There is blood on these chains.
Broken fangs of the wolf strewn.
Half an ear and pacing nowhere.
Split lips grinning, unbearable.

Still right here, holding breaking ground.


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Black Eye [Automatic]

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:: 2005 14 December :: 11.07 am
:: Mood: sleepy
:: Music: 10 Years - Cast It Out

Just Woke Up?

I don't now. Havn't felt the need to update.
Just been lazy and not wanting to write.
Actually... havn't had the desire to write...
anything at all... for like the past couple months...
O_o;; Sucks.

Anyway. Random update.
About a dream.
Sort of.

First part... I dunno. Was back at my old highschool.
Me 'n Matt get into my friend Adam's brother's car.
"The Beast" ... it's a cool car. I can't describe it at the
moment though. Anyway. Matt somehow has the keys
and starts it up. But it drives odd and he ends up scratching
the paint and shit. So he's like.. "Oh shit, Emil is going
to kill me!" And takes off. I don't know why. I tell Emil,
since he is sitting outside the school with a bunch of his
friends. And they all take off after Matt. XD Lmao. Woke up
at that point. Fell back asleep.

Second dream.

Don't know what school I was at. Or what really was going on.
Me and a friend. I think it was Matt again, or someone. Can't
recall clearly at the moment. =/ ... All I remember is that
there was this classroom down one hall, in this alcove away
from others. And that's apparently where they kept kids that
went crazy and stuff. ... Before I got there though, me and whomever
were looking around for Dai. And we found Mary so I asked where
the hell Dai was. She said Dai had flipped out; gone crazy or something and was put in that class room. So me 'n whomever
book it over there. Starin' in through the window. Kids are seated like in a normal class. The one guy Dai is sitting next to reminds me of this guy David I used to know. So I get his attention and he eventually gets Dai's attention. Random hand motions and moving lips. And then school ends. Me 'n whomever go into the room; I think it was Matt at this point. I start to ask Dai why she was in there, and Matt's like "All right! Grab her! We're bustin' out of here!" XD ... And I was like "No! We can't." And the teacher lady came up and said that in order to get someone out or anything we needed a written consent of a parent that the kid could live with who ever. So... I was like... "Fine. My mom'll say yes. I'll be back." .. So I hug Dai and me 'n Matt start to leave. And I wake up. ...... O_o;;;; Pretty randomly odd dream.

So yep. That's it for todays random fuckin' update.

Scratch the stones?

:: 2005 4 December :: 11.14 pm
:: Mood: restless
:: Music: Mudvayne - Patient Mental

Havn't really had anything important to update this thing about in a while now. Hm. Don't even know if I still have anything important to go on about. Since there is like... what maybe two people that read this? I think. I don't know. XD ...

It's sort of pointless repeating things that have been said, ect ect. But this is more of a space to let my thoughts run since I've had time to think or something.


First off all I want to get this off my head.

Christmas time. Bleh. Every year since dad married Robyn, they've gone over to Robyn's sisters house Christmas day. I usually have to go to that. I don't see any of her family much the rest of the year because I don't fit in with them. And they are a pretty close family, always doing shit together. Let me see.. there is...

Justin and Sonya. (Justin is pretty cool. He likes to snowboard.)
Mike and ____ whatsherface I forgot. Lol.
Deloris and George.

And then the three babies.

Add Robyn, my sister, and my dad.

That's a lot of people!

Since I don't see them often I don't want to expect gifts from them. I'm already unstable on the subject of recieving things from people. I don't like getting gifts. Because I either can't or don't give back. I knows its Christmas and they probably consider me a little bit family but still.. I don't spend enough time with 'em to get anything. So this year I'm not going to go. And I'm not accepting anything from them. Though I can't seem to bring up the courage to tell my dad and step mom this decision. Oh well....

Blah blah blah. I just want a relaxed christmas this year.
I'm thinking of just staying at my moms. Waiting to see my dad.
I don't know why.


In other news.

..So Dai's calls me up one night. Completely trashed I might add. I wasn't feeling too happy that day. But when I saw the name on my cellphone I smiled. To say the least that entire conversation was fucking funny. It made my day.

When she first said that she wanted to come spend christmas up here I was like holyshitnofuckingwayomfg. Then I was like wait.. waitwait. She's been drinking! And then that was beat down once I realized she was serious.

I'm still sitting here... shocked, for lack of a better word. I always thought it would be me going there, and a few years later. But apparently her sister said she'd buy her a ticket or somethin'. And I'm like.. O_O;; Eeee!!!

OH so fucking excited at the mere thought of her coming here to visit retarded 'ol me.

So I hope her mom's not a cunt and lets her come visit. I'm reallyreallyreallyreally hoping she can.

Cause I need a big hug. :)


Scratch the stones?

:: 2005 16 November :: 5.08 pm
:: Music: My Dying Bride: She Is The Dark

The Words Flow In Rivers Of Confusion...

Another entry for the day. In case you feel like reading some poetry.
I wrote these. They almost seem to be subtle echoes of each other.



Scratch the stones?

:: 2005 16 November :: 4.13 pm
:: Mood: annoyed
:: Music: Taproot: Lost In The Woods

The Structure Slowly Unravels
[ A nice friend wanted me to start a new journal so she could read what I had to write. I don't know why. I started one. Livejournal. Bleh. ... Whatever. I'll still be posting here though! I'll just take the entries I write and copy and paste'em. Why you ask? 'Cause I had a journal here first; for another friend. And I ain't just stoppin' for no damn good reason. Dai. <3 ]


Nov. 15th, 2005 | 08:14 pm
mood: confused
music: Guano Apes: Break The Line

Entry #001 Status: Online
Uplink Status: Nanotechnology filtering through cerbral passages...
System Control Status: %99.7
Upload Progress: %0.001


Random input. Mind disheveled and sectioned into fragments.
It's easier to drift silently through the days this way.
All these emotions and feelings suddenly crashing down my walls.
If I don't keep areas of myself locked away I'm afraid I cannot function.
The world scares me. I do not wish to be here. But here I am.
And my being here means I have to do something. I cannot sit idly by.
Nor can I terminate my current existance. My options are few.
I do not know where to find comfort. I do not know how to lament unto others.
I cannot tell you everything that plagues me. The obvious surface errors are there.
But I cannot breathe if I try to swim too far down.
Is it possible to suffocate one's self with himself?
I am in need of a complete recalibration of self. I do not know how to do this.
There are things I must accomplish. I have goals. But I cannot seem grasp motion.
It is hard to make myself stand and move to get these things done.
They need to be done. They need completion. Why am I unable to?


Upload Progress: %76.9 - Error in Transmission
System Status: Restarting...


...Hope \\ Less...
Nov. 16th, 2005 | 04:11 pm
mood: apathetic
music: Rammstein: Laichzeit


I don't know why. I've always just wanted to complain.
About this particular subject since it was brought to my attention; again.
About people whom make journals; and empty theirs heads in them.
This is pretty much what a journal is for in my opinion.
You jot down what's troubling you. Anything at all.
All these people get worked up over somethings. Like other's.
Lets say; the extremely "emotional" or depressed.
Sometimes one's only option is to spit it all out into text.
And behind their back's; though sometimes not other's ridicule 'em.
For fuck's sake. Who cares if you can make the entry private or not?
Maybe these kids post their torment so other's may read...
...And perhaps jot down a helpful note? They don't spill their lives
onto meaningless textual pages for other's to read for nothing you know.
But anyway. I think I might sound a bit unorganized. Oh well.
A journal is a journal. Anything at all can be thrown into one.
Who cares if it's made public? You don't have to thrown down ont the matters
going on in someone else's life. Fuckers. =D


I almost forgot what I was going to make an entry about.
But I recall now. My dilema. *Sigh.* ...
Finding a job is so tedious and annoying. Not to mention very difficult!
I'm not a people person. I have problem talking and getting my words out.
It's hard for me to get up in the morning and wander outside to even walk
downtown; even though it is a mere few blocks away. Pathetic, I know. But.
As it is... myself. My options are limited. I will not work at a gas station.
I will not serve in a restuarant. I will not work a cash register. These things
I don't want to do because I can't talk to people well enough to do them.
I find myself in a bind. A real bad position. I wish I could bring myself to get
over it but I cannot. And it sometimes hurts. ... I did however go down to the
local post office today. The guy was real matter of fact when he said they
were not hiring. He sort of sounded like he was having bad day. Not my problem.
I will not work at a food store either. I need to find something I can do that
doesn't involve my interaction with many people. I mean, I'm not so closed that I cannot work with other people. But I can't deal with people, such as customers.
I'm just hoping that the local high school has some openings. Janitorial work most likely, but I can handle that. I worked there as a technology intern one summer. I know most of the people there, having gone there for nearly four years. I feel comfortable there.


What am I to do?

[ End. ]

Scratch the stones?

:: 2005 14 November :: 6.17 pm
:: Mood: content
:: Music: Taproot - Forever Endeavor

Who knows?
Only time will tell...

Welcome to another inept update! Brought to you by none other than the person whom is sitting here typing this pointless crap! Hooray for you! ... Why are you even reading? (A question I find a lot of people put in their journals. So why not just keep up with the trend? XD)

i am so lamez... dont raed my jurnal... i r wasing ur time... ;)

So anyway.

The Quest For A Job Prt.1:
Monday: Nov. 14th: Day 1 - Checked out the high school for job openings. Sterling, my buddy says they should have a bunch of openings soon. Awesome. This is good. If so I can work here. After all, is it not good to start out working someplace you know? Hell, I went to this school for four years! I don't mind hangin' around cleaning it up and what not. =D


Current bands on my playlist:
Massive Attack
Rage Against The Machine
Gravity Kills
Fear Factory
Dir en Grey
Eighteen Visions
D'espairs Ray


Blah, blah, blah. Once again. I am done.


Attempt to smile.

Scratch the stones?

:: 2005 11 November :: 12.02 pm
:: Mood: uncomfortable
:: Music: Zeromancer: Lamp Halo

A Smudge Across A Bleak Canvas

I havn't been online in some time. I don't mean to inflict any level of sorrow on anyone I talk to regularly. I just havn't had the desire to step before the textual masses of those whom lurk over the net.

No need to worry; I am alive and breathing. Though I still feel the pressure inches from my throat.

I'm avoiding life right now, or trying. I have to gear up and go out into the real world and find a place to work so that I may have a source of income.

I still find it scary and cannot get over it. I have spent the entire span of this week playing World Of Warcraft; an MMORPG. (Mass Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Game; for all you abreviate illiterate folks randomly stumbling over to read this inept post.)

I currently live a sad little "life"... if one could call it such. I feel drained. I feel like a smudge across a beautifully bleak canvas. Something that should not be.

I feel even more so pathetic for acting so pathetic. What the fuck me? I should hit myself upside the head.

But anyway.

Lets take a change here and talk about other crap! Music. Music is good.

In Flames new album will be coming out in February 7th '06. I can't wait for this release. I love this band. Woot.

Nightwish has cast out their singer Tarja. This makes me sad, even though her outlook on things displeased me. I didn't know she had been like she was. She has such an amazing voice. But I hope the best for Nightwish and Tarja in her solo career. This shall surely not be The End Of All Hope.

One of my favorite black metal bands of all time has decided to reform! All hail EMPEROR!!! I am VERY pleased with this.

Korn's new single "Twisted Transistor"... was something less than desire to hear. I agree with a lot of other people that they are going down the drain. None the less, I shall give their new album a listen when it comes out.

Achtung!! Rammstein's new CD should be good! I listened to the clips they had and the new video they shot for Benzin. Good, good, good! Can't wait to get this album either. Woot, woot. Specially since they have a new song and they use a mexican band in it. With the trumpets and shit. And it's sung in Spanish! .. What's better than german metal with mexican influence? And huge german's singing to you in spanish.. uh.. maybe a huge burrito with a keg of jager? Who knows! .....

And finally.. not too long ago KMFDM came out with a new album; "Hau Ruck" ... And I got that. Awesome. I really liked it. "New American Century" and "Professional Killer" are my favorite songs. Another smashing release by these guys.

Finally, finally. The Smashing Pumpkins may get back together?! Uh... that'd be cool. I really didn't like Billy's newest solo album. Personally, I thought his singing sounded terrible. Bleh.



I'm done.


1 Mark | Scratch the stones?

:: 2005 12 October :: 5.34 pm
:: Music: Android Lust - Amnion

If The Words On a Page Ever Gave A Damn...
Song: Default - One Thing Remains

You ever just want to sit down and just type, or write, or whatever? When you really don't have a reason to do it at all. You've said all there was to say earlier in the day. So what else do you have to talk about? There are always those little things on your mind and all the secret things you'll never admit to or talk about. Things no one should know, and that no one would care to know. Maybe you just want to ramble on about useless things that people will end up not reading once they get to a certain point of intep babble. Ah hell, they could be bored and read your entire pointless rant. I don't know. I guess right at this moment I am putting off finishing up my second project for my Graphics class.

Song: Gorillaz - Kids With Guns

For this project we had to look at some magazine adds of our choice. And then looked at it from a designer or engineers point of view I guess. Like, before they put all the shit on the add they have a layout or something... So, we pretty much turn the text into lines or whatever, images into shapes and concepts. Pretty much ending up with a black and white layout looking thing. Kinda odd to explain without something to look at and say, oh.. that's what y'mean.

Turning his head to monsters... turning his head to fire...
Drinking out. Pascifier. ...... Hm hm hm. Kids with guns.
Easy does it, easy does it........


Song: Ljungblut - Twirl

October is goin' by at a moderate pace. I've got an orthodontist appointment on Monday. I need to talk to the guy about getting my wisdom teeth pulled. I only have three coming in. But I had to pull teeth to get braces. They had to pull a tooth forward too. And now with the wisdom teeth crowding, that tooth is moving backward... I'm a bit freaked out. I lost my retainer.. havn't had it in since Saturday night. I can feel my tooth back further than the others, but still align with the rest thankfully. $110 for a new retainer. A piece of plastic. It's fucking insane. And dumb. Bah. ... And mom is low on money this time of year. $500 to get the oil tank half filled to heat the house. $160 to fix the heater pump so we could heat the house. $120 to fix the washer machine. $110 for my sister's retainer that she also lost 'cause she's a dumb blond. I was drunk and really stoned and don't remember where I put mine. I could've eaten it for all I know. XD .... $1000+ for college for me and Matt, our classes. $210 for art supplies for me for my class. Around $150 a month for food and stuffs. Probably a ton of other crap I can't think of right now, but yeah... But anyway. I feel SO bad about losing my retainer and mom having to pay. Grr... I'll give up Christmas presents for a retainer. I want good teeth.

That moves me onto the subject of holidays. I don't care about them. Lets start from January and move to December! =D

Song: Voltaire - God Thinks

January: New Years. I don't give a damn. Just an excuse to drink a shit ton and pass the fuck out. Woot. Good holiday.
February: Valentines Day. I no longer care. I've left my heart out on the curb and its been stepped on and ran over. I ain't got no valentine, and ain't no one gonna pick me... the holiday just seems so Grade School to me. It's pointless really. You can tell your spouse or girl you love them ANYDAY.
March, April, May, June... Easter is in there somewhere. I don't really want to explain it. It's Easter. It sucks ass. IT's a RETARDED Christian holiday to keep the kids interested. How do you get chocolate bunnies, colored eggs, crucifiction, ressurection and that shitty green plastic tinsel grass in the basket?! Fuck... did Jesus love rabbits or something? I bet he fucked rabbits. Rabbit fucker. DIRTY RABBIT FUCKING JEW. .... Oh, yeah. I hate Jesus. =D Prick!
July: 4th. Another excuse to drink some beer and set off explosives. All at the same time. Another dumb holiday. But whatever. I ain't a patriot. Fireworks... I don't care.
August, September... N/A.
October: Halloween. Ok, who doesn't like this Holiday? I don't care how old you are. You can dress up all fucked up and cool and steal candy from kids! Or just... try and go door to door. I'm short, so.. heh. Rawr.
November: Thanksgiving. Fuck you. What do I have to be thankful for? A retarded holiday I havn't celebrated for about six years now. You eat and eat more. IT's disgusting. And more so, pointless now a'days.
December: Christ.. er.. X-Mas! Last year I started to hate this holiday. This year I really do hate it. I don't like getting gifts from people cause I never have money to buy anyone anything so fuck it. IT's a religious holiday. I don't need to celebrate it. I don't need to waste my money. I can buy a gift for someone at anytime.

Song: Scarling - The Last Day I Was Happy

I asked Ash if I could have my NINJA hoodie back. She said she'd either drop by and give it to me if she had time or just give it to my sister at school. Last night anyway, she said she'd give it to my sis today. Looks like she forgot, 'cause my sis didn't bring it home. Or maybe she did give it to Shaina (my sis).. and maybe my dumb sister didn't bring it home. Heh. I bash on my sis all the time, she's actually pretty cool some of the time. Though, annoying mostly. But whatever. Good at keeping secrets from mom. ^_^

Clicking back and forth from talking to someone I ain't talked to in ages on AOL, to writing .. uh.. whatever the fuck this is. Pointless ramble of crap going on in my life I guess. Rawr.

Song: Gackt - Dispar

Woot. I love this song. =D

In other news; my right pinky knuckle is still bruised from hitting my monitor. I really need to stop hitting at an angle like I do. Ugh. Oh well. My bad I guess. .... Hm. Seems I am running out of shit to type! Oop. The song changed again. Rawr.

Song: Killing Heidi - I Am

And I don't know. 6:20pm. ... I made myself french toast for dinner. Made most of the upper house smokey too 'cause I burnt a couple pieces a bit cause I don't cook french toast often. I'm even worse when it comes to pancakes. Heh. Like... way,way worse. I suck with pancakes. Oh well. ... I got Laurell K. Hamilton's "Incubus Dreams" on paper back a few days ago. I love the Anita Blake series. Probably cause I'm obsessed with werewolves and werecreatures. Woot.

Song: 10 Years - Fault Line

Can't wait till the first few months of 2006. She's writing a book just for one of the other main-ish characters in the Anita storyline, and another book for the series. 'Micah', and 'Danse Macabre' ..... So, yay! ........... God damn I really need to get on my homewor.... er... I have to piss. .... BRB.

Song: Ayumi Hamasaki - Because Of You

And I'm back. Yep, yep. ... I really don't know what else to talk about right now. Maybe I'll just do another one of these long pointless things later on when I know what else I want to babble on about. Maybe get some stuff off my chest? Heh. Not like I'm brooding over anything. Hm. Random chicks from Sandy still trying to hang out with me. Have my home phone numer now, thanks to Matt. Oi ... Whatever. ... Nothing more to say about Ash. Hm. ... Dai's going out with Mary; no real surprise there. Blah, blah, blah. Oh! On the way home from school yesterday when me 'n Matt left early we saw Sarah on the way back into Estacada. She's a cool friend. Said she'd come stay the night Thursday. Well, about eight last night she knocks on the door and I answer it. She's so completely drunk that she can't ride the bus home, so, I let her stay over. Me being a good friend. ^_^ ... I took care of her. She threw up about fourteen times; all in the toilet though, so that's good. I got her water and helped her read shit when she wanted to check her MySpace. Ect, ect. She finally passed out, and that's when I went into my room to start writing the short eight poem compilation 'Chapter 1: Chloroform Revelations' ...

Song: Mad At Gravity - Keroseen

Apparently Adam came over last night, way later it must've been after I went to bed. Him 'n Matt woke me up this morning jumping on my bed at like 9am. Matt holds me up, and Adam stuffs his bong under my face and lights it. What a fucking way to wake up. Had a nice few hits of that. Woke the fuck up. Heh. Everyone went back to bed. At about 10:30am Sarah left to go home. Adam left later for work. His computer still here.. so he probably staying the night again.

Song: Nightwish - Romanticide

Guess that is all for now?

Song: Dark Tranquillity - In Sight

Yeah... that's it.


4 MarkMarkings | Scratch the stones?

:: 2005 12 October :: 3.39 pm
:: Mood: creative
:: Music: Gackt - Dispar

Eight Tiny Stones
I was in an odd mood the other night after winding down from my spout of fury. I sat in my room listening to the album 'Dead Heart In a Dead World' by Nevermore. Good disc.

I started writing. Lyrics/poetry type. I sat there for a couple hours and wrote a few pieces. After that I went to bed.

I woke up this morning and after a while I sat back down to write more and put on Gackt's new album 'Diabolos'. Which in my opinion kicks ass. It's one of his best. Anyway. I continued to write.

I have eight pieces that all seem to flow into each other. Well, sort of. Some I think not at all, but a few seem to. It's a little collection I've titled 'Chapter 1: Chloroform Revelations' ... Titles of the lyrics/poems are as follows... (As if you care.)

[I:] The Decreation Of Self-Remnants
[II:] The Hollow
[III:] The Ephemeral Dream
[IV:] The Laughter
[V:] The Gallery
[VI:] The Collapse and Revision
[VII:] The Second Ignition
[VIII:] The Waking Soul

I need to rework 'The Laughter'... It's kind of unfinished. I wrote part of it badly in my opinion. The words and stuff I used. And once I fix that I'll probably type them up and get them on here somewhere. Probably jot them down over at Fiction Press and Deviant ART. I guess I'll post them in one long/huge journal entry too. So no one has to crawl all over the web in search.

Yeah. With all that said and done...

I'm gone.

Scratch the stones?

:: 2005 10 October :: 5.25 pm
:: Mood: amused
:: Music: Assemblage 23 - Horizon

I took some pictures... you can look at them here...

Scratch the stones?

:: 2005 3 October :: 8.04 pm
:: Music: Your mum singin' in the shower!

Woosh I'm an airplannnee!!
So it started out going to be a nice poem,
but then I got to amused by thoughts in my head,
so it went off track a bit... XD

If you break apart on me now,
I'll do my best to help you back together...
If you die on me now,
I'll trade my life to make yours better...
If you fall away from me now,
I'll take the leap seconds later...
If you give up on me now,
I'll be there to make sure you stand again...

Don't let yourself be destroyed by all the meaningless shit;
if you start to drown, I'll pull you to shore.

(At least I'm happy thinking so...)

And if you start to stray from the path,
I'll be there walking it with you.
I'll make sure we go the right way,
or at least we'llget lost together;
and then you can blame me because I ate the map... ;D

Life is shit, lets have a beer,
sing a song and pwn some face.
I'll kick my own ass if you'll smile.

I want to make you happy.

(So damnit, if I have to get uber god damn
plastered and wrap myself in toilet paper
like a fucking mummy; spray paint "I'm a
cunt!" on my chest and try to hide myself
in a garbage can thinking it's a coffin,
then damnit, I'll do it.)


Ok, so I'm a bit fucked in the head.
You're a real good friend, I consider.
So I'll do my damn best.
To not mess up anything in your chest.
So we'll pull my heart out instead and
scribble on it with pens.

And if only because I can;
I love you. <3

(Boy, gee golly gosh do I feel like a moron.)

1 Mark | Scratch the stones?

:: 2005 2 October :: 6.12 pm
:: Music: 30 Seconds To Mars - Beautiful Lie

I just spent a good four/five hours cleaning my room today. Listening to a nine song mix of 30 Seconds To Mars. Damn. I havn't listened to them much before, but the songs I have... just wow. Lovely. I still got more to do. Things to place around. Thinkin' 'bout puttin' some pictures up. Ect, ect... Bleh. Oh well. At least it'll be all clean. ^_^

1 Mark | Scratch the stones?

:: 2005 26 September :: 1.50 am
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: Ghost In The Shell: Stand Alone Complex - Lithium Flower

Just Run!
Just got back from my two mile jog/walk. Starting that up again. Feelin' like my body is getting out of shape. Mmn. Running hurts after the first six laps; ugh. Whatever. Push myself. Got to.
Other than that. Dyed my hair red... er... well... it's kinda like a vibrant redish-orange-neon-color. Eh. Something anyway. Going to put some purple in it later this week; and leave a couple stripes of red maybe, or just one clump to the front for some random reason. Rawr.
Havn't seen Ash in a few days. She usually comes over Sundays. Said she would last I talked to her. Hm. Havn't talked to her in a few days too. Grr. It's Monday right now. School tomorrow. ... 6am on the bus. 9am to 7pm at school. All three classes I realize are in ONE ROOM. ONE FUCKING ROOM. x_x;; Oi... This is gonna suck.

2 MarkMarkings | Scratch the stones?

:: 2005 22 September :: 12.08 am
:: Mood: okay
:: Music: Zeromancer - Gone To Your Head

In Your Eyes

The days seem to drag on and on, and go so slowly.
Yet they seem to blur past so incredibley fast.
School starts next week for me on Tuesday. The 27th.
Three classes. 9am to 7pm. Long classes. This sucks.
But oh well. I shall deal with it.
Continuity is power.
Perseverence; strength.
These fists clench further and reach to grasp.
I will not lose hold so easily this time around.
My final.
Got my late birthday present from my dad today.
A digital camera, so I can stop using his.
It's pretty cool.
Now I just need to figure out how the hell to get it to work as a webcam. It says it can, but it's being so damn stubborn about it!
Grr. Oh well, should have it soon. Then I can display myself disgustingly online to others again! Ok, well... probably just one person or two. x_x;
Drinking water. Yum.

1 Mark | Scratch the stones?

:: 2005 20 September :: 4.51 am
:: Mood: drunk

Ok, from last entry chaing the "jog" option to...

-Driving with Adam
-Codein pills (got five left!)
-Red bull energy drink
-More beer
-More beer + Drinking game w/ beer

=D! 12am to 5am. Fun!

Scratch the stones?

:: 2005 19 September :: 11.50 am
:: Mood: awake
:: Music: Kentaro Ito - Standing To Defend You

Today's schedule:
-Eat? (Maybe...)
-Brush teeth
-Apply makeup
-Do hair
-Put clothes on? (Maybe...)
-Hang out with Ash
-Play .Hack Mutation
-Watch episodes 1 to 10 (or 11 if it DLs) of Suzuka anime
-Go for a jog
-Sit infront of my computer
-Go to sleep

Scratch the stones?

:: 2005 18 September :: 7.47 am
:: Mood: sleepy
:: Music: Dir en Grey - 'RED ... [em]'

Went to bed at three thirty this morning.
Am up at seven thirty.
Four hours of sleep? Whatever. I'm not that tired I guess.
Neat dream. Was like Counter Strike at first,
and then we were all real people. I operated a stationary
sub-machine gun and pwnd. XD
Nothing much to report.
Have been watching the lastest Bleach anime episode, number 49,
entitled "Rukia's Nightmare" ... pretty neat one. Got bored, so
started to browse another anime that's being subed in english called
'Suzuka' ... 'bout a chick that is in college and on a track team that is all praised and shit for jumping the highest bar thingy... 169cm... and this other main character guy dude. Eh, 's pretty good so far. Introduced to two other mainish lookin' chars in the first episode too.. a long haired blond and a brunette with glasses. First time you see the blond she's naked. XD The main guy works at his aun't spa, an all girl place. And he has to clean the spa every morning. Anyway, blond and brunette barge into his apartment later that evening, drunk.. and pass out. XD Amusing. But anyway, blah blah. I just like anime.
Even DL another they had translated. 'Front Innocent' ... little did I know that this was hentai. Heh. But, alas, genitals were obscured in that shitty 'foggy' censor stuff. Bleh! Oh well, kind of an odd anime. Whatever. Hm... what else have I been doing? Oh! ... Gah. My attention has also been taken up by Fallout 2, a post nuclear RPG. And this hentai dating game called True Love. Which I find myself going to be playing a third time through within two days already. What can I say? It holds my interest. ... <_< I'm not a pervert.
Just having this random Japan-esque obsession at the moment. Heck. I'm even learning some of the language....

Hejimemashite! Watashi wa Zane desu. Douzo yoroshiku, wareme!

Translation: How do you do! I am Zane. It's nice to meet you, cunt!

I amuse myself easily. XD


That's all.


[BTW: The title has absolutely NOTHING to do with the rest of the entry. XD .... I have no clue.]

1 Mark | Scratch the stones?

:: 2005 16 September :: 6.13 pm
:: Mood: cold
:: Music: Shiro Sagisu - Comical World (Bleach OST)

Head In The Clouds
Well, I'm finally getting over my cold.
Actually. I feel really good!
Up at my dad's for a few days again.
With my lovely allergy pills. Yummy.
Wrote a fistfull of poems. Posted them on DA.
Days are consisting of sitting here. Sleeping.
Playing Fallout 2. Talking to people online.
More sitting. Staring at the screen. Listening to music.
More sitting. Looking around my room.
Getting up to piss every once in a while.
Showering. Sleeping. Eating. Playing Fallout 2.
Listening to music. Talking to people online.
I somehow feel worthless. Hah, hah.
But anyway. Not much has been up as of late.
Waiting for my brithday gift from dad to arrive in the mail.
I wonder what it is? Honestly. I have no clue.
Adam ordered me a shirt from the band Silent Civilian.
He's a good friend. We like the same bands pretty much.
So. He ordered a shirt too. Same time. Heh. Woot.
Uhm. Hm.
I am ten dollars richer? x_x;;
Seems me and Ash are now dating.
Well. Nothing's really changed. Heh.
She gave me a birthday card and said she'd like to 'try us out'.
So, uhm, cool. I guess.
I doubt I truely love the girl to death. But I care about her a lot.
Like I do most people I like.
She's still odd. And she still complains about being ugly, fat, ect.
I just want to strangle her sometimes. So. I keep reminding her.
That she is infact. Pretty, and not fat. Gawd... her friends are
like that too. What is with chicks!? I swear the ideal body type
for females today is 90 lbs. and god damn stick thing with big breasts.
I think it's pretty sick to think that way. Ugh... blah!
I make her really happy though, so, that's good.
And she liked the poem I wrote her. So. Yay. ^_^
Done now.
Smile; and pull the trigger.

Scratch the stones?

:: 2005 3 September :: 12.28 am
:: Music: All That Remains - From These Wounds

Rosa; You Make Me Laugh --
[[׷īптǿxīсāпт׷]] - [Miss him so much...] [Came so very close to my dream piercing...] says:
-.-; cause when you run
[[׷īптǿxīсāпт׷]] - [Miss him so much...] [Came so very close to my dream piercing...] says:
sometimes it feels like you've got a runny nose. FROM YOUR CUNT -.-
[.Rnbw.Dmnt.Smls.] says:
[.Rnbw.Dmnt.Smls.] says:
You make me laugh.
[[׷īптǿxīсāпт׷]] - [Miss him so much...] [Came so very close to my dream piercing...] says:
it's even more uncomfortable when you sneeze.
[.Rnbw.Dmnt.Smls.] says:
XD Oh gawd!
[[׷īптǿxīсāпт׷]] - [Miss him so much...] [Came so very close to my dream piercing...] says:
it's like instead of snotting outta your nose, you're snotting outta your bloody cunt.
[.Rnbw.Dmnt.Smls.] says:

1 Mark | Scratch the stones?

:: 2005 26 August :: 6.54 pm
:: Mood: aggravated
:: Music: Darkest Hour - How The Beautiful Decay

The day started out all right. And then promptly withered into shit.
So I wrote this.
"Windows Waving Goodbye"
Sitting here and all I hear are complaints
Resting here and all I find unravels
Before my eyes the world is slowly turning its back on me

And I was in such a good mood
But now that mood is shattered to ruin
By the fruitless trees that sap all the energy
What do I do?
Do I comply and further my demise
Or just simply run away?

How unearthly
How horrible it is
To feel it all slip away
It's so nauseating
In the pit of my stomach and sinking deeper
Is this...
Is this how the beauty of life fades away?

Sitting here staring out
Out at what?
And where?
This tiny island of my thoughts
I'm watching the rest of the world blur
Slowly drifting into the distance

And the windows are waving goodbye

Is this how it all comes to an end?
How the threads of life choose to decay?

And I was feeling fine just moments ago
But now those feelings have dropped off the map
Taken by those whom push foward in attempt to hold me back
What can I do?
I will not comply
I can't run away
Am I simply stuck here between point A and B?
If I could find C I'd surely go
Is this how the story comes to close?

How I wish I could wash all the pain away
Stranded here and not even the light of the setting sun
is shining my way...
And I'm still standing
Staring into the distance
A tiny glimmer on the line of the horizon

The windows are waving goodbye.

Currently; sitting in my room; which is 82 degrees. Head hurts. Plagued by frustration.


1 Mark | Scratch the stones?

:: 2005 23 August :: 12.07 am
:: Mood: creative
:: Music: Opeth: Windowpane


I don't have much to say about today.
I waited pretty much the whole day at my mom's,
waiting for my dad to come home from work and
pick me up on his way home. Lugged my computer and speakers,
acoustic guitar and some clothes on up here. Big load.
Going to be up here for the rest of the week I think.
It's really nice. A get-a-way from the small town and people.
No one bothers me really. I'm in my room alone a lot.
I feel free here. Creative. I am surrounded by my favorite
animal; that which resides in my soul; the wolf. I have cinnamon
insence. Clean room. Space. No one is home until about 5pm - 7pm each night. Very nice.

Wrote some things; who knows... maybe someone
will read them?


The first one was written tonight. I just let my head sort of wander off and what not. The second one wa written the night before. They sort of start off the same I think, with the windowpane or what not. Or at least they both have a window mentioned in them. Oh well. I liked windowpanes. :D


That is about it.


Scratch the stones? | Random Journal