The tragedy of a track marked beauty queen.


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Well if you wanted honesty, that's all you had to say.

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:: 2004 26 April :: 6.58 pm
:: Mood: itchy.
:: Music: G-G-G-G-G Unit..talking about Gerard of course.

another worthless survey for another bored emo internet freak.
Whats with you?
Your name:::Shannon
Name you wish you had:::I like my name.
Age you wish you were:::old enough to drive.
Number of sibling:::1.
Number of siblings you'd like:::2 or 3.
Your Opinions
Is there anyone you're better than:::a few people, not being conceited.
What kind of person do you consider yourself:::nice.
What do you enjoy doing most during a regular day:::brushing my teeth in the morning.
Who do you find most beautiful:::Alexander.
On a scale of 1 to 10, how sane are you, 1 being most sane:::7..I know some who would beg to differ.
How do you view the rest of the world:::society is dying with each breath we take.
How does the rest of the world view you:::nice.
what controversal topic do you feel most strong about:::abortion.
What is heaven to you:::Alex's arms..and legs.
This or That
Life or death:Life.
Pain or ecstasy:depends.
Tears or laughter:both.
Solitude or Company:depends.
Night or Day:day.
Storm or Sunshine:both.
Cuts or Bruises:cuts.
Cloths or nudity:clothes.
Honesty or secrets:that's a toughie.
Humility or Criticism:criticism.
Dark or light:dark.
Frail or strong:frail..strong..whichever you prefer.
Gentle or rough:gentle.
Eccentric or normal:eccentric.
Dreamer or realist:hah.
Why not the random things
Where is your happy place:::see "What is heaven to you."
who makes you happiest:::Alex.
Who makes you some others.
Worst moment in your life:::something to do with my mom.
Best moment in your life:::something to do with Alex..and bed..wait, that hasn't happened yet. damn.
Most farfetched life goal:::whoa, Miss, hold a stranger's hand in Central Park.
What do you try hardest to do:::make happiness.
What bad habit do you catch yourself doing most often:::crying.
What irritates you most:::people.
do you believe in true love?:yes.

Just to get you thinking... brought to you by BZOINK!

save the empire!

:: 2004 25 April :: 11.24 am
:: Mood: chipper
:: Music: My Chem :)

in the words of Gerard, 'Rock, Fuck, Kill.'
Friday was one of the best nights of my life. the MCR and A7x show was seriously the best show I have ever been to..ever. it was also the hardest. and I've come to the conclusion that I like hard concerts better better better than emo ones. the crowd was pushy for Brand New and Dashboard, but mainly because it was sold out ya know? this show was definately not sold out, but it was pretttty rough. it was so great. ya know those people, boys or girls, who sometimes annoy you at concerts because theyre so completely zoned out in love with the band that theyre freaking out singing every word can't stop moving stepping on your feet dancing and jumping around all at the same time? yea well I was one of those people during MCR. and I've decided I like those people. Gerard was so effing amazing. Alex even said he was better than Davey. and I'm saying he's better than Lacey. if that doesnt tell you something, I don't know what will. they were so great. they played a couple of their new songs, I loved them. I can not wait until it comes out. THREE CHEERS FOR SWEET REVENGE. and then I can't wait till they go on tour, HEADLINING. oh boy oh boy oh boy. he was so cool, he did these cute little poses that I thought were just the hottest things ever. oh yea and we met him!! before they went on. and when they did go on, we were like, riiiiiight up front, there was like, 2 people in front of us, and Alex is behind me screaming, sounding just like him, and Gerard acknowledged him. it was soooooo awesome. I wanted to cry. yea, I hugged him three times. the first time I couldn't let go of him. I was so happy. after that I couldn't stop shaking. and dude, I have never moved so much at a concert. I was so into it. for Moments in Grace we styaed upstairs mostly. and then we went searching for Gerard, and found him, takled to him for about 10 minutes, then went to the MCR merch, met Mikey (sooooo hot), then met Ray and talked to him for about 10 minutes. :) we met 3 members!! then we went on the floor for Funeral for a Friend. and after that we got right up front for MCR, and styaed there. :) then we went up, got something to drink, then back down for Avenged Sevenfold. they were amazing also. I was next to this old fat guy, who knew every single word to every single was so funny. and I guess he like, knows the band or somehitng because the lead singer dedicated their last song to "Bryan who's all the way from California" and he pointed at the fat guy and I looked up at him (the fat guy) and he just looked at me, and smiled and nodded. it was so..cute. alright, I could ya know, go on and on and on about about sexy Gerard is and how much I love him, but I have to go get ready for mine and Rachel's walk. we are walking from her house to Jerimiah's Icys :) (to lose weight then gain it again) and then to my house (to lose that weight.) I don't think the whole weight loss thing workds that way, but it's something to do. so farewell for now.

p.s. the greatest lovers were murderers first.
p.p.s. I love Alex more than Gerard, but I love Gerard a lot. ;)

1 damned the man. | save the empire!

:: 2004 18 April :: 8.58 pm
:: Mood: nausious.
:: Music: the red ones make me FLY.

some people are so stupid..haahah.
Which person comes to mind
best-friend:Fabs, Alex.
enemy:I don't really have one in particular..people in general just bug me.
love interest:Alexxxx.
person you talk to when you're down:Alex, or Rachel.
person you try to avoid:Clint.
person you haven't spoken to in a long time:um, Laura.
person that makes you made:if you're trying to say "mad", then um, Bretty and Mish Mish..(yea, I love how it's my best friends' boyfriends.)
someone you think is stupid:Bretty.
a celebrity you wish u could meet:hm, I think I'd choose..Jesse Lacey..he's a celebrity to me.
person that cheers u up:Alex, or Fabs if they're in a good mood.
person who hates u:don't ask me.
teacher that pisses u off:Mrs. Wagoner..well, right now at least..just because our show is Thursday.
person that pisses u off the most:you. and you. oh yea, you over there. yea and I hate you too. um, you, go die.
person u wish u could spend more time with:I spend an ample amount of time with everyone..everyone consisting of Rachel Jennah and

People brought to you by BZOINK!

save the empire!

:: 2004 18 April :: 1.26 pm
:: Mood: I don't really know.
:: Music: My Chemical Romance..<3

I have the best boyfriend ever.
this weekend has been really fun. on Friday, Rach, Jennah, and I went shopping at the altamonte mall, or at least I did. my mom picked us up around 730 and took us to the oveido mall, for the, for but of course he was being an asshole, like always, so we stalked Sock Kid. Miss Donna and Mr. Steve picked us up around 930, we went to Taco Bell, then to Jennah's, and then back to my house where we just..hung out..yea so then it was Mishel's turn to be an asshole. god, these boys. anyways, we slept, cat woke us up in the middle of the night, Jennah's phone woke us up in the morning. ehh. she left. Rach and I ate and..hung out. she left. I picked up Alex and we went to FYE for...MCR and AVENGED SEVENFOLD TICKETS!! :) :) this made me extremely happy. then I went over to Alex's..we hung out, watched the Fifth Element. then went to Winter Park Village to see Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. holy whoa, it was awesome. it is seriously up there with Empire Records. in the beginning, Jim Carrey reminded me of Conor Oberst. and as they show the relationship parts, it reminded me of me and Alex. minus the parts where she's totally going off on him, because we're not that bad. but yea, it was a great great great movie. it's kind of hard to follow, but that's one of the reason I liked it so much. anyways, if you get a chance, definately go see it.

alright guys, 5 days. 5 days until I see Gerard Way. my countdown has begun. :)

and I love Alex.

save the empire!

:: 2004 13 April :: 5.54 pm
:: Mood: sad
:: Music: something corporate, obviously.

This is what I've missed, what I've missed..
Bad Day
It's been a bad day
Another bad day and all I want to do
Is look at you and know I'm okay..
From where Iím sittin', these shoes ain't fittin',
And I'm walking backwards, looking down
Don't see the sky I see the ground
Above, below, you look and so you wonder
Where the time has gone of looking up
Tomorrow's on the way..
Above, below, you look and so you say
When I wake up in the morning
Is it gonna be another lonely day?

If I Die
Tailgates, long talks
And your superficial friends
Shiny, silver Fords
that lead us to dead ends,
And I said, "Do you lick these salty wounds
that you, yourself condone?"
I sit, wait, and I am all alone.
But I can't go home
Cause you're my home..
And if I die
So you won't be so close to me,
And I won't be the one who sticks around..
If I'm awake,
So you won't go to sleep, I promise,
And I won't be the one who lets you down.
No, I won't let you down,
No, I won't let you down.

Straw Dog
Staring into the intersection,
She thinks that she can fly and she might.
Holding on in a new direction,
She's gonna try it tonight.
The closer I get to feeling,
the further that I'm feeling from alright.

The more I step into the sun,
the more I step out of the light.
Jessica is covered in a blanket,
On a sunday porch.
Thinking of the weekends,
She would party in the city.
She doesn't have a flame,
She'd prefer to burn out like a torch
If she gets nowhere in life,
At least she knows she's pretty.

She says,
Hey now The straw dog's out in the street.
Hey now there's chemicals in the clouds.
Hey now they're calling all the police,
But they wont get to us anyhow.

Walking By
And these nights I get high just from breathing.
When I lie here with you, I'm sure that I'm real,
Like that firework over the freeway..
I could stay here all day, but that's not how you feel.
So why do you leave these questions unanswered?
The circus awaits and you're already gone,
my cheshire cat doorstop with fear in your smile..
What makes it so easy for you to be, walking by?
And what did I do that you can't seem to want me?
And why do we lie here and whisper goodbyes?
And where can I go that your pictures won't haunt me?
What makes it so easy for you to be, walking by?
Walking by.
Walking by..

You're Gone
Taking steps back through the words I should've said to you.
They all got lost, you went away..
Well I feel sick and, you just don't care anymore, anymore.
Hours to be with you..
Minutes of me in you..
And I cant feel this happening.
So tie my hands back, and make me feel you coming down.
I'm coming down.
And you don't care..
Your face is on a billboard,
And you're everywhere.
You don't care much for interviews.
You're gone, you're gone, you're gone, you're gone,
You're gone, you're gone, you're gone, you've gone, away..
If you don't like being hurt then please don't stay.

Constantine (live version.)
I can't imagine all the people that you know,
And the places that you go,
When the lights are turned down low.
And I don't understand all the things you've seen,
But I'm slipping in between
You and your big...dreams.
It's always you
In my big dreams.

And you tell me that it's over..
I wake up lying in a patch of four leaf clovers..
And your restless, and I'm naked.
You gotta get out,
You can't stand to see me shaking.
Could you let me go?
I didn't think so.

And you don't wanna be here in the future,
So you say the present's just a pleasent interruption to the past.
And you don't wanna look much closer,
Cause you're afraid to find out all this hope
You had sent into the sky by now had crashed.
And it did
Because of me..

And then you bring me home ,
because you're afraid to find out that you're alone, oh.
And I'm sleeping in your living room,
But we don't have much room to live.

I had these dreams, in them I learned to play guitar,
Maybe cross the country,
Become a rock star..
And there was hope in me that I could take you there.
But dammit you're so young,
Well I don't think I care.
And if I hurt you
Then I'm sorry.
It's just this guilt has got the best of me..

Then you bring me home,
Cause we both know what it's like to be alone, oh.
And I'm dreaming in your living room
But we don't have much room to live.

And Konstantine is walking down the stairs
Doesn't she look good,
Standing in her underwear?
And I was thinking,
What I was thinking..
We've been drinking and it doesn't get me anywhere..

My Konstantine came walking down the stairs,
And all that I could do is touch her long, blonde, hair.
And I've been thinking,
It hurts me thinking that these nights
When we were drinking, no they never got us anywhere,

This is because I can spell confusion with a 'k',
It's hard to like it,
It's to dying in another's arms and why I had to try it.
It's to Jimmy Eat World and those nights in my car,
When the first star you see, may not be a star.
I'm not your star..
Isn't that what you said?
What you thought this song meant?

And if this is what it takes,
Just to lie with my mistakes..
And live with what I did to you,
All the hell I put you through..
I always catch the clock,
It's 11:11,
And now you want to talk.
It's not hard to dream,
You'll always be my Konstantine..

They'll never hurt you like I do.
No, they'll never hurt you like I do,
No, no, no no no no no no.

This is to a girl who got into my head
With all the pretty things she did,
Hey, you know,
You keep me up in bed.
This is to a girl who got into my head
With all these fucked up things I did..
Hey, maybe,
You could keep me up in bed,
My Konstantine..
You spin around me like a dream, we played out on this movie screen..
And I said,
Did you know I missed you?
Did you know I missed you?
Did you know I missed you?
Did you know I missed you?
Did you know I missed you?
Did you know I missed you?
Did you know I missed you?
Oh god I miss you..

And then you bring me home,
And we'll go to sleep, but this time, not alone, no, no.
And you'll kiss me in your living room,
Oh, ya see, I know
That I've been missing in my living room.
Cause it's all you, yea this is what I've missed, what I've missed..
We don't have much room
I said, does anybody need that room?
Cause we all need a little bit of room,
To live..

My Konstantine

save the empire!

:: 2004 12 April :: 5.54 pm
:: Mood: kind of upset..diappointed?
:: Music: all kinds of things.

Glowing Me Choking You.
yea so I'm kind of disappointed. I wanted to go to the library today, but apparently Alex nor my dad did. so oh well. I got my homework done in like, 45 minutes, whereas at the library I probably wouldn't have gotten it all. so I'm looking to that as the "bright side."

"do you miss it?"
"yea, I miss mom's homemade cookies, throwing the football around with dad on sundays..oh wait, that's someone else's childhood."
haha, that's such a..such a movie, ya know? no, ya don't. because I don't even know what I'm talking about. such an idiot. I'm having an "I hate the world" day. there are few people right now that I don't hate, such as Alex, Fabs..yea. I'm tired, maybe that's it. or maybe it's because I started my day off by going to the dentist..and having 3 corny flavors forced into my mouth all within 45 minutes of each other. not fun..never fun. at least I didn't have to go to spanish. I hate Mrs. Velazquez..yea, it's definately a good thing I didn't go to spanish on a day like this. not like this is one of the worst days of my life because believe me, it doesn't even come close. it was just like every other day that I hate. alright, this entry has been extremely teenage and self centered. I'm leaving.

save the empire!

:: 2004 11 April :: 1.37 pm

Last Cigarette::xxx
Last Alcoholic Drink::xxx
Last Car Ride::last night.
Last Kiss::yesterday. :)
Last Good Cry::this past Wednesday. :(
Last Library Book checked out::the Bipolar one.
Last Movie Seen in Theatres::don't remember..
Last Book Read::I'm currently reading 'Nothing Feels Good: Punk Rock, Teenagers, and Emo; by Andy Greenwald'
Last Movie Rented::'They'..hahah "what do you think was going through his mind?" "a bullet."
Last Cuss Word Uttered::probably fuck.
Last Beverage Drank::I'm drinking a coke.
Last Food Consumed::M&M's.
Last Crush::Alex.
Last Phone Call::I'm on the phone with Alex.
Last TV Show Watched::Headbanger's Ball.
Last Time Showered::yesterday.
Last Shoes Worn::$3 flip-flops!
Last CD Played::Bright Eyes-Lifted or the Story in the Soil, Keep Your Ear to the Ground
Last Item Bought::Bubble gum chapstick
Last Download::Sunday Drive-10!
Last Annoyance::Alex saying "you hate me."
Last Disappointment::let's not go there.
Last Soda Drank::coca-cola, baby.
Last Thing Written::poetry-wise? um, a week or so ago.
Last Key Used::house key?
Last Word Spoken::"fabulous".
Last Sleep::um, last ngiht? or..this morning?
Last IM::Jennah.
Last Sexual Fantasy::last night. ;)
Last Weird Encounter::dfiljglifdflxdjl. right there.
Last Ice Cream Eaten::don't remember.
Last Time Amused::I amuse myself all the freakin time..but last night, Mishel's cell phone was like, the amusement god.
Last Time Wanting To Die::see 'Last Good Cry'.
Last Time In Love::I'm in love right now. :)
Last Time Hugged::this morning.
Last Time Scolded::I don't think I've been scolded all really, I don't know. :)
Last Time Resentful::this past Thursday.
Last Chair Sat In::sitting in one right now.
Last Lipstick Used::I wear chapstick.
Last Underwear Worn::wearing underwear right now..purple string bikini. :)
Last Bra Worn::wearing a bra right now.
Last Shirt Worn::wearing my home-made SBE shirt..that I wore yesterday and slept in..geez, I feel like Rachel.
Last Webpage Visited::besides here? woohu.

"Last" Survey brought to you by BZOINK!

save the empire!

:: 2004 11 April :: 11.45 am
:: Mood: easter-ish.
:: Music: To Love and Be Loved..(not the question my friends, the goal.)

it's easter! :)
easter to many people means Jesus resurrecting..or something like that. to others, it means family and chocolate. yea, I'll leave it at that. so I've had a reallly great birthday weekend. on thursday, (April birthday) I walked to Starbucks with Alex Jennah Patrick Davis and Jesse. then my dad came (in the bronco) and picked Alex Jennah and me up, took us home, and we found my Auntie Pattie, Uncle Dave, and cousins Jessi Sammy and Billy waiting for us. the Rach came over. so we all hung out, blah blah blah, friends and family and food, ya know, the good things in life. it was a nice birthday. presents were good, music, shirts, money, the works. but I think the best (the best) was the photo album Alex made..:) it's so pretty and us and pretty and perfect. thank you beautiful :). then on Friday, my dad took us all (family I'm talking about)to Lil 500..hhahahaha, go cart racing! I didn't spin out once! I was so proud of myself..but I did get into a biiiiiig accident with Billy..that of which left me sporting a bruise on my left bottom upper thigh..yea, right where my ass is..meaning I can feel it when I sit, especially on something hard. so it didn't help much that we went to Hooters right afterwards where I sat on a wooden stool. lol. anyways, at least the girls were hot..Nen should have been there with me. ;) yea so Friday night the whole fam-damn-ly was over. or at least the ones who live in Florida. I don't think we've had so many people in our house since 2 Thanksgivings ago..or maybe the Valentine's party from the 7th grade..I don't remember. to get it right, there was 16 people. that's not even half my family. but it was fun..more food, more presents, more money. yay. it was also the Soares' last night. the next morning they left. it wasn't so bad considering we'll be seeing them again in June. so I went to Alex's, they got a new puppy, she's adorable, it makes me want a dog. we just hung out, didn't really do anything, we never have to do anything actually because we have fun no matter what. but he had to leave at 4, so my mom picked me up at 345 and we went to FYE, where I exchanged a Bright Eyes cd for..a Bright Eyes we went to Target, where I got a black cami, a black skirt, temporary flip flops, those really hot boy shorts..and some other shit to spoil myself. :) so we get home around like, 6..then Rach's sister picks me up and Rach Mishel and I go to the mall. yes, I accompanied Rachel and Mishel on a date! they're so cute together, they make me smile out the ying yang..'cept when they fight. that bugs me. but I'm sure there are tens of thousands of millions of things that Alex and I do that bug the whole freakin world, so I'm not complaining. :) anywho, I got a Funeral For A Friend cd..they did have the old Every Time I Die cd, which I'm dying for..but I needed chapstick so I couldn't spend all my money on it..and also, I'm going to be seeing FFAF with MCR and A7X in less than 2 weeks so I figured I ought to know more than 2 songs of theirs, right? right. I'll get the ETID cd soon..soon..yea so then my beast came out..and I took Mishel's phone and just started calling random people and hanging up, probably before they even answered..I did this soo stealthily and discreetly, that it looked like I was just playing snake or something..mwahaha. and I'm so smart that I went through and erased the 15 or so numbers that I called..hahaha. I so crack myself up. so, yea, I got home, watched Headbangers Ball till midnight because Atreyu and Bleeding Through were on. then I woke up this morning and read Bright Eyes lyrics..I love Conor. :) alright, I guess I'll go..spend time with my mom because it's easter..or something stupid like that.


save the empire!

:: 2004 7 April :: 8.40 pm
:: Mood: good but kinda whiny.
:: Music: nothing.

I changed my mind, I don't feel good; I don't feel like writing.

3 damned the man. | save the empire!

:: 2004 6 April :: 5.43 pm
:: Mood: sad and jealous and ick.

did you ever see that one person?
I had a bad day. it didn't really seem like it, and it wasn't reallllly bad..I just realllllly didn't like it. it's mine and Alex's 10 month anniversary..I forgot. I'd like to say that I had too much on my mind, and I do, I just don't know what all of it is. yea. think. I don't feel good.
on a good note, the Aerosmith+Cheap Trick concert was great..fab-u-lous. Cheap Trick is the shit..and Steven Tyler is the sexiest 50something year old man my eyes have ever encountered. that, my friends, was rock and fucking roll.
I'm extremely exhausted. there's so much to being a teenager that there isn't really anything. I love From Autumn to Ashes. too bad I can't see them with my favorite band ever, right? so here's a list of things of why I'm jealous.
I am jealous of Alex and Caitlin because they get to go to the Every Time I Die show at the Social tomorrow night.
I am jealous of my cousins, Jessi, Sammi, and Billy (and Auntie Patti and Uncle Dave for that matter) because they're at Disney right now, where everything is happy and make believe.
I am jealous of Erin, Alex, and Mark because they get to drive to Tampa to see Atreyu and FATA.
I am jealous of every girl who is able to be friends with who they want without them kissing her.
I am jealous of Vicki because she's so intelligent and organized with everything from her highlighters to her patients to her daughter.
I am jealous of people who are rich and use immense amounts of money on worthless shit, liek trash cans.
I am jealous of my cats, who sleep and eat and have fun all day.
I am jealous of people who do shit in school, but still pass with a 3.0.

okay, I'll shut up. I hope whoever reads this just kind of, skipped over that..kinda stupid huh? let's see the things that make me, smile. yea, smile. nevermind. I'm gonna go.

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