Man oh man. Got my old job back :) I start tomorrow. Not a dream job, but it's income. I'm going to have to get back in the swing of using manners and people skills to assholes. Oh well, I did it once, I can do it again.
School, gym, pick up kids, clean the house, get the girls down for a nap, do laundry, feed Andee, finish laundry, Arlee wakes up, put away clothes, get Arlee a snack, feed Andee, pick up room, bring girls upstairs, start dinner, deal with screaming children, have my family eat the dinner that i just cooked and leave me with the dishes...and the baby, feed baby, try to do the dishes, stress....
I can't wait for the holidays to be over this year. Everything has become so cluster fucked its not even funny. Is it so much to ask for to have a normal Christmas, with just my family not having to worry about anyone else. I hate being obligated to get people gifts that I hardly even know or see more than 5 times a year at the very rare family get together. It's become so excessive now that I can only buy my own children one gift each. I'm about three seconds away from just returning their gifts and just not going to these stupid family get togethers. Thad's side of the family I don't mind going to, we all hang out together and talk daily but my side of the family we don't even talk to each other...what's the point? To make up for the fact we don't talk all year here's a 30 dollar gift that you're probably just going to complain about when you get home or discard it to the back of your closet and forget about it. What a waste. A waste of all of our damn time if you ask me. I just want to spend Christmas with my little family and actually enjoy myself. No more worrying about where we have to be at what time, what were we supposed to bring again? Did we pack all the gifts? Bring enough diapers to get us through? Where are we going to let the girls nap? No room in the car? Damn....See all waaay to much to deal with. We have over 5 christmas celebrations to attend in two days. Stupid. It's taking all the meaning out of the day and its really pissing me off.
So I think the Gamez family should disappear this Christmas...We'll see you next year. *sigh* That sounds soo good.
I know I sound bitchy but due to all of this worrying about everyone else my families Holidays have kind of been robbed.
I've been doing alot better. Yeah, it sucks being secluded in a tiny town with no cell phone, but I now have a job, RJ has a job too, so things are getting alot better. I paint every day to keep stress, anxiety and depression at bay. And as hard as it's been, I still remain smoke free for over 4 months now. Things are coming together nicely :)
2012 16 June :: 5.27am
:: Mood: calm
:: Music: Turning Pages-Sleeping At Last
I've waited a hundred years. but I'd wait a million more for you. nothing prepared me for what the privilege of being yours would do.
if I had only felt the warmth within your touch, if I had only seen how you smile when you blush, or how you curl your lip when you concentrate enough, I would have known what i was living for all along. what I've been living for.
your love is my turning page, where only the sweetest words remain. every kiss is a cursive line, every touch is a redefining phrase.
I surrender who I've been for who you are, for nothing makes me stronger than your fragile heart. if I had only felt how it feels to be yours, well, I would have known what I've been living for all along. what I've been living for.
though we're tethered to the story we must tell, when i saw you, well, I knew we'd tell it well. with a whisper, we will tame the vicious seas. like a feather bringing kingdoms to their knees.
After going through postpartum on my own I finally believed it was over, but the whole getting pregnant again I think just thrust me back into it. The feeling isn't as bad as it once was but I have my days. Today is one of those days. I had a wonderful morning and afternoon but as soon as 3:00 hit I just was stressed and overwhelmed and couldn't control my feelings anymore. I ended up going into my room and shutting myself off until Thaddeus had to go to work, and of course he left thinking that I was upset that I couldn't find the sundress at the store that I saw online that I fell in love with. Please. I just feel so.... unhappy right now. I want someone around but alas all my friends are gone. Gone with the coming of a baby. Its funny to think everyone would still be there after having a baby, like you were there for them and then they just don't have the time for you or care for you anymore. Sad to think about. Especially how many of my friends left after having her. Oh well. I have Hillary and our Wednesdays that I live for lately. That and Sunday night so I can watch the new episode of American Gypsy. I love that show.
So I just ordered pizza because no car means no going out and getting groceries, which really sucks because I would love to cook right now but I'll have to settle for breadsticks and a personal pan.
I neeeed a change. In something. I've been changing myself and I'm happy for the most part its just not enough. I think the best change would be another car but we can't afford another payment and insurance note. Blah. The joys of a stay at home mom.
Lifes crazy. My daughter is almost 6months old, I'm almost halfway through my second pregnancy and by baby brother is off to college in a couple months. I used to hate change but now I'm beginning to embrace it.
I have all that I ever asked for. A close family, my own family. With the man of my dreams. Although I had always thought I'd want to work while having kids I realize now that its way more important to me to stay home with my babies and watch them grow up. Make sure I do everything in my power to let them know that they're loved and make sure they are raised to be productive God fearing members of society. That is my job now. The hardest job I've ever done in my life.
Thaddeus does an amazing job supporting our family but in doing so I'm left with many sleepless nights and met with aggravation in the morning because though he may work a 12 hour nightshift I have a 24hour job with no break.
Time has done well for me.
Now I'm working on myself. I've been changing my eating habits, doing a little more for myself, a little more for my husband, and love it. One day I may even get back down to the size I was when I met Thaddeus which I would really like.
I cannot wait for spring! Why? cause that is when construction on our new apartment begins. I will finally be able to paint, put down carpet, help mom build a bathroom with a rainfall shower and a kitchen area. Not to mention the our own front door complete with lock. I am so excited and so tired of this basement!!!
My poor lillyAna has an upper respiratory infection. His eyes are all goopy and swollen. It's pure torture to watch knowing the only thing I can do is keep him warm and keep his eyes clean. The general rule is if it doesn't clear up in 5 days then take him to the vet. I don't know if I can wait that long. He really isn't acting sick other then the goopy eyes. He still spent all afternoon playing with toys and eating twice his body weight. It just looks really nasty. I'm just at a loss.
Oh. for anyone confused by this post, LillyAna is my moms gender confused cat.