I stopped taking my allergy medicine because we didn't have cats any more, but ever since I started babysitting I've been dying. I need to start taking my medicine again but I keep forgetting to and therefore I die every single day.
Apparently we're getting the cat that they have, as well, because they can't take it with them for some reason. Therefore, medicine startes full time again. I'm excited about having another cat though, and it's a cool cat. It's name is Sadie, which I don't exactly like, but it's too late to change it now. It's a tortise shell cat, which is what Roxy (late cat) was, so that actually really depresses me, but Sadie has more white than Roxy did.
Aaaaaanyway. I'm cold. Ashley's here.... again. I love her to death, but omfg. I'm used to the house by myself. She won't let me turn on any lights and she just curls up on the couch with blankets and doesn't clean up after herself = me hiring Slayer to take care of this mess.

I have my Biology final tonight. I'm so fucking worried about it too. I also have my English final, but fuck that shit, I have to get up and play a song, and say why I chose it, and why it's "special" to me. Gag. I did think it would be amusing if I did "Rose" by Westlife, and learned the little hand motion thing from Napoleon Dynamite. That would have fucking cracked me up. However, I did not. Unfortunately.... shit, the more I think about it, the more I want too though, so I might change this, and do it afterall.

We're supposed to get some more tonados and shit, which is just fucking grand. We got lucky the first time and didn't get anything more than a shit ton of rain, some hail, and some crazy wind that killed a few trees in the back yard. We got way lucky imho. Far too many people I know lost their houses and a few lost their lives, and that's effing scary. I'm pretty much done with storms, so they can just go away now plz. kthx.

I will be so happy when this week is over with. I'm way too tired, and I need to sleep in but I can't. At least not until finals are over and I'm done babysitting, and that won't be over with until either Thursday or Friday morning, depending on if Adam (the father) gets Friday off.

I feel like something in my life is off... some small little piece, or even a large part. I don't know, it's very disconcerting though.
Honestly, I could just be psyching myself out about going to Michigan. I always do this. I did it with Karl... I did it when I was going to start school at Ferris, when I was going to move up after Christmas. I just... I'm scared. And that's hard for me to admit because I don't like to admit weakness, but honestly I am scared to death. I'm scared that anything and everything can go wrong, and I'm not going to go into details because there are far too many.
It's not that I don't think myself ready for this; I love Kelly and I am ready to start my life with him. I'm tired of being away from him, it's hard too hard and it's thoroughly depressing.
However, I am scared to leave here. This is the only place I've ever known. All of my family is here, and as much as we fight, we're close. Ashley is my best friend and as ready as I am to leave, I don't want to leave her. Or Taylor, or Trevor, or my dad or even my psychotic, bipolar mother. Or my grandparents. I mean, I will, obviously, I love Kelly too much to back out of this, but... I just hope he understands how hard this is for me. It's not that I'm wanting outright awe and praise, I just want him to understand that it's not that I'm reluctant to be with him, I'm simply reluctant to leave all of my family and friends behind. People who have been with me through everything.
I kind of feel like he's moving on and I'm getting stuck behind. I'm not convinced it's anything he's doing per say, but he and pJ and Mandie are moving out, getting an apartment, getting furniture and appliances and stuff, and I'm not there to help out and pick stuff out, and be excited about it. I want to be there. I want to be a part of it, but because I'm not there I'm not. We're living two completely seperate lives and that fact is really getting to me lately. I'm not sure there's anything anyone can do about it either; I just have to live with it. Only it's not really something I'm comfortable living with, but I don't see a way around it.
All of my friends are getting married, moving in together, planning their lives, and I'm not. I'm here and though I have a boyfriend, I don't get to hear his voice every night, feel his touch, and just be with him. It's hard to be happy for any reason when that weighs on my mind so often.
I know it's coming, I'll be up there this summer for awhile, and then either he'll come here for Christmas or I'll go up there if we have the money, which fortunately we do always seem to find a way, and then another semester and I'll be done with school and up there.
Confusingly, it's just as exciting to think about as it is daunting.

Happiness!
I used to have this pretty intense affair with the computer in which I am currently on at school because it had Windows Live Messenger on it. I basically wanted to hump it like crazy.
However, I have now ended the affair because it never works anymore. It refuses to let me on WLM and for that I am very disappointed in it. Therefore, Meebo is my friend again during my time at school. I guess I should have always loved Meebo, because it is always there for me. It was there for me during high school... it's here for me now... Pretty damn good thing imo.

Anyway, I have the following shit to get done:
Study.

Yeah, that's about it. I have a take home final to complete for Personal Finance this weekend, a final for english and biology on Tuesday, and then the remainder of my final for literature on Wednesday. After that, I am effing done with this place until next fall.
I don't know if I'm going to get my 4.0 gpa, however, because I kind of slacked off in my finance class. It was ridiculous time consuming work and at the time I was just like "omg eff this." Now I'm kind of regretting that. Hopefully I do AMAZINGLY well on the final, I mean, I do have my book for it and everything, so that really shouldn't be an issue.
Keep your fingers crossed for me on that one. kthx.

Other than that, I've talked to Kelly and I'm ecstatic about that shit. I love him. He is like the funniest man I've ever known, along with the cutest, and sweetest. Plus... he's got quite possibly the cutest ass ever. Just sayin...

Apparently he, pJ, and Slayer are planning on moving out next weekend. I wish I was there to get settled in the place with them. I'm actually really upset about that. Like.... REALLY. I want to just up and move now, but I don't have a car or the money to do such a daring deed. However, if I were to rob a bank, I would so do it. I would be like "eff my stuff" and just leave all my amazing books and movies (huge parts of my life fyi) and just cram as many clothes in my suitcases as humanly possible, jump on a plane and be fucking GONE.
Enter reality... probably not happening. Plus, I want Kell to meet my family. It's far beyond time he does that. They're not the greatest in the world, but they're part of me and an astronomical part of my life. As much as I complain about them, I love them all. Plus, I enjoyed meeting his family more than he'll ever know. They treated me wonderfully and I love all of them as though they were my own. I even love the hell out of Gus and I'm not even a dog person. It's craziness what love can do to you. But oh how I love him =]

I miss him...
Holy fuck. I've been gone for approximately 37 years, which sucks, and I'm not really slowing down too much in the next week. Like, we had a garage sale this week, along with some huge projects to get done for school and mom was home all week so that just made it busier because she's like crazy.
Anyway, this week I have the whole babysitting deal as previously mentioned, so I'll be gone like during the nights, but I should be home during the day and I can talk to Kelly while he's at work if he aint too busy.
I honestly feel like a sack of shit for just like up and vanishing. Like... I don't know, I don't think he would be mad at me, but it probably bothers him. If we swapped roles and he had been really busy and never gotten on to talk to me, I would be seriously bummed out. I don't know though, maybe he's been really busy as well. I don't even know what his life has been like lately, which makes me feel worse.
I just ... I don't know, I can't wait for this nonsense to be done with and he and I together permanently.
Seriously, if I'm sad and depressed I just think of him and it usually makes me feel better, and I love that. I love just thinking of dumb little things we say to each other like him mouthing me about the Hooka Lounge chick. Or like the time he had this ridiculously huge sugar craving and we went to the grocery store and bought junk food. He bought me gummy worms and they were like old and tough so he gave me his Life Saver gummies... You just have to love a man who's willing to share his gummies.
I just fucking love him.
I love you, Kelly, and I hope you know how much I miss you, and how much it kills me when we don't get to talk.

Mandie mentioned Michigan was her home... I want that. I want to be with Kelly and feel like I'm home.
I need that.
Hell, I deserve that, and so does Kelly.
The more we see each other, the harder this becomes. I know we'll get through it, we've been through too much not too, but I'm more than ready for it to be over with.
I need him for good; I need hugs when I'm feeling down, and kisses just because, and I need his arms around me as I sleep, and I know I'm being unforgivably sappy, but I don't even care. I'm pretty sure there's at least one person who understands what I'm going through, and that's all that matters.

fucking unacceptable.
*horrified face*

http://www.aboutcolonblank.com/pics/2340567141_ae4c7769c0_b.jpg


Anyway, I've been doing homework all day and I'll be doing homework all night. Here's the list I have to accomplish:
(By tomorrow night)
+Write a 5 page report on The Trail of Tears.
+Finish a Power Point and make connections between The Wire Road, Jesse James, Bloody Bill Anderson, The Pony Express, The Trail of Tears, weapons, and Missouri.
+Some bs worksheets for Biology.
(By Wednesday)
+Read an entire book
+Write a report about the book, and explain how it can help me in my life.
+Complete a 10 page take home test (not as easy as it sounds, no matter that I can use my book. That shit is hard.)
+Do some fun fun book work.
+Study up on Hamlet
(By Thursday)
+Another take home test
+More bs worksheets
+A three page report on Malaria

...yeah. I fucking hate school. I hate when finals are coming up and instead of giving us a list of what we need to study for, they tack on more things to throw on the test.
I just want to curl up and die.

Shit.
I've realized that for some reason I talk/write like I'm 12 years old and that's probably really fucking annoying. I don't know why I've not been murdered for it yet.
I swear I'm not as retarded as I make myself sound.

Anyway, for reasons unknown I'm really just pissed off. Like, I would fucking kill a punching bag right now. It's pretty weird, usually I don't get really mad, like I'm not an angry person. I don't think so anyway. I get frustrated, yeah, who the fuck doesn't? Whatever, I might be persieved as angry, who knows; I don't really concern myself with how people view me anymore, to be honest. There are certain people that I want to like me, but for the most part I've decided I don't give a shit. It's too hard to go out of your way to make sure everyone likes you.

So, this family I go to church with is moving to Texas because of a job transfer/promotion and on May 4-8 Kim, the mother, is going to be gone to get things fixed up at their new house or whatever, so they asked if I would mind coming over after my classes and stay the night and then get the kids up and ready for school and stuff Monday through Thursday because Adam, the dad, goes to work at like 3 in the morning. So, I agreed to do it. I'm going to be at their house from like 10:00-8:00 each day, I'm only dealing with the kids for about an hour, and the rest of the time I'm like sleeping, and I'm getting 50 bucks a day = fucking sweetness.
There's Brandon who's like... 11 maybe, Josh - 8 and Bethany - 5 or 6.
The only thing that's worrisome is that I think the kids are evil satan worshipers. Seriously. Especially Bethany. She terrifies me.
Plus I'll be alone with Adam sometimes and he just creeps me out.
Whatever though, being scared of them is so worth $200.