uhh
Well, Im doomed. But I think that I have made my decision. I'm not going to move back to Oklahoma. You have NO idea how hard I fought to stay there. But I failed. So now I have to suffer. So therefore, Im not going to move back. I've given up. and thats something to say, since I dont usually give up on anything. I mean, my friends are mad at me now, my mum is telling me all these aweful stories about her and my real dad and his family. Maybe I'll tell you one in my entries sometime. anyway, I better go to school. big day today. a day filled with watching other people have lives, me being silent, and trying not to be too pathetic. Obviously i'm not trying to hard at the moment, eh? heh, *sighs* whatever, I gotta go. later journal.

*sniff sniff*
Aw, this song almost makes me cry. but not quite. Sure sends a tingle up my spine tho.

(8)If I should stay, well i wont only be in your way. and so I'll go and yet I'll know that I think of you each step of the way. and I will always love you. bitter sweet memories, i guess thats all i'll be taking with me. Goodbye, oh please dont cry. cuz we both know that Im not what you need. but I will always love you.(8)

*sniff sniff* *hugs an invisible person* oh, invisible person. your my only friend in the world. *cries silently*

oh, what an interesting thought.
*does one of them thar spainish dances*
hahah...spainish.

anyway, I really hope I find that necklace soon. And whoever finds it will bring it to me and I would say "ahh! how did you find it?" and they would stare at me and say "how did I not find it?"
and then I would say "what does that mean?" and then grab the necklace and run away.

Anyway, *sigh* Im glad I dont have to hide my anger anymore because..*jumps for joy* it doesnt exsist anymore!! Woo! But I'm still a fat ugly S.O.B.!! and Im sure the rest of the peoples agree with me on this. Even if they dont say it.

What kind of werewolf would I be if I lived in a cave on intergalactic wombats? *ponders*

whatever
*sigh* man, I dunno what to do anymore. If the thing I think is happening, actually IS happening. Then I think there's not much else to do besides drift through the rest of life like lousy crap. But then again, thats only a little bit worse than what I was doing before all this. before being thrown the lies, the false promises. heh, more like I'M the pathetic one. listen to me, all complaining because a few people dont want to be around me or even know me anymore. It's not like its the first time. You'd think I'd be well used to it by now. But I guess, not in this case. and here i thought that my new appearance wouldnt change what a few of my friends thought about me. heh, indeed how stupid I was...and am. cuz I'm still searching for an escape route, still wishing on the stars, still hoping for one last chance. "Waiting to live, waiting to die, waiting for an absolution...that would never come"

um..whatever
Hey, today was a good day. This one girl wants me to bring my book of shadows but *whispers* i dont want to.
anyway, green butterflys are very green...just thought I'd share that. *does the happy dance* Lol, can you tell Im angry but im just holding in with well-practiced self-control? no? well guess what... *shouts angrily* I AM!!!!!!. *crosses arms* *points at random people* I hate you and you and y-wait..your cool...and I hate you and you and you. *kicks computer* well later "people". I say "people" because nobody but air and maybe casper *freakin* reads this *freakin* journal. The forces of evil and ku-something has moved against me but thats not exactly what im mad about. But i do hate it. so....yeah....later "peoples" *gives flip off sign*

*anime smile* sorry about not being myself today but i guess im not anymore. *sticks tongue out* Ya ruined me...ya happy now? I bet you are. I bet your sitting there with your eyes glued to your screen with a wide grin on your face thinking "how pathetic"
well Im gonna play some temple of Ap-shi. forget you guys. *resumes playing videogames with a completely cheerful expression*

wow
*grabs box of tissues* ahem *uses them to wipe tears away* I think I'll be doing this all night. Sorry, it's just so hard for me to get over things. especially this. I wasnt entirely prepared for it. I wish there was something i could do about it. but like lord graydon(mentioned in last entry)i feel hopeless, powerless, hurt, tricked.
I dont even know WHY im posting this up here. its not anyones gonna read it.

*sigh*...whatever
ok, so. I know that nobody ever reads this so I'm going to use it for my own amusement. It may be kindof long but nobody reads this so guess what! it doesnt matter! hah!
It's a paragraph from a story:
Graydon ascended the stairs slowly, ignoring the hot ache of his muscles as he made his way into the room where Lilt lay. The smell of blood greeted him as he walked through the doors--Lily's blood. The housekeeper was removing a bowl filled with it from the stand beside the bed. Dr. Patterson finished tying the wound he had opened to bleed her, and looked up. Beside him, Lily lay pale and still, save for the gasping, laborious rise and fall of her chest as her body struggled for air as if she were drowning.
"She's not making the progress I had hoped," Dr. Patterson said quietly, standing. "I'm afraid we must prepare for the worst. Her family should be notified at once."
Graydon felt heavy, everything surrounding him seemed to darken. "How long?"
"She's very weak. Perhaps by nightfall. Perhaps by tomorrow morning. It's difficult to know. I'll send a nurse to tend her, unless you wish me to stay?"
"No. No one. I'll stay with her."
"But, my lord . . ."
Graydon had already crossed the room to stand beside the bed. "Leave us," he said. "All of you." He didn't even glance at the servants in the room.
He stood a long time after they'd gone, gazing down at her, listening to her labored breaths.
"Lily," he whispered. "You must live. You must. I'll do anything." He slowly knelt beside the bed. "You see? I'll beg God not to take you. Listen." And then he prayed, his words incoherent and muddled even to his own ears, desperate and headlong. He knew it didn't make any sense, but surely God would understand what he meant. Surely he would.
He pressed his face against the mattress and curled his fists into the bedcovers, feeling a sudden and complete hopelessness. He couldn't begin to think of what to do.

Dude!
Dude! none of my friends comment on my journal anymore. :( so what now? should I just stop posting in here then? It's bad enough i was forced to leave but now you guys wanna leave me? :(

Ya'll don't even talk to me online anymore. I had a dream about you guys. It was where you all(even Kujo, i think) were on one side of a river and I was on the other side and every time I wasnt looking, you guys were pointing and laughing at me. Then when i was watching you, you guys looked like you were having so much fun and i wanted to be over there so badly that i swam across the river. When I got there, you guys ignored me. Except for Shelby, who gave me dirty looks and mean comments. So i decided to go back over on my side of the lake. When I did, i looked back and you guys were all begging me to come back but i knew better. i didnt go back.

sad dream :( I hope it doesnt mean any of it is true.

I am strangely amused
I found this a 'getting to know u' question on bolt.com and i thought it was funny.

who do you....?

want: uhh
hate: nobody
admire: hmm..lots of ppl
feel sorry for: hmm
secretly have a crush on: secretly? hah!
want to kiss before u die: kurosh
wish you had never lost: did i lose someone?
miss being with: duh..
think about 24/7: kurosh

well...Im off
Hello everypeoples. Well, I shall be leavind in a few minutes and I must bid thee farewell. So...farewell. btw, Why doesnt anyone comment on my journal anymore?! I feel so alone *sad face* How could such a thing occur? *cries out* noooooo!

Midnight Dance
*in the middle of a large ballroom, sprawled out on a black marble cusioned throne* * looking around the room. the walls are lined with torches emiting green flames.* *sighs, watching the couples dance in the green light* hmm *looks at the silver-winged hawk perched beside the throne.* *Runs a finger along the Hawk's back, as it shifts and ruffles its feathers* *keeps a perfectly solumn face, but fails to stop a single tear from escaping*

im cold. brrr
Ello all and welcome to my little chunck of woohu enternet mass....called Norrath. At the moment, I am visiting Northern Felwithe, a high-elven city. Really clean, this place. crystal clear river running through it. No rats. This place can be considered as heaven compared to Queynos. The people are very nice...also very clean. Lots of potion and magick shopps here. Anyway, I shall depart to finish my *strictly classified* buisiness with the elven king and Queen. farewell.