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...And then she slit her throat on stained glass

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:: 2004 28 May :: 2.22 pm

Hmm...
I don't see how people can keep two journals :P
Unless they like, put the same exact entries in each one.
I can't do the seperate thoughts in each journal thing.
Except for now, of course :P

I can fit into my clothes!!!! <---Victory.

*dances*

2 Seductions | Seduce Me ...


:: 2004 26 May :: 7.46 pm

Teh new journal!

http://www.livejournal.com/users/bubblgunsuicide

Pixie did the nifty layout thinger :)

2 Seductions | Seduce Me ...


:: 2004 25 May :: 4.12 pm


Ahhhhh... Boredom.
I think that it was useless getting a LiveJournal. I knew I'd never write in it.
Ohhhhh well.

Dad called last night so I talked to him some. He said that they were having some bad storms and all the electricity went out so while he was sitting in the dark, he thought he would call.
Hehe.

I also talked to Jared last night. Haven't talked to him in a while. Of course, he was drunk.
Go figure...
Why is it that everybody's always drunk when I call them?
EH.
I guess his fucking girlfriend is a girl that I went to River Road with. When they first met, she told him not to ever talk to me again because I fucked over her "best friend".
I made it loud and clear last night that I was NOT the one that fucked him over. I don't really think a 13 year old is capable of fucking a 19 year old over.
I think its just a little fucked up that she thinks she can tell him who he can and can't talk to. I've known him for over 11 years and if she thinks she can just come along and control his life, she needs to re-think some things a bit.

*sigh*

ANDREW IS NEVER HERE.
Eh...


1 Seduction | Seduce Me ...


:: 2004 23 May :: 10.27 pm

Got back from the flea market around 5 today and then went ahead and slept for 4 hours as soon as I got in my room.

I bought a necklace for Mom... The coin I wanted on there was way too expensive so I got her a different one. He gave me the leather thing for it for free because everybody at the flea market just loves me so much :)

I'm so tired... hopefully Brandon'll hurry up and call so I can go to bed. I don't expect ANDREW to be on until like, 2 so I'm gonna give up on that.

Oh yeah ... I made myself 3 bracelets. And then I went a bought 5 more from this lady. She had all this dinky stuff. hehe. I got 4 green, pink, and silver metallic bracelets with stars on them. And then I got a black beaded one.
Great stuff.

*Wishes Andrew here*

Seduce Me ...


:: 2004 22 May :: 11.14 pm

Ugh...
Brandon just called on the cell phone and I missed it. Right when I woke up, I went out there and grandma had just gotten off the phone with him.

That's gonna bother me all fucking night o.o

Seduce Me ...


:: 2004 22 May :: 6.40 pm

Email from Mom....


Damn you all to hell. DAMN YOU! I can't believe you went to the flea market without me! I'll never forgive any of you. Do you hear me?! Do you HEAR ME???!!!!!!!!!!! NEVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wanted to tell you something I thought would make you feel better about Brian. I know it did me. Besides the other girls we knew about there were more. The prosecutor confronted him about 2 other 13 year old girls he was with. One had been swimming in a pond or something with her boyfriend and Brian invited himself to be with her. I can't remember the deal with the other one. But apparently other parents finally started calling in. But see, YOU, started the chain, Kristen. You didn't want to but you did because I nagged and bitched at you to death. ;-) I'm really, really proud of you. You stood up and took him off the street, and at least for 15 more years, he won't be able to hurt any other little girls. He'll always have to be registered as a sex offender; he'll always have to make his neighborhood aware of his past activities. Some people are somewhat okay with it but keep a leery eye. Others will fight to have him run out of the neighborhood, away from their kids. Thanks to you *smile*

I love you

Mom.




*sigh*

Seduce Me ...


:: 2004 22 May :: 5.37 pm

Just got back from the Flea Market thingy...
We decided not to stay in town over night. We're gonna leave again tomorrow morning.

During one point of the whole thing, I went into this little store to buy grandma some Elvis cards :P When I got back, this guy walked over to me and he smiled and said "Thank you so much".... Me---"Um....?" ....Him--"You have no idea what the hell I'm talking about do you???" *shakes head* "I was out of cigarettes so I came over and bummed some from you. Your friend said it would be okay... they'll definately be payed back tomorrow. I should have a pack for you by then" I told him not to worry about it or anything... Diana only gave him 4 of mine so he was smoking them sparingly :P When I got up there to bring him an extra pack I had with me, he turned around and looked at me and said "Holy shit... You have the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen..." Which made my day, actually :P
I told him not to worry about paying me back or anything for the cigarettes ... he said thanks a million times and gave me 5 dollars for them. He had a coin booth. He would take coins, saw them out and make designs with them ... then he would coat them in gold and stuff. They were SO fucking cool.
Some of his stuff sells for about $250. They're so pretty. But anyway, I found a coin he had made and he was selling it for 5 dollars. It was a quarter sawed in half with a heart and a key through it. You take the halves and put them together to make the quarter again. It's like a jigsaw thinger.
Anyway, I asked him if I could buy if from him and I picked two black leather necklaces with beads for him to put them on. When I went to pay him, he told me to only give him 10 dollars. So not only did I get a major discount, I also got 5 bucks for a pack of cigarettes :P I basically got away free with the stuff. I stayed around and we talked a while ... He's one of those people that's ALWAYS happy and always smiling and everything. He had his two dogs with him ... they were both around 17 years old. He said he didn't have a wife or kids or anything so his dogs travel with him. After we got to talking some, he told me he had gotten married on the beach I went to last weekend. Then, he said he had gotten a divorce a year ago but him and his ex are the best of friends. They divorced because he was always traveling doing his coin thing. (I can see why he loves it so much). But ANYWAY, eventually, we got on the subject of smoking and he said that he started when he was 15, stopped back in January and started up again and now he's worse with cigarettes than he's ever been. He told me I should stop smoking while I was young ... then he said "You're only what... 20??"
o.O
"Um.... no. I'm 15". Him---*blank stare* "You're only WHAT? 15? Holy shit...."
:D
I figured he was in his late 20's, early 30's. He's 38. haha...
He said "I'm surprised she (diana) isn't over here kicking my ass. Hell, I should be kicking my ass."
lol :)
I don't see why ... he definatly wasn't being harmful. All he said was that my eyes were pretty.
Anyway, after that he showed me how he did the designs in the coins ... He had a coin that had Washington on it and he sawed a cigarette onto it hanging out of Washington's mouth ;D
It looked so awesome.
I swear, I could hang out over there for days watching people make those stupid coins.
I chose the illinois quarter because it was the year 2003 (When me and brandon got together). He asked me why I chose that one and I told him it was because of the year. He said "Ahhh... The year you and your boyfriend got together?" So we talked about that some ... and then Christina came over and talked to him.
We all liked him really well. He's incredibly nice.
And I've fallen in love with his little old poodle. It will be mine.
But anywho ... Just wanted to share that because it made me so happy :)

It's amazing how one or two things a person says or does can make your whole day so much better.

Things as simple as one comment and two necklaces made me forget about everything else for that little while and even now, I don't have a need to feel so depressed about it all.
...Until tomorrow of course. Happiness will wear off by then.

It's just nice to have it go away for a few hours...

Seduce Me ...


:: 2004 21 May :: 10.14 pm

I wish you'd lay down and fucking DIE.

Seduce Me ...


:: 2004 21 May :: 10.08 pm

Lookie guys..
I can make a spade!

Seduce Me ...


:: 2004 21 May :: 8.00 pm

I need HELP...

Seduce Me ...


:: 2004 21 May :: 6.03 pm

Ya know ...
Of all the other girls, why the fuck did I have to be the one responsible?

Seduce Me ...


:: 2004 21 May :: 5.25 pm

Bryan's trial was today ...

Me and Mom didn't know anything about it. Jeff has known for about two weeks.
My attourney had told Jeff that Me or Mom had needed to be there and he told her No and that we didn't need to go through that right now.
So he did it for us...
Earlier, Pam called (Attourney's Secretary) and she told Mom that we were lucky to have him and that we had no idea how much he loves us.
She said when Jeff got onto the stand, they argued a lot with him to see if he'd change his story.

He didn't.

Pam said eventually, he got really mad and told everybody that Bryan had torn his family apart.

Jeff and I don't have a good relationship and to know that he stayed there the whole time and went through all that so Mom and I wouldn't have to means more to me than anything probably ever has.
And for people to call and tell us how much Jeff loves us ...

Bryan got 30 years in prison. He can try for parole after 15 years.
They said Bryan's family was there and he cried a lot through it. The Psychiatrist found him Sane ...

Ya know ... he had a really bad life growing up. SOMEBODY should have helped him.
Why didn't anybody help him?

I really just wish that I could tell him I'm sorry ...
or fucking FIX it all.
And I can't.

In 30 years, he'll be 53.
His life is nothing.

I just ruined somebody's life ...
-_-;

1 Seduction | Seduce Me ...


:: 2004 21 May :: 2.41 pm

Went shopping with Grandma today ...
Got some Jeans and Some shorts a nice carton of cigarettes so I can fill my lungs with a shitload of tar before I have to stop smoking.

DUDE. X_X!
Lynyrd Skynyrd is gonna be at Wild Adventures June 5! And I was supposed to go to Wild Adventures somewhere around there but I think we'll be in Jacksonville then.
My poor little heart has broken to pieces :( *sniffle*
I am forever undoomed.

*sigh*

I finally got my notebooks today. I can start writing my Journal entries into the notebooks so I'll always have it.
Lots and lots of writing...
But at least it'll keep me busy.

We're going to Valdosta for the flea market thingy for the weekend tomorrow.

I'm determind to buy the Kurt Cobain shirt I've been wanting forever sometime within the next week.
So I can wear him and gaze at him all day...

Ahhhhh... He's so pretty :)

2 Seductions | Seduce Me ...


:: 2004 20 May :: 8.37 pm

Everybody always leaves...

1 Seduction | Seduce Me ...


:: 2004 20 May :: 5.40 pm

Kinda sad how when you're almost ready to completely give up, the most perfect thing walks into your life.
You're so happy and you don't understand HOW it could have happened to you.
Then, within a matter of days, it's gone.

And you'd be stupid to think it would have been there forever.

Seduce Me ...


:: 2004 20 May :: 5.38 pm

Thunder... =)

Seduce Me ...


:: 2004 19 May :: 11.30 pm

Brandon's hair is gone.... =(

Seduce Me ...


:: 2004 19 May :: 11.03 pm

I was helping Diana and Grandma clean out their storage today and we ran across my Great Grandma's Jewerly box. I found two really old skeleton keys inside =)
Grandma said we were giving the jewelry box to Mom so I took one of the keys out and put it on my necklace.
I asked Grandma what it might be to and she said it might have been Grace's house key when she was little.

Yayness =)
*Excitment*
'Tis mine FOREVER. ;D

I went to the dollar store today. hehe... I found a bag of Kiddi Pops that I didn't think I could live without. The lollipops looked gigantic but they're really only about the size of a Blow Pop. I don't understand why they have such gigantic wrappers but they're nifty lookin'. I sent one to Brandon =)

Why do they call blue suckers "Blue Raspberry"? Why don't they just call them BLUEBERRY?
That will forever remain a mystery to me.
*sigh*

Mom told me she called The Music Box to see if Marcus would do a tattoo for her. They said he left a few months ago =(
Sadness...
I had big plans for Marcus when I turned 18. He was doing ALL of my tattoos. He just didn't know it.
They told mom that it would probably cost around 300-500 dollars to do a tattoo that would cover all the scars on her arm.
Jeff said tattoos are "trashy" though so I'm sure there's gonna be a giant argument.

Tra la laaaaa... FUCK Jeff.
Ehness.

Seduce Me ...


:: 2004 17 May :: 11.13 pm

Mom's firefighting chief is in Jail. Sexual assault against his 8 year old step daughter.
I guess the story is that his step daughter got pissed off at him because he grounded her or something and she went and told her mom he was sexually abusing her.
If she's lying, she just fucked up his whole career and probably his life for him.

*sigh*

He never seemed like one to do that.

Mom said they were all out somewhere and they were wearing their Potter County shirts and some people came up to them and asked if all potter county fire fighters liked to molest little girls.
They all have to be careful about what they wear now.

That was probably the one person Mom looked up to in the whole world. When she would drink, she'd hold her pager really close to her and listen to them all go on call. Then, she'd cry and she'd tell me "I want to be just like him..."
And now he's in jail for Sexual Assault.

Pretty pathetic...

I'd like to believe he didn't do it though.

1 Seduction | Seduce Me ...


:: 2004 17 May :: 4.53 pm

People are fucking morons.

Seduce Me ...


:: 2004 17 May :: 1.25 am

Okay... I've decided.
Andrew is eval and he's never coming back to talk to me.

Because like I said. He's eval.

Seduce Me ...


:: 2004 16 May :: 8.18 pm

The Perks of being a Wallflower
Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Chops"
because that was the name of his dog
And that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and a gold star
And his mother hung it on the kitchen door
and read it to his aunts
That was the year that Father Tracy
took all the kids to the zoo
And he let them sing on the bus
And his little sister was born
with tiny toenails and no hair
And his mother and father kissed a lot
And the girl around the corner sent him a
valentine signed with a row of X's
and he had to ask his father what the X's meant
And his father always tucked him in bed at night
And was always there to do it

Once on a piece of white paper with blue lines
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Autumn"
because that aws the name of the season
And that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and asked him to write more clearly
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because of its new paint
And the kids told him
that Father Tracy smoked cigars
And left butts on the pews
And sometimes they would burn holes
That was the year his sister got glasses
with thick lenses and black frames
And the girl around the corner laughed
when he asked her to go see Santa Claus
And the kids told him why
his mother and father kissed a lot
And his father never tucked him in bed at night
And his father got mad
when he cried for him to do it.

Once on a paper torn from his notebook
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Innocence: A Question"
because that was the question about his girl
And that's what it was all about
And his professor gave him an A
and a strange steady look
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because he never showed her
That was the year that Father Tracy died
And he forgot how the end
of the Apostle's Creed went
And he caught his sister making out on the back porch
And his mother and father never kissed
or even talked
And the girl around the corner
wore too much makeup
That made him cough when he kissed her
but he kissed her anyway
because that was the thing to do
And at three A.M. he tucked himself into bed
his father snoring soundly

That's why on the back of a brown paper bag
he tried another poem
And he called it "Absolutely Nothing"
Because that's what it was really all about
And he gave himself an A
and a slash on each damned wrist
And he hung it on the bathroom door
because this time he didn't think
he could reach the kitchen.


Seduce Me ...


:: 2004 16 May :: 12.51 am

I'm getting SO fucking sick of this shit...

1 Seduction | Seduce Me ...


:: 2004 15 May :: 11.44 pm

Heh...
I just love the fact that I'm the cause of other people's depression.

By now, pixie has probably already left. Can't remember when she said she was going but I'm sure she's gone now.
Good luck with all that, Pixie.
*sigh*

Eh...
Andrew, you're never around when I need you. You're either at the mall, trying to kill the pizza man, or getting people mad at you for the things you do to the swings.
tsk tsk.

*sigh*
What to do... what to do.
*wishes andrew here*
I HATE you. =P

Seduce Me ...


:: 2004 15 May :: 9.06 pm

Crash and burn
All the stars explode tonight
Hoíd you get so desperate
Howíd you stay alive
Help me please
Burn the sorrow from your eyes
Oh, come on be alive again
Donít lay down and die

Hey, hey
You know what to do
Oh, baby, drive away to malibu

Get well soon
Please donít go any higher
How are you so burnt when
Youíre barely on fire
Cry to the angels
Iím gonna rescue you
Iím gonna set you free tonight, baby
Pour over me

Hey, hey
Weíre all watching you
Oh, baby, fly away to malibu
Cry to the angels
And let them swallow you
Go and part the sea, yeah, in malibu

And the sun goes down
I watch you slip away
And the sun goes down
I walk into the waves
And I knew love would tear you apart
Oh and I knew the darkest secret of your heart

Iím gonna follow you
Oh baby, fly away, yeah
To malibu
Oceans of angels, oceans of stars
Down by the sea is where you drown your scars

I canít be near you
The light just radiates
I canít be near you
The light just radiates

Seduce Me ...


:: 2004 12 May :: 9.59 pm

And she said kill me faster ...

With strawberry gashes all over and over.

Seduce Me ...


:: 2004 12 May :: 8.41 pm

The hair ... has been dyed black.
Its um.... much darker than I thought it would be but hey, black is black.

I'm meeting the Craig on Friday =) Fun fun.
Can't wait.

My eyebrow ring has been completely ripped out....
Eh.

I watched a movie called The Man in the Moon. It's so sad=( Everybody watch it.

Weeeeeee =P

Seduce Me ...


:: 2004 6 May :: 9.56 pm

I'm in Georgia now! =)
Hehe... fun fun.
They only have msn messenger on this computer so Pixie and Andrew .... if you have msn, Collageof_frozenfear@hotmail.com
Add me :P

I saw so many freakin beaches. It was so awesome.
It's beautiful.
All the beaches looked the same until we went to Henderson Beach. Jesus... It was amazing.
The water is like, crystal blue. And the waves are so damn fun =)
Hehe.... I must go for now.

Love to Pixie and Andrew =)

1 Seduction | Seduce Me ...


:: 2004 30 April :: 11.01 pm

Leaving to Georgia on Monday =)
Yayness.
I probably won't be updating much while I'm there. We will be spending a week at the beach in Florida. I can't wait :P

Craig and I are ELOPING!
Yes...
We are, we are.

Oh yes, Reverse Eskimo Kiss!!! Instead of your noses, you use your butts :P
That came from Craig's brilliant little head :)

Mom and I ordered pizza today. Eh...
It was yummy but now I must suffer the consequences--Weight Gain.
O_O

Blah.








1 Seduction | Seduce Me ...


:: 2004 29 April :: 1.03 pm

"ooo, Scarface is on HBO" Craig says.
It was not scarface guys.... it was SACRIFICE.
We now have "Whomper" and "Scarface"
It should be very interesting to see what other things he will come up with tonight. :P


1 Seduction | Seduce Me ...

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