory - if i told you this was killing me , would you stop ?

if it makes you feel good , do it .

We need to talk about it


:: 2004 23 October :: 12.15am
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: dashboard confessional - hands down

so it is fair for me to say FUCK YOU because to me , it's still your song ? i hate that you can't change the past because i'll never know how different things would be now if things didn't go the way they did . somehow my mind starts drifting around mid-december to a time i wish i couldn't remember but somehow can never seem to forget . therefore ... FUCK YOU . because to me , it's still your song .

1 Silence is not the way | We need to talk about it


:: 2004 10 October :: 10.31pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: beatles - maxwell's silver hammer


The simple fact is, in order to be happy:


Yep. Isn't that aggravating? You can't blame it on anyone else, and no one else can do a thing for you. You've just got to decide to be happy, whether or not your logical mind thinks it is rational to be happy and whether or not your moral sense thinks you deserve to be happy. You absolutely will not be happy for any length of time until you decide to, and if you decide to, you can be happy in the face of the most miserable circumstances.

Happy deciding.


We need to talk about it


:: 2004 16 September :: 10.22pm
:: Mood: embarrassed
:: Music: andy c.

susanis a winner (10:07:41 PM): i like smoking pot after sx
susanis a winner (10:07:43 PM): *sex
susanis a winner (10:07:47 PM): it's the best thing in the world
susanis a winner (10:07:49 PM): mmm
ruthann561 (10:07:54 PM): what?
ruthann561 (10:08:26 PM): umm... wrong im?
susanis a winner (10:08:31 PM): hahahahaha
susanis a winner (10:08:32 PM): oh my god
ruthann561 (10:08:34 PM): please?
susanis a winner (10:08:34 PM): i wish i was dead
ruthann561 (10:09:29 PM): first of all, i dont need to know about ur sex preferences... second of all, i really dont need to know u still smoke pot after this summer.... but thanks anyway... (although i am here for you should u want to talk about it)
susanis a winner (10:10:34 PM): okay
susanis a winner (10:10:38 PM): this conversation is very over
susanis a winner (10:10:42 PM): it was a very big mistake
susanis a winner (10:10:50 PM): haha don't go tell mom
susanis a winner (10:13:58 PM): damn
susanis a winner (10:14:04 PM): and we never talk online either
susanis a winner (10:14:56 PM): um
ruthann561 (10:14:59 PM): hah... imagine if this happened more often
susanis a winner (10:15:01 PM): so are you just not going to answer ?
susanis a winner (10:15:07 PM): oh phew
susanis a winner (10:15:08 PM): oh man
susanis a winner (10:15:09 PM): listen
susanis a winner (10:15:15 PM): that was a terrible mistake that we never need to discuss

OH MY GOD I WISH I WAS DEAD . if only you knew my sister and you would understand the TRUE NATURE of this horrible incident .

1 Silence is not the way | We need to talk about it


:: 2004 11 September :: 1.42pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: alicia keys - if i ain't got you

so it all boils down to the four magical m's and i guess that's all i really need to make me happy ...

"some people want it all , but i don't want nothing at all if it ain't you . some people want diamond rings . some just want everything , but everything means nothing if i ain't got you . "

1 Silence is not the way | We need to talk about it


:: 2004 10 September :: 12.05am
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: maroon 5 - sunday morning

" ... but things just get so crazy , living life gets hard to do ... "

she told me i live my life as if there were a big suitcase on the floor , only i don't know what's inside and i'm afraid there may be something in there i don't like , so i leave it lying there and just step over it everytime i come across it , ignoring what's inside . and she said to me , " you have to open that suitcase . you have to face reality ."

We need to talk about it


:: 2004 26 August :: 8.48pm
:: Mood: excited
:: Music: family guy

susanis a winner (8:40:17 PM): oh man
susanis a winner (8:40:20 PM): if you think you love me now
susanis a winner (8:40:25 PM): just wait until sunday rolls around .
--------- (8:40:30 PM): rolls!
--------- (8:40:32 PM): on sunday!
susanis a winner (8:40:33 PM): no no no
--------- (8:40:36 PM): woo!
susanis a winner (8:40:39 PM): that has nothing to do with this
susanis a winner (8:40:40 PM): hahaha

1 Silence is not the way | We need to talk about it


:: 2004 8 August :: 5.37pm
:: Mood: indifferent
:: Music: counting crows ft. vanessa carlton - big yellow taxi

it's like a silent retaliation . an answer to the questions you're yelling at me ... only you'll never hear it , just like you never hear my responses , whether they're said calmly or furiously or frustrated or beautiful and silent . so take this , plus the two from last night , and ignore them because you'll never understand . and forget that i sat and smiled even though you didn't call me down when the guests of honor arrived , and forget that i have barely left the house . notice , instead , that i'm watching television . ask me why the sudden change , although it's neither sudden nor a huge change ; if anything , a return to what used to be . describe to me my value in the fewest amount of words possible . encourage my artistic side . shoot down with filthy words my latest journals or visions of the future . dirty the purest thing i have with your selfish , inconsiderate , rude , unnecessary comments ... i can take it . just leave me the two things i have because it's all i need , and next time you see me comfortable on the couch , be sure to take into account everything i said today , if you ever do take the time to listen .

We need to talk about it


:: 2004 8 August :: 4.31am
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: norah jones - don't know why

when you called today , it made me so happy . you're all i see ... everything around you is a blur . you're all i can focus on .

We need to talk about it


:: 2004 27 July :: 9.47pm
:: Mood: disappointed
:: Music: joss stone - the chokin' kind

sometimes some things make you unsure about whether the little things tell everything or don't really tell anything at all ... and sometimes you just don't know which way you'd prefer it to be . lo mas dificil es estar peleando para quedarte donde estas y estar feliz con lo que ya tienes pero la gente que tienes te manda mas y mas lejos con cada dia y al mismo tiempo tienes el otro lado jalandote con toda fuerzo y mil llamadas pa' ya. y para que pelear si aya es mejor en todos los sentidos ? cuando estoy aqui me quiero irme y cuando estoy aya no quiero ni pensar en lo que me esta esperando aqui . las razones se quitan una por una y todas las aciones de ellos despruevan todo lo que estoy usando para convencerme que aqui hay algo con que quedarme ... por mi , lo tengo todo decidido , pero por ellos no ... pero al fin , por quien es que voy a vivir mi vida ?

2 Silence is not the way | We need to talk about it


:: 2004 16 June :: 7.18pm

blah.. finally cut my friends list down, getting rid of the people who didn't pay to keep their journals and the people who i have not talked to in over a year. Its funny, it seems as if the only two people who still regularly write in their journals are Lauren and Amanda.

i need college to be here now :0/

6 Silence is not the way | We need to talk about it


:: 2004 7 June :: 5.49pm
:: Mood: amazed !
:: Music: ed rush and optical with skibadee and shabba - live at one nation

man ... if this isn't paradise i don't know what is ... free vegetables and incredibly cheap coca-cola ? all i need now is my amazing boyfriend and a few of my best friends and i'd never leave ... but as it is , even cheap medicine is not enough to keep me away from them . too bad , too . haha <3

We need to talk about it


:: 2004 31 May :: 2.58pm

its funny how time and time again everything repeats itself.

i leave August 17th.

i still feel as if there are some holes that need patching up. things shouldn't ever be left this long unresolved... really, thats how you lose the people that you care about the most.

to end an old life, to start a new.

We need to talk about it


:: 2004 25 May :: 12.11pm
:: Mood: eating
:: Music: ludacris - game got switched

asexualityrocks (11:50:12 AM): i love manny
asexualityrocks (11:50:16 AM): like all of my friends are in love with him asexualityrocks (11:50:17 AM): and i love it

susanis a winner (11:50:33 AM): haha we always have like the same conversation .

asexualityrocks (11:50:45 AM): i know!!!

susanis a winner (11:50:56 AM): it's like "Hey what's up ?" "rolling a blunt" "smoke it with me !" "come up here , you guys can stay in my room " "alright , we'll come up tomorrow"

asexualityrocks (11:51:02 AM): its like: susan: So manny pot pot pot ?? and manny: SUSAN! Pot pot pot pot !!
asexualityrocks (11:51:27 AM): susan: pot is so amazing!! manny: What are you saying? i'm too high to understand you

We need to talk about it


:: 2004 24 May :: 1.49am
:: Mood: bored
:: Music: shuffle on my winamp playlist

Instructions :

Step One : Put all your MP3s on your winamp playlist , press shuffle , and record the first few lines of the first twenty songs .

Step Two : Find better things to do so you can stop doing fucking stupid online journal shit .

1. 586 - So , so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell ? Blue skies from pain ?

2. 629 - I saw an old man on a street . He was in a dumpster looking for something to eat .

3. 249 - Good morning , sunshine . Awake when the sun hits the sky .

4. 266 - All alone in a broken world . Finding a new place to start .

5. 529 - Para bailar la bamba , para bailar la bamba se necesito un poca de gracia .

6 . 301 - It's yet to be determined , but the air is thick , and my hope is feeling warm .

7. 656 - There is a steel train coming through . I would take it if i could .

8. 407 - So what's the point ? To stay away ? It hurts the same .

9. 146 - Oh , as I sit under this weeping willow tree , pain and sorrow is all I feel .

10. 420 ! - When you have no light to guide you , and no one to walk beside you , I will come to you , ohh , come to you .

11. 583 - Oh I'm so glad , you know , they've all just gone home , cause finally we're here alone at last .

12. 237 - It began in Africa-ca-ca-ca-ca . It began in Africa-ca-ca-ca-ca.

13. 704 - Con unas ancias locas quiero verte hoy . Espero eso momento en que escuche tu voz .

14. 735 - Niggas ain't fuckin with this , originalis . Beats ain't bangin like this .

15. 531 - Turn it inside out so I can see the part of you that's drifting over me .

16. 865 - Do you believe ?

17. 218 - Saw it on the television . Heard it on the radio . This , in truth , is not yet the end .

18. 128 - And here's to you , Mrs. Robinson . Jesus loves you more than you will know . Oh-oh-oh .

19. 459 - Let me be patient . Let me be kind . Make me unselfish , without being blind .

20. 12 - Chelsea , baby , let's run away to some third world country .

1 Silence is not the way | We need to talk about it

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