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Wizened Auld Man

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:: 2018 5 August :: 10.43pm

even though she still feels haunted





:: 2018 3 August :: 10.20pm

it's has always been this way

and to many people i'll always be the same

a broken record of broken thoughts but really I have been going to work regularly for 8 years with a corporation I loathe and in a career I despise but hey at least it pays my debts? it could be worse or course.

after my most recent break down I decided to have a better attitude it's lasted a month or so, but I'm slipping. I start working from home on Monday so I think that'll help ease the pain that comes with being a cog in the corporate murser machine.

at least I know insurany helps more people than it hurts. I mean nothing is perfect and no one will always be 100% satified but how many people could truly replace all the shit that is lost when you lose it all? I mean I guess it sucks if you never have to use it, but think about it like paying it forward in a really big way.

maybe I'm brainwashed but I tell myself these things so I can sleep at night.

I should adopt a cause. but in the face of these insurmountable obstacles I can't even pick a place to begin.

I just need some direction please. just a little would help



:: 2018 2 August :: 12.14pm

Having an anxiety attack... I was thinking I should probably tell someone. Maybe get in-touch with my counselor or tell him or her or her... But I don't want to freak anyone out, or bother anyone. I'm not really sure what to say anyways.

I feel 100% overwhelmed by life right now. I'm doing 'nothing' but the stress of the decisions and the moves I need to make ahead of me are completely immobilizing. I am anxious because I seriously feel my depression coming on again. I want to tell him but he always says he has so much he has to do and I don't want to make his life harder. I also feel like he judges me. He doesn't know why I can't just be happy. Let's see...

I have no money.
I live at home with people who are constantly judging me.
I need a job but I can't find one nor do I really want to work but I need to.
I need to make a career choice that could influence the rest of my life and I don't know what I want to do and I don't know what the best decision is.
I feel like he doesn't really love me because he is so focused on his own life and doesn't care about being part of mine really.
Friends aren't really invested anymore. They don't ever contact me

My depression comes in cycles where I feel wonderful and then just don't. I feel like I'm going a little off the rails. I don't know how to handle it anymore. I feel like I'm going insane.

4 Disagreed | Disagree?


:: 2018 31 July :: 9.40am

this smoke doe

like it's normal for the world to burn every summer

like the world isn't warming up


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