koalalady
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2023 7 May :: 12.53pm
- can't have effective gun control laws, innocent lives aren't worth protecting
- can't protect the legal right to abortions, women can't be trusted to make their own decisions
- can't go back to school to pursue a new degree, school is wayyyyyyyyyyyyy too expensive
- can't afford to go keep going to therapy, insurance doesn't cover it
Things I can do:
- save for retirement
- put effort and time into my rock band
- creative writing exercises
- help my dad get a better life
- keep singing in my community choir
- block my mother and move on with my life
- try out for a community theatre show
- yoga and punching bag workouts (making a big difference!)
- limit alcohol consumption (making a big difference!)
- text my friends back (good for mental health)
- play video games (fun)
- keep working on this interfaith coalition for reproductive justice
Yes the first list sucks and there's a lot wrong with the world, but the second list is keeping me going. I'm not going to roll over and die because of the first list. I'm going to keep fighting.
love me.
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koalalady
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2023 28 April :: 2.51pm
Rehearsal last night was a blast. I think I'm in! We have another rehearsal next Thursday. I'm pretty stoked for this.
love me.
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koalalady
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2023 26 April :: 10.57am
Ah - it still stings, how much I miss you.
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koalalady
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2023 12 April :: 6.36pm
I booked a rehearsal with an alt rock band based out of Raleigh! Here's the set list I get to prep:
Valerie - Amy Winehouse
Everywhere - Fleetwood Mac
Something to Talk About - Bonnie Raitt
Fade Into You - Mazzy Star
Linger - The Cranberries (Lake Street Drive version)
I sent them some old performance videos and recorded a very low-effort version of "Valerie" and they liked it enough to invite me out for rehearsal. I'm pretty excited!
love me.
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koalalady
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2023 30 March :: 2.49pm
:: Mood: a little nervous
A girl walks into an OBGYN and says, "Hey Doc, I'm looking for a man who can tie me up."
Had some tests done at the doctor today. Waiting for the results to come back on Monday. Kinda worried about how much I drank in my 20s and hoping I didn't do any long-term damage...so they did some bloodwork and labs and we'll see what happens. Next week I have an appointment with an allergist, a cardiologist, and a consultation for getting my tubes tied. Trying to stay calm and not get too anxious about it.
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love me.
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koalalady
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2023 23 March :: 8.40am
I'm back to checking Craigslist for musician want ads. I'm back to coffee in the morning and checking my plants. It's a new day! I love you all, my mostly silent little community!
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love me.
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koalalady
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2023 22 March :: 9.26pm
"If our 3 pt shooting remains as accurate as a drunken sailor tossing darts with a hooker in one hand and a hook for the other then I don’t like our chances."
- G on the MSU Sweet 16 game against Kansas State on Thursday
love me.
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koalalady
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2023 15 March :: 12.10pm
ever ever
in the crevices
the never-ending efforts of
the grandmother's tendons tending to her bread and empty chairs
left for Elijahs
where are they now
in caverna, in caverna
- from To the Hands by Caroline Shaw
At Jewish seders, there is often an extra wine glass left on the table for Elijah the prophet. And at the bris ceremony, there is an empty chair left for Elijah, so he may observe the ceremony and testify that yes, the Jewish people are keeping their covenant with God. Yes, the community is faithful and they have not abandoned their promises.
What is the last promise you have upheld? How do you demonstrate commitment to your faith, your family, your tribe? What is the point of teaching your children to uphold the same promises that your parents taught you to uphold?
Do Jewish people earnestly believe that the soul of the prophet Elijah is looking on, like Christians believe G-d is watching their every trip to the grocery store? Or do they see it as just a gesture of tradition, a small sacrifice on the altar of the fantastic?
love me.
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koalalady
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2023 3 February :: 4.17pm
:: Mood: thoughtful
"Today most people leave each other when they become enemies the first time. It's not a permanent state. You've hated your brothers before and then loved them the next day. Living with someone means you'll feel everything with them, love, sadness, passion, anger. Don't run away everytime things get hard, it's worth fighting for, it's worth fixing. Every time you do it gets stronger."
love me.
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koalalady
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2023 19 January :: 6.15am
Y'all. In case anyone could use a chuckle today, I finally told my super conservative, deeply Christian fundamentalist mother that I'm bisexual, and this is how it went:
Me: S and I just bought our tickets to go to Australia this summer! June 23rd - July 15th. We’re really excited. And, I’m flying out to Portland in March to see my friend T’s piano recital.
Mom: Oh? Is that something that you really want to do?
Me: Um. Do you think I’d be going out there if I didn’t want to?
Mom: Well, I mean. He’s…he’s gay, isn’t he?
Me: …Yes. He’s gay…
Mom: Isn’t there anyone else from that music studio that you’re still connected with?
Me: T is one of my closest friends. I gotta say, your response here is sounding pretty homophobic.
Mom: Yeah. I guess I am homophobic.
Me: Mom, I’m bisexual.
Mom: Oh, I know.
Me: …Wait. You do?
Mom: Yes! Wait. What does bisexual mean??
Me: It means I’m attracted to men and women.
Mom: WHAT! Since when?
Me: I came out when I was nineteen.
Mom: You came out when you were nineteen??
Me: Yeah. To my friends. Not to my family.
Proceeds to ask a ton of invasive and insensitive questions, including but not limited to:
- Since when did you have sexual relations with a woman??
- Does S know??? What does he think????
- How dare you dishonour the sanctity of your marriage! Sleeping around with other women!
- Have you tried praying about it? *my personal favourite*
- Just because your boss is a lesbian doesn't mean you have to be.
Bonus: She started telling me about a roommate she had at Hope College who was a lesbian and “came on” to her, which made her deeply uncomfortable. She was actually spending a semester in Philadelphia when this happened. She went on to have an amazing encounter with God and the Holy Spirit during that trip, so it wasn’t a total loss!
Told S about it afterwards - he said, what did she think bisexual means? I said I had no idea. He said maybe she thought I meant “bride-sexual” - saving myself for marriage to a heterosexual man, baybeeee! LMAO
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love me.
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koalalady
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2022 16 December :: 10.05am
:: Mood: exuberant
:: Music: Bloodhound Gang
"You must die! I alone am best!!1!!1"
*cue dirty bass*
love me.
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