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...And then she slit her throat on stained glass

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:: 2004 22 April :: 7.35pm
:: Mood: Tired
:: Music: Sea of Sorrow-Alice in Chains

::hums solo::
Bloody hell!
Dinner with my parents tonight.
Bloody hell!
X.X ..XD
*sigh* Another day made me even angrier, but I'm actually in an ok mood right now. New pictures from today soon. Brandi and I went to the lake, and we saw this HUGE snake... @.@ lol. Then we went back because I had an urge to see it again. XD I'm so fucking stupid.

I ate so fucking much today ;_; *sigh*

2 Seductions | Seduce Me ...


:: 2004 21 April :: 5.25pm
:: Mood: furious

WARNING: the following is journaling to help cure me of my current fury
Words cannot describe my hate for my bus driver and teachers. I hate them, I hate them, I hate them SO fucking much! And I hate the people's parents who think I'm a bad influence, and I hate those who don't like my attitude, and I just fucking hate it when a rude adult expects respect from me!
Oh, how I hate them. Whores. x.x;
How can they judge me like they do?
Whew... I don't think I've been this angry for years. I just feel like a little kid... "It's not fair!" "Why won't they leave me alone?" "It's not my fault!" Ugh. -.-


Going to the place with the thing today with the sharry. "Yay." ..not that it's not fun..... I'm just sick of arguing, and that's where I'm going. Where my attitude is just too much, where my opinions are unacceptable and discarded, where my voice is just a muffled echo...

I have a fucking SHITLOAD of it.
>>And they judge me for it.

ahh... now that's out of my system and I'm enjoying a coke. Yummm.

2 Seductions | Seduce Me ...


:: 2004 21 April :: 2.45pm
:: Mood: progress...? okness
:: Music: Voices @_@

In Shakespeare, "doom" means "judgement." o.0
Also in shakespeare...
"Imp" means "child."
XD well, it's all good because I have ALL the sparksnotes...

I'm gonna let you in on a little secret.
Don't tell!
When I was a kid.. up to fourth grade I'd say.. all I wanted to do was be a writer. I went to a shitty school and they thought I was good at it. Built my confidence. I always put effort into it.
*sigh* then I switched schools in 5th and realized that it was all fake and stupid... just because I was a little better than some elementary kids from one of austin's crappiest schools didn't mean I was a good writer.
So I stopped caring...
What a disappointment =/.

Now it's time for art. How wonderful ^_^.

DiANE scored the HIGHEST for the big science contest-test yesterday! Good work =)!

Very excited about getting my moolah on the first, but also very worried about it being May, and myself having no money.... Damn it, I gotta pay laurel back o.0
I should get a job!

I spent an excessive amount of time typing this up (or so I think) because tis study hall and I don't want to do anything. XD.

My stomach HURTS! x.x

Lurve you.

Seduce Me ...


:: 2004 20 April :: 8.21am
:: Mood: crappy
:: Music: TON

I feel like crap. x.x
I dunno why.

...My ears kept ringing, and I hate it!
Why do I bother?

Hmm. I dare everyone who reads this to send me an IM. It's a dare.

3 Seductions | Seduce Me ...


:: 2004 19 April :: 5.41pm
:: Mood: Accomplished
:: Music: Anesthesia-TON

if you GIVE AN INCH will they TAKE A MILE?!
Mmm yes. I finally got it out of my system. I feel safe. ::weary smile::
hmm... liars....
Hopefully this headache will disappear soon.
What I want is an explanation to why I haven't been able to see clearly for a week, dammit!
It's kind of nice, actually.. ^_^...
If you gave me a reason
If you showed me a way
If you cleared up my vision
I'd let go of the day

Just throw away my pieces!
Throw them away
I would like some coffee.
But coffee makes your teeth yellow.
And my teeth aren't all that white anyway.
I think I'm gonna get some coffee =).

Seduce Me ...


:: 2004 19 April :: 2.41pm
:: Mood: Flowing, irritated
:: Music: voices

Tis study hall.
Tis, Tis.
I found myself not being able to play guitar or sleep for a while, because of my mind being so cluttered with thought. I just can't make sense of it... why I can't fix it... I know that's a very silly question to ask, but it's running through my head.

Now we're on the same level, but we're worlds apart
There are some people in this world that I just want to murder violently.
But I won't, because I think that's unethical.
I could just get as far away as I can?
I don't want a good relationship with my parents. It sickens me to think of it. So, there, that's taken care of.
o.o my mom's friends would not leave last night! xP I have a headache.. from their music I think... ^^;
I went into the room to erase the messege and my dad started yelling at me to ::doomful russian accent:: NOT GET ON THE COMPUTER!! AA! ::/doomful russian accent::
much sighs.
I really want something I shouldn't have today. I'm contemplating what sacrifices I can/should make. Yes. Keeps running through my head.

=). That's that.
If I gave you my life, would you give me a smile?
A real smile?

2 Seductions | Seduce Me ...


:: 2004 18 April :: 5.29pm
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: Nutshell-AIC

It all disappeared the moment I had it in my grasp
I'm confused.. really confused...

Nothing's as easy as it seems
All is lost in empty dreams
Everything tears, everything breaks
I would do anything it takes

I'll hide the glow
til it's time to let go
It's a crazy world, everyone
I'd go with you every night
I'm just sitting here in my confusion.

2 Seductions | Seduce Me ...


:: 2004 18 April :: 12.12pm
:: Mood: Confused
:: Music: ear-ringing

O.o today is my mother's birthday, and after she wakes up, there will be a huge dinner party and such and such... bleh o.o;

I had such an incredibly fucked up dream! @_X; omg. I was like, trapped underground near my house in this crazy factory thing with a bunch of people for weeks and weeks, and and.... *sigh* anyway I woke up feeling really screwed up. x.x

The moral of this story is not to take benadril** at 12:30 and go to sleep.

My tongue tastes like mushroom soup.

Seduce Me ...


:: 2004 17 April :: 11.05pm
:: Mood: Evil

Like stars
Like stained glass
Like broken thoughts
Like empty walls
Like the ringing in my ears
I imagined you there
You were just staring at the walls
And you wouldn't looked away
And then you saw me, I saw your eyes
Begging me for truth
It's so real
right now
I would do anything
Anything for you
But we all say, you just have to ask
It's not that easy
And I'd rather not
Fall into me

Sometimes I just write feelings like that, it doesn't mean I'm making an attempt at poetry. If I do evaluate it as poetry later, though, all the better.

Seduce Me ...


:: 2004 17 April :: 1.19pm
:: Mood: Dizzy
:: Music: ringing in my ears

no need for sunrise
=) Had a great time last night.
hung out with brandi, eric, jan[roger], and david [brandi's bro] last night... then we all went over to brandi's house, and everyone except jan spent the night [^^ doom on you jan, you never hang out long]. Fun fun fun.

Anyway. Then Eric went back to Cali this morning ^.^; teehee. Oh well.

And we woke up and ate gumbo for breakfast.
And um. Yessum. doom.
Now I'm planning and doing something at the place with the thing with those people and such. ^.^

"You girls gonna be alright? I counted the beer!" -brandi's dad [...wtf?]
"Here's our vamp queen!" -eric's stepdad [um.. wtf?! XD]
Brandi had some good ones but I forgot. xD.. yeah. I have some new pics too.
Much love. poof.

Seduce Me ...


:: 2004 16 April :: 6.12pm

VibrantDarkSoul: You kept your promise.


1 Seduction | Seduce Me ...


:: 2004 15 April :: 9.08pm
:: Mood: Accomplished
:: Music: Cypress Hill o.0?

doom! hehe... read this, it's great.
Oh yeah!
Yes, kris, there are pics of me up =).
Ok, anyway, just GUESS what me and Brandi have been doing for the past two or three hours.
We love the lake. We really do. It's beautiful, and the ducks are just great =). [We named them XD]. But when you see a bottle of GASOLINE and other similarly gross things just ruining the beauty, it's time to fucking do something.
We've been walking in the lake in our platform shoes carrying around a million pound bag filled with all the trash we found in the goddamn lake.
Sorry I had to make a big deal about that, but I really do feel accomplished. ^.^;

My faves:

XD Yeah, I catch all the candid shots. You can't escape, brandi.

=D. This is a kickass week.

Seduce Me ...


:: 2004 15 April :: 6.46pm
:: Mood: euphoric
:: Music: the background on my site :-D

Well life is going to be fine because nicole, lexa and I are gunna get married and we're gunna be a gorgeous triple ^.^ XD
Hehehehehe LOL wee
school was good, PICTURES ARE UP! check em out! photobucket.com search starkistpixie
New people
and, by popular request photos de MOI =) hehe. yeah. today's a good day.

I'm off to the lake.
Kristen, I've gotta talk to you! Our paths haven't crossed for 3 or 4 days o.O!!

1 Seduction | Seduce Me ...


:: 2004 14 April :: 9.30pm
:: Mood: Pretty Happy
:: Music: I Believe in a Thing Called Love-The Darkness

There is a butterfly shaped scar on my right foot =).
Haven't been on for two days, and for good reason. Much news!
Well, Laurel gave me her free ticket to The Darkness, which by the way is the fastest selling show in the history of Austin... and even though I was never really a fan [hehehe..] I mean, free show! So there we were, front row because I refuse not to be. Screaming contest? And Justin of the Darkness hands me his microphone so I can scream for thousands of fans.
Still can't say I'm a fan, but man, do those guys put on a good show.

OH! I have lots of new pictures that I will try to post now. Fun ones ^.^ Went over to Brandi's yesterday, and we fed the ducks at the lake =).
Quote Brandi:
"I wonder if people ever have sex on a bus. I mean, with all the bumps and stuff you wouldn't have to work very hard"
...XD Tis Brandi's Ism. Mucho love.

I also have new writing today, I'll be posting that on LJ, maybe even temporarily. =). Please critique.

Hum.. something else happened, but I've had seven cokes or so in the past two days... so hehehhee ::bounces::
You wonder why I am this way, yet you're the one who made me real... think I'm no different every day, but how can you know what I feel?
If you don't know where you're going, any path can take you there.

"You either rock, or you don't. ^_~"

1 Seduction | Seduce Me ...


:: 2004 12 April :: 7.46pm
:: Mood: Confident

I'm sick of cliches o.o
Lily's surprise party was today, so I skipped guitar and went to hang out with the azns... and play ddr.. and video games... and watching anime...
I tried ddr [miserable failure], watched princess mononoke with teh fiends, and best of all took pictures =). They will be on photobucket by tomorrow, I think. <3

Now I have to do a book report.. but it's on a very good book, When She Hollers. I tried reading it in fifth grade, but that didn't work out =P. doom.

Rainy days amount to...

Watching, Waiting
Loving, Hating
Freezing, Hurting
Me inside.
Faking smiling
Laughing, Lying
Endless horror ride.
Keep me colder
She who sold her
Soul will sooner
be so gone...
Giving up a
life unlived to
find a place where
we belong.


2 Seductions | Seduce Me ...


:: 2004 10 April :: 11.20pm
:: Mood: alright
:: Music: something I made up =)

::hums a guitar solo::
Just got off the phone with Nicole.. I'm glad she called me.
You should know... I do lose faith easily. A sign that you're still there never hurts...
I'm probably going to delete this o.o

6 Seductions | Seduce Me ...


:: 2004 10 April :: 9.26pm
:: Mood: Apathetic and Evil
:: Music: The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows-Brand New

here before me is a web of lies | it's got me so hypnotized | perhaps it can't be untied...
I was walking in the rain, and I started thinking about the past... feeling pretty shitty, and then.. "The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows" comes on.
Oh, the fucking irony. x.x
I went down the street..
then I printed out a bunch of pictures to put in my room =). All my buddies, and some of my art. ^.^
So deviously deviant @.@

I'm feeling some anger...
This [awesome, of course] song by Alice in Chains really describes how I am.. a lot of the time.. a lot.....
You simply MUST love AIC, by the way. Layne's voice... wow ^_^. Yeah.
---Love, Hate, Love by Alice in Chains---

I tried to love you... I thought I could
I tried to own you, I thought I would
I want to peel the.. skin from your face
Before the real you lays to waste

You told me I'm the only one
Sweet little angel, you should have run
Lying, crying, dying to leave
Innocence creates my hell

Cheating myself still, you know more
It would be so easy with a whore
Try to understand me... little girl
My twisted passion to be your world

Lost inside my sick head
I live for you but I'm not alive
Take my hand before I kill
Still love you, I still burn

Love, hate, love

Seduce Me ...


:: 2004 10 April :: 7.29pm
:: Mood: Peaceful, but I can feel myself getting evil..
:: Music: That song by Black Sabbath ^^

Ecstasy of an escape, leave me longing after leaving
I'm going to try to make this not-boring. Lol.
I went to Lake Travis today, to Jackie's dock, for her big fat party for everyone of d00m =)))
PICTURES!!! Yes. I took my time and gave each a caption. Enjoy ^.^
We swam, jumped off the building, ate and ate, hung in the trailer, buried katy... and I got an insane looking tanline. XD

Oh! Then it lightninged and thundered! Lol ^^ Twas mucho fun!

::points to self:: I... photograph.
When I have a camera, I just catch so many moments.. it's indescribable. Every moment is a picture. Lol.. dawned on me today.

Realizations. =).

I now have a deviantart account for poetry and such. I am devious. yes.

She who woke up at 7am is tired. ^.^
AND wahey.. I pretty much managed to avoid my parents all day! Score.


Seduce Me ...


:: 2004 10 April :: 9.08am
:: Mood: Who knows
:: Music: What You Are-Audioslave

Now I'm free from what you want, Now I'm free from what you need...
Well, yesterday it finally dawned on me that guys stare at my ass.
So maggie was right all along.
Speaking of dawn.. that's when I woke today. =) Yes. On a saturday. at 7. yes. HAHAHAHA Yes, I AM CRAZY...
I'm leaving with Jackie, Magz, and KT for Lake Travis in half an hour. It's gonna be a really good time =)

Bad news is.. my parents keep accusing me of all this shit. =(... *sigh*

I have a sunburn =D YAY

Can't wait til summer ^.^

Seduce Me ...


:: 2004 9 April :: 10.23pm

Not a poem.

They hurt me
used me
abused me
who tore my heart up
before I had a chance
so I can never put it back together all the way
And neither can you...
so you can feel free to rip away at my sanity
and forget me as I melt into the darkness
And trick me again
so now I'm trapped
and I always will be
and you will never

Seduce Me ...


:: 2004 9 April :: 9.45pm
:: Mood: a little happy
:: Music: Angry Chair-Alice in Chains

Caleb is SO hitting on me.
I mean.. wow
....ever find out a guy has liked for a while... and you just have to grin...
=DD lol!

But just today I start to realize that he's exactly like a certain someone...
It's funny!

Seduce Me ...


:: 2004 9 April :: 2.00pm
:: Mood: Fine =P
:: Music: What the hell have I?-Alice in Chains

makin' me smile a real smile's gonna take you a while
I love this song.
I love this song.
I love this song.
This song.
I love it.

What the Hell Have I? by Alice in Chains
The face before me flies
Laughs at me inside
Masks are made to hide the glow
Shining eyes
Distance 'tween us grows
Feeding lies

It's hard to start things over
You can feel the fire around us
All the time

Something I should say
It takes you every day
What you give is not alive
Your soul served on a plate
Throw it away

It's hard to start things over
You can feel the fire around us
All the time

It's hard to start things over
Oh yeah
You can feel the fire around us
All the time

It's hard to start things over
Oh yeah
You can feel the fire around us
All the time

All the time

What the hell have i?
Little pride

Now, movies with Arie, then.. arbor with Kae. Mucho fun for juliya till she gets home.

::hums her song..::

1 Seduction | Seduce Me ...


:: 2004 8 April :: 6.11pm
:: Mood: nauseated
:: Music: Hurt-NIN

The longer you're gone, the more I hate you...
Sure, you care.
God, I feel SO so sick.. yeah.

Dad: "Where are you going?"
Me: "Out."
Dad: "Out where?"
Me: "Out.. side"
Dad: "When will you be back?"
Me: "Later." *slams door*

Sat by the pool in the morning. Walked. Went places.
Now I just feel really sick.
Gene will not stop hitting on me XD
I've got some compliments on my poetry today... =)

The sun went away.
I need to go to the hospital...

Seduce Me ...


:: 2004 8 April :: 11.42am
:: Mood: Frustrated, Careless
:: Music: The Mindmaker-Soilwork

They gave you love, they gave me hate. And we all know which is more vicious...
I hate trying to be a part of something... it's hard. Because I am not a part of it. That stupid feeling.. I wish I would just stay away...

I was... very sick last night. Couldn't sleep, couldn't breath... never mind, anyway.

Last night, before I got home, was pretty cool. Brandi and I got a little food, then walked around the lake and stuff a couple of times. We came back and fed the ducks, and then it was dark and we just sat under the bridge and talked. The sky was very clear... I liked it. :smiles:

Today's plan is with Bradiness ^^. Tomorrow I'm going out all day with Kae.. we'll be going to the movies and the bookstore. Jackie's huge enormous party is saturday, and I'll be there from morning to night. Sunday? Um, bleh. Monday we hope to throw some surprise-partyness for people who's birthday twill be ^_~.

My forehead hurts. O_O xD.
I guess I should get out of here before someone comes home.

2 Seductions | Seduce Me ...


:: 2004 7 April :: 2.45pm
:: Mood: sick o.o
:: Music: Voices

Fine andrew, I'll give you $2.
It is.. study hall. Something I must mention.. Alex has been acting really weird around me. Seriously, it is not just me! My friends notice. It's odd.

I wrote this during math.. free period of d00m.


We change with every choice we make
You know your life's not yours to take
The haunting hurt keeps me awake
I'm still alive for no one's sake

Your careless words pierce through my skin
My patience now is ever thin
The walls around are caving in
I've always failed, I'll never win

I drown myself in piercing pain
I'm just a burden, just a stain
I'll hurt you if you're here to help
So stay away and save yourself

If you come back, I'll push away
Though inside I wish you'd stay
I cannot hear a word you say
For saving me, I'll make you pay

I don't heal, I just get burned
The hard way is how I have learned
Though I wish I wasn't frozen
It's too late, we are too broken.

Seduce Me ...


:: 2004 6 April :: 9.15pm
:: Mood: nauseated
:: Music: Soilwork

Threw up again. =(. I feel really light headed. I want to talk to Nikki but my mom is on the phone, dammit..
Facts of life:
1] I'm really sick.
2] No one knows
3] I want to see Nicole and Adam very badly.
4] It's a miracle that I haven't passed out
5] You don't know me as well as you think
6] Doesn't matter
7] I don't want to go swimming
9] All I've eaten today is a yogurt and a cup of ramen
10] All I want is for someone to stick around.
11] I don't know..

I'm just putting shit here now so whatever. I'll think of something worthwhile to say soon.

2 Seductions | Seduce Me ...


:: 2004 6 April :: 8.16pm
:: Mood: Angry, Sick
:: Music: Death Whispered a Lullaby-Opeth

What the fucking hell..
I am so fucking sick of guys trying to take advantage of me. Goddammit, leave me alone, no I don't want a fucking ride.. -.- Fucking whores.
I can't even walk outside now, hmm? Fuck you.

StarkistPixie: why don't they notice?
FuneralPortrait9: Because they are too wrapped up in their own shit.

I know, I know.
I'm sick of wondering what I can talk about in this journal. Just messege me if you want.

I'm angry and light headed... *sigh*

Seduce Me ...


:: 2004 6 April :: 6.44pm
:: Mood: Frustrated/Hungry
:: Music: Bleak//Opeth

Lying in a bed of broken glass, but I still smile
I'm talking to Nicole and Lexa, expecting a call from Nikki later =]. Feeling pretty sick. As last night. And a bit dizzy. W00t. Just.. contemplating. And listening to opeth.
Um, I don't know. I'm wondering if I should eat something or not. @.@


Seduce Me ...


:: 2004 6 April :: 7.57am
:: Mood: Awake :)
:: Music: AC/DC Back in Black

Lighting Strikes
Woke up to the awesome sound of thunder and rain pouring down. Wonderful :).

Last night I experienced both extremes of the mood spectrum... first I blahed and tryed to doomdoom, and ladeeda so I got all scared =(.

But hey! Then I won tix to the Vans Warped Tour off the radio. Kickass. They haven't even been printed yet... hell yes.
It would be a violation of some unwritten law to not take laurel ^^. That's basically our thing: We go to concerts together. OoO Magz and Jax are having a party at the Lake. Sounds awesome. =).
Eh. Hope I feel up to going.

Seduce Me ...


:: 2004 5 April :: 10.59pm

I'm so scared.

1 Seduction | Seduce Me ...

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